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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crap friend

343 replies

PerkyOchrePeer · 07/07/2025 22:43

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 08/07/2025 17:33

BettyCrockerClinic · 08/07/2025 12:38

I’m struggling to believe this post is serious. But on the off chance it is, what is it you want from this woman and this situation?

Asking her to stay with you was too full-on, but now she’s stepped back, she’s a crap friend (even though you never really saw her as a friend in the first place)?

You admit yourself you had nothing in common, but you’re annoyed she doesn’t want to build a friendship based on… what?

You panicked she had a big old lesbian crush on you because she liked your hat and offered you a jumper, and you were keen to make sure she knew you weren’t interested, but now it’s wrong if she wants to pull back?

You want to widen your social circle - so you picked someone who lives on the other side of the world who you won’t see for at least two years?

None of this really adds up.

Agreed 💯, OP sounds complicated to say the least and the subsequent replies are all over map.

Also, I pay people compliments all the time, even if theres nothing blatantly appealing about them, I will find something to like about everyone. I don't fancy that elderly woman I was chatting to at the bus stop, I just liked her shopping trolley, because it was snazzy .

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 18:03

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 08/07/2025 16:30

Would it help to frame it a bit like trying to find a boyfriend?

Metaphorically, you met somebody through a mutual friend who you thought was nice enough, but you weren't really sure if there was a spark, and there were a few things they did that you weren't really into. You dated for a little while longer because there weren't any red flags, but it's fizzled out lately because neither of you particularly fancy each other and though you like the idea of having a boyfriend, you don't have romantic chemistry or any sexual tension with him.

Metaphorically, she's the guy in the above scenario not because she might be gay, but because she's figured out sooner than you that there's nothing to really base a relationship (friendship) on, going forwards.

I was in that situation once with a guy I just dated him because it was something to do to pass the time

OP posts:
CleanShirt · 08/07/2025 18:05

I'm having serious deja vu.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 08/07/2025 18:10

CleanShirt · 08/07/2025 18:05

I'm having serious deja vu.

You mean like the school holidays?

BMW6 · 08/07/2025 18:10

Nope, just cannot make any sense out of this at all.

WarmMJ · 08/07/2025 18:24

I was in that situation once with a guy I just dated him because it was something to do to pass the time

I'm latching onto anybody because they are better than nothing

So you blatantly use people for company because you're bored and/or lonely. But you've got your knickers in a twist because someone who was kind and hospitable to you (as a friend of a friend) doesn't want a longterm friendship with you?

You do sound entitled and confused - she owes you nothing. You, however, went quiet when a poster asked you how you thanked her for showing you around. Zilch?

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 20:01

WarmMJ · 08/07/2025 18:24

I was in that situation once with a guy I just dated him because it was something to do to pass the time

I'm latching onto anybody because they are better than nothing

So you blatantly use people for company because you're bored and/or lonely. But you've got your knickers in a twist because someone who was kind and hospitable to you (as a friend of a friend) doesn't want a longterm friendship with you?

You do sound entitled and confused - she owes you nothing. You, however, went quiet when a poster asked you how you thanked her for showing you around. Zilch?

Edited

I didn't go out I didn't see that message so I will answer it now I bought her a meal in the restaurant

OP posts:
Wellwater · 08/07/2025 20:10

PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 18:03

I was in that situation once with a guy I just dated him because it was something to do to pass the time

Show quote history

If you’re genuinely bored enough to start friendships and relationships to fill your time, why not get some hobbies?

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 08/07/2025 20:46

PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 18:03

I was in that situation once with a guy I just dated him because it was something to do to pass the time

Show quote history

Okay cool. So you understand that things like friendships and relationships can be for a reason, and when that reason has passed, they no longer work.

There is a phrase "Friendships can last for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Your friendship, such as it was, lasted for the "season" that you were in Australia. That season has passed now.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 23:14

Wellwater · 08/07/2025 20:10

If you’re genuinely bored enough to start friendships and relationships to fill your time, why not get some hobbies?

Show quote history

I have got hobbies

OP posts:
justtootiredtoday · 08/07/2025 23:35

OP, you’re not taking on board what people are saying to you, or answering the pertinent questions.

Personally, I think you sound nuts.

My take on it - this woman, who you didn’t know, who was just a friend of a friend, very kindly offered to show you around her town in Australia.

In spending time together, by your own admission, it became apparent that you had nothing in common and did not get on very well together.

To her credit, she stuck to her word and showed you around, although by now acting like a tour guide, which you didn’t like.

Upon return to the UK, despite the fact you didn’t really like her, you have tried to turn this into a friendship by keeping in touch.

She initially replied but has now stopped.

As others keep asking - why do you care?

Bluntly OP, I think this woman made a kind offer and then regretted it as she didn’t really like you. To her credit, she continued to show you around, “like a tour guide”.

I’d imagine she just wants to leave it there OP, just let it lie.

And calling her a “crap friend” - wtf?? She’s not a friend! She’s a friend of a friend and it sounds like she really went above and beyond, and you dont even appreciate it.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 23:51

justtootiredtoday · 08/07/2025 23:35

OP, you’re not taking on board what people are saying to you, or answering the pertinent questions.

Personally, I think you sound nuts.

My take on it - this woman, who you didn’t know, who was just a friend of a friend, very kindly offered to show you around her town in Australia.

In spending time together, by your own admission, it became apparent that you had nothing in common and did not get on very well together.

To her credit, she stuck to her word and showed you around, although by now acting like a tour guide, which you didn’t like.

Upon return to the UK, despite the fact you didn’t really like her, you have tried to turn this into a friendship by keeping in touch.

She initially replied but has now stopped.

As others keep asking - why do you care?

Bluntly OP, I think this woman made a kind offer and then regretted it as she didn’t really like you. To her credit, she continued to show you around, “like a tour guide”.

I’d imagine she just wants to leave it there OP, just let it lie.

And calling her a “crap friend” - wtf?? She’s not a friend! She’s a friend of a friend and it sounds like she really went above and beyond, and you dont even appreciate it.

Well I've deleted from my phone now and so she won't be hearing from me again I have been in this situation before where I have been shown around a country, but that was different because I knew the person quite well and we had lots in common and we've kept in touch since and the other person actually said to me that she valued my friendship and I was a very thoughtful person

OP posts:
Thanksforyourlackofthought · 09/07/2025 00:04

So you expect everyone you meet to like you and become your friend?

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 09/07/2025 02:03

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 09/07/2025 00:04

So you expect everyone you meet to like you and become your friend?

No but a person who shows friendliness in my opinion means they like you otherwise they're just totally false

OP posts:
C10000 · 09/07/2025 02:21

Move on
Its really not worth the headspace

Bitchesbelike · 09/07/2025 05:16

I cannot think at all why this woman doesn’t want to stay friends with you. Could it be that you’re hard work?

Zanatdy · 09/07/2025 05:46

So you didn’t really get along, but you kept messaging her and now are annoyed she is not responding. What is the problem? Do you want us to say maybe she fancied you but now she has realised you’re not interested she has backed away? Either way what’s the problem, she isn’t your friend and doesn’t want to be and the feeling seems to be mutual.

whynotmereally · 09/07/2025 06:04

So you met up with an acquaintance because you happened to be in the same country . She kindly played tour guide while you judged her personality and sexuality. Once it was over you initiated conversation which at first she responded to then stopped?

Your not friends by your own admission you didn’t gel, she’s not bothered about pursuing a friendship.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 09/07/2025 06:04

Zanatdy · 09/07/2025 05:46

So you didn’t really get along, but you kept messaging her and now are annoyed she is not responding. What is the problem? Do you want us to say maybe she fancied you but now she has realised you’re not interested she has backed away? Either way what’s the problem, she isn’t your friend and doesn’t want to be and the feeling seems to be mutual.

It's not that we didn't get on because she showed me hospitality and I was polite. I still think she maybe fancied me a bit because I was talking to her about a friend of mine and she said to me is she your girlfriend and judging by my reaction she said to me oh I wasn't trying to find out if you were gay it's just the way I say things and then she said in Australia if a woman has another woman friend then they are described as their girlfriend whether they're gay or not and I just said okay

OP posts:
CatAsstrophe · 09/07/2025 06:19

What a bizarre thread!

OP, she's not a crap friend, she's just someone you met who showed you kindness by showing you around, you 'invested' a bit of time sending messages after (hardly a huge effort given the time it takes to send a text message or ten) and she hasn't replied.

The end.

There was no friendship to start with, so by that definition, she can't be a 'crap' friend because she wasn't a friend in the first place.

Heed the voting - 95% think YABU. It's time to move on, clear your head of this non-issue and get on with your life.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 09/07/2025 06:19

Also whilst I was there I did some shopping and abort a couple of tops and when I showed her she said you would look good in those tops because you've got a lovely figure. 1 no I Hardly Knew the woman and that's not something you say to somebody you hardly know and I think thats a bit full on and i wad embarrasded thinking that she had been eyeing me up

OP posts:
Wellwater · 09/07/2025 06:21

PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 23:51

Well I've deleted from my phone now and so she won't be hearing from me again I have been in this situation before where I have been shown around a country, but that was different because I knew the person quite well and we had lots in common and we've kept in touch since and the other person actually said to me that she valued my friendship and I was a very thoughtful person

Show quote history

Sigh. That was an entirely different person. It is not the case that anyone who shows you around is bound to offer you eternal friendship.

That person already knew and liked you, and had lots in common with you. This person you’re posting about was doing a favour for a mutual friend, didn’t have much in common with you, and isn’t interested in being friends. Also, you didn’t much like her, and appear to harbour totally unfounded suspicions she fancied you. I can’t say I’d want to be friends with someone who thought I had ulterior motives in showing them around.

Wellwater · 09/07/2025 06:24

PerkyOchrePeer · 09/07/2025 06:19

Also whilst I was there I did some shopping and abort a couple of tops and when I showed her she said you would look good in those tops because you've got a lovely figure. 1 no I Hardly Knew the woman and that's not something you say to somebody you hardly know and I think thats a bit full on and i wad embarrasded thinking that she had been eyeing me up

It is a completely ordinary compliment to someone buying clothes. She wasn’t going to tell her friend’s friend that she looked like a sack of spuds.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/07/2025 06:33

You need to let this go OP. Sometimes people don't click socially, when you add in long distance then what's the point in continuing such a relationship?

If the same pattern of behaviour keeps happening to you to then it might be worth exploring it.

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 09/07/2025 06:39

Hi OP. I'm sorry to be blunt but you seem to be dwelling on why this person didn't keep in touch. Maybe she did all this because she's a really good and reliable friend-to your mutual friend. She just wanted you to have a nice time as a favour to her. She wasn't looking for a new friend for herself & you've already admitted you had nothing in common.
You've deleted her number now so try to stop over thinking things. She sounds like a great guide & it was nice of her to help your friend out like that.