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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Crap friend

343 replies

PerkyOchrePeer · 07/07/2025 22:43

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 09/07/2025 09:11

I think it would benefit you to seek some insight into these things if it's bothering you. Lots of people struggle with friendship and it helps to learn about how they work.

PinkyFlamingo · 09/07/2025 09:15

PerkyOchrePeer · 08/07/2025 08:34

I cannot speak for her I can only speak for myself and I did try to maintain contact and she did answer a couple of messages but then stopped and the last few messages were not answered so sorry decided not to bother anymore.

Show quote history

Yes ok but that still doesn't explain why you are so bothered?

AnotherGreyMorning · 09/07/2025 09:25

Op, you sent a few WhatsApp messages. That's really very little effort.

Just delete her from your phone and move on. Forget about it.

I don't see where or why you should be annoyed.

DragonTrainor · 09/07/2025 09:25

OP sorry but you are batshit

CalicoPusscat · 09/07/2025 09:28

This thread is giving you the chance to obsess about it further @PerkyOchrePeer.

Why don't you go to your GP?

DragonTrainor · 09/07/2025 09:28

I get you may be ND. I'm autistic and it took me some time to work out the difference between an acquaintance and a friend and that people can be friendly without wanting to be your friend BUT you don't seem to be understanding what anyone is saying to you and you are going round in circles.

She isn't your friend, she's someone you know
She wasn't false, she was just being friendly
Not sure why you keep saying you think she fancied you. Either way she's not interested now
you seem very hard work

NoWomanNoBuy · 09/07/2025 09:29

OP sitting there obsessing over this with the strange attitude of, so I stopped replying because I'm not going to bother, TAKE THAT why don't you! Meanwhile other party is just sighing with relief that the messages have stopped.

Todaystoast · 09/07/2025 09:40

I think the difficulty is you think that people should not be kind and friendly to people they don't want a long-term friendship with because that is 'being false'. Many people think it's good to be kind and friendly to many people, even if you don't want a long term friendship with them. That's what this person did so we are seeing it as a positive thing and you are seeing it as a negative.

SunflowersInRain · 09/07/2025 09:54

Lol.

SunflowersInRain · 09/07/2025 09:56

"to be honest even if I had been gay she wouldn't have been my type and she was just a bit masculine looking"

  1. You're rude as fuck.
  1. Maybe don't want to be your friend because you're not a very nice person.
  1. It's very obvious to me you fancied her, wanted her to fancy you and now feel hard done by that she doesn't even want a friendship with you.
TealScroller · 09/07/2025 10:00

MNpenisadvisor · 07/07/2025 22:49

Cool story bro

Jesus, this is what I hate about mumsnet...why add a comment like that? Why be a douche?

Wheezygonzalez · 09/07/2025 10:05

I don’t understand OP your original post and subsequent ones comes across like you were merely tolerating her so why the sudden change of heart?

AnotherGreyMorning · 09/07/2025 10:14

SunflowersInRain · 09/07/2025 09:56

"to be honest even if I had been gay she wouldn't have been my type and she was just a bit masculine looking"

  1. You're rude as fuck.
  1. Maybe don't want to be your friend because you're not a very nice person.
  1. It's very obvious to me you fancied her, wanted her to fancy you and now feel hard done by that she doesn't even want a friendship with you.

This is what I thought too.

You're offended she doesn't want to pursue you.

My19thNervousNameChange · 09/07/2025 11:00

I remember this sorry tale from the last time you told it under a different name. The answers were broadly the same and if my memory serves you ended up getting a bit pissy with posters.
That this is still bothering you after so long is concerning. Do you think maybe a bit of counselling would help?

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 09/07/2025 13:05

SunflowersInRain · 09/07/2025 09:56

"to be honest even if I had been gay she wouldn't have been my type and she was just a bit masculine looking"

  1. You're rude as fuck.
  1. Maybe don't want to be your friend because you're not a very nice person.
  1. It's very obvious to me you fancied her, wanted her to fancy you and now feel hard done by that she doesn't even want a friendship with you.

I did NOT fancy her

OP posts:
CatAsstrophe · 09/07/2025 13:19

AxolotlEars · 09/07/2025 09:04

Are you on the autistic spectrum?

FFS, someone is weird and immediately people jump to autism.

I'm autistic, diagnosed, and I don't fucking behave like the OP. Ever. My autistic female friends, colleagues and acquaintances don't act like the OP either.

Posts such as yours are so offensive!

Elevenor · 09/07/2025 13:32

I think you are misunderstanding the interaction. There is a difference between a person being friendly and a person being your friend.

It sounds like she was friendly during your stay but she does not want to be your friend.

An89 · 09/07/2025 15:24

PerkyOchrePeer · 09/07/2025 06:19

Also whilst I was there I did some shopping and abort a couple of tops and when I showed her she said you would look good in those tops because you've got a lovely figure. 1 no I Hardly Knew the woman and that's not something you say to somebody you hardly know and I think thats a bit full on and i wad embarrasded thinking that she had been eyeing me up

So why do you want to be her friend? Gosh this is sounding more and more strange by the minute.

An89 · 09/07/2025 15:27

BMW6 · 09/07/2025 08:02

Having read all your posts I'm beginning to think you actually fancied her sexually OP. It would help explain your odd obsession with this mere aqaintance .

You think she fancied you and are miffed that she has rebuffed your overtures.

Yes?

Sounding kinda stalkerish and obsessive tbh. Ever watched "you"
Hello Joe...

Fancycheese · 09/07/2025 15:30

Get off Mumsnet and get into therapy.

An89 · 09/07/2025 15:31

Ratisshortforratthew · 08/07/2025 08:55

You sound very difficult to put it mildly. You didn’t like her, you’re criticising her for doing a nice thing (showing you round and inviting you to stay) you didn’t get on very well and found her “too full on”, but you’re now annoyed she doesn’t want to remain in contact? Make it make sense! She gave up her time to show you around and offered for you to stay with her because, oh I don’t know, she’s a generous person. But you seem to resent that. Now you feel like this person you don’t seem to respect or like owes you friendship. It’s all very skewed.

If you feel you’re lacking in a social circle, I mean this nicely, but have you had a real examination of your own behaviour because the way you’re coming across here (critical, entitled, resentful) doesn’t scream “person people want to be friends with”.

This. Id suggest therapy genuinely

perenniallymessy · 09/07/2025 15:39

It sounds like your approach to friendship is a bit like an incel's approach to dating. You have decided to extend the hand of friendship so you feel she's massively ungrateful in not reciprocating. No one owes you friendship.

It sounds like she was lovely to show you around and look after you, but she's just not looking for a long distance/long term friendship with you. You gave it a go and it's not working so just pull back. I've got plenty of people I was really friendly with in the past but these days it's mostly just a few comments on Facebook, and that's fine.

NoWomanNoBuy · 09/07/2025 15:42

Yes that's exactly what it sounds like. Perfect analogy.

Other people don't exist purely to engage with you in exactly the way you demand or dictate.

landlordhell · 09/07/2025 15:58

CatAsstrophe · 09/07/2025 13:19

FFS, someone is weird and immediately people jump to autism.

I'm autistic, diagnosed, and I don't fucking behave like the OP. Ever. My autistic female friends, colleagues and acquaintances don't act like the OP either.

Posts such as yours are so offensive!

Show quote history

No it’s just the op seems to have trouble reading a social normality. That often is common on the autistic spectrum

BMW6 · 09/07/2025 16:05

An89 · 09/07/2025 15:27

Sounding kinda stalkerish and obsessive tbh. Ever watched "you"
Hello Joe...

Show quote history

No I haven't, but having Googled I see what you mean!

Such an OTT reaction to the ending of such a brief and light acquaintance .........