Crap friend

[PerkyOchrePeer]

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

I’m not surprised contact has vanished, you sound like hard work.

Good grief.
A bit full on? She was just paying you a compliment. She was being kind.
But having spent a few days with you and reflected on the time that she couldn’t get back, she probably very wisely decided that she wouldn’t be investing any more time in you.
Pretty much everybody is kind to you when they first meet you, that’s how the world works and then you figure out whether the person you’re talking to is somebody you want to spend more time with.
She’s just not into you.

This is all very strange. From your posts you clearly didn’t like this person and yet you now want a friendship .Why?
If someone is cold and I have a jumper, I would offer it.
If I go shopping and they try something on and I think they look good I would tell them .
This is normal behaviour. Your behaviour is not

No it does not keep happening but it was just because we were thrown together for a few days and in the way I think I used her because the alternative was to book tours to take me to the places that she took me in her car and wonder places she took me was a three hour drive and she refused to take any petrol money for the journey and when I look ed at her tour to this destination it was quite a lot of money so I got from it what I wanted and that's that and to be honest even if I had been gay she wouldn't have been my type and she was just a bit masculine looking

How old are you op? Are you ND?

When you were actually together, she was being very accommodating and friendly, but you didn’t like that and found her too friendly and over familiar. Fair enough. However, you can’t decide now ,(that you have the “safety” of distance) that you should become best buddies and have this great relationship across the continents. The time to build the friendship was when you were together, not miles away , over texts. That doesn’t make her crap.

So you used her, and now you’re cross she doesn’t want to be friends with you? Do you struggle with relationships in general, OP?

This is quite painful to read. @PerkyOchrePeer you need to relegate it to the past.

She was being polite because you are friend of a friend, there was no connection for either of you, let it go, she doesn’t want to be your friend.

Saying you look nice doesn't mean she was coming onto you

It doesn't sound like you were really friends anyway tbh so I don't get why you're so bothered really

You sound very ungrateful. Are you always so rude?

This.

Charming!

Having read all your posts I'm beginning to think you actually fancied her sexually OP. It would help explain your odd obsession with this mere aqaintance .

You think she fancied you and are miffed that she has rebuffed your overtures.

Yes?

Sounds like the ofeering of a "kind" person more than a "crappy" one, @PerkyOchrePeer

From an outsider's perspective, they put themselves out as a favour to your mutual friend. They were being gracious. They dont't owe you anything.

Maybe they have plenty of friendd snd feel that you had less in common. We dont know. They are entitled to decide who they maintain "friendship", connection and correspondence with, just like everyonr else.

It sounds like a bruise to the ego that they havent made great efforts to maintain/build a friendship with you. No matter. You hsve deleted them? Was it just a rant that you needed here?
x

😳Gosh. I'm friendly as a general rule to everybody, just because it makes life that little more pleasant. You have to be extremely rude to me (or a very good friend lol) to extract Unfriendly ModeTM, although if you really push it you might get Extra Sarcastically Nice ModeTM. What a weird take to find somebody being friendly towards you as insincere.

OP, you seem to struggle with the territory that lies between bosom buddies and mortal enemies. There is a lot in between those extremes. Most people are polite and friendly as their default setting, and being hospitable but not close friends doesn't make them "false".

So weird. These kinds of comments are such a normal thing to say, I've heard countless (straight) women give these kinds of compliments throughout my whole life. She wasn't eyeing you up FGS she was just being kind and complimentary.

I don't understand your feelings on this at all. You didn't really like her, you've experienced some kind of gay panic in response to her perfectly normal compliments, you hardly know her, she lives on the other side of the world and yet you've decided she's a bad friend and you're angry because she hasn't put effort into texting you. None of it makes sense!

I also think in general that long distance friendships can endure over time but you need to build up a solid base first. You only spent a short amount of time together so this was unlikely to happen, that's why this is very unlikely to be an enduring distance friendship. How nice either of the parties are is irrelevant, sometimes circumstances work against you.

I’m so flummoxed by this thread that I looked at OP’s other threads, and they are very similar. You sound pretty vulnerable, @PerkyOchrePeer, and as if life must be difficult. Would you ever want help to manage things with less confusion and disappointment?

Are you on the autistic spectrum?

No

It's totally bizarre to care about this op. She literally lives the other side of the world and you didn't get on much at the time

I think you need to work on your social skills and be more realistic about what friendship is

I was also going to ask if you are autistic. Might be worth looking up female presenting autism op