Page 14 | Crap friend

PerkyOchrePeer · 2025-07-07T21:43:05+00:00

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again. I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

WaitedBlankey · 26/07/2025 07:47

PerkyOchrePeer · 26/07/2025 07:36

I've asked for thus reply to be removed

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Why? It's a reasonable response.

Your rigid approach is making things difficult for you and this poster - like the others - is trying to help you see that a change in mindset would help you.

Interactions with others aren't supposed to be this fraught.

RiverGod · 26/07/2025 07:53

@KimMumsnet

I request that my response not be removed. I was not abusive or rude. OP simply doesn’t like the response and if everyone who didn’t like a response got them removed, there would be no threads or posts on here.

I humbly request that it stays and OP learns that she can’t control everything especially when she posted for opinions.

Elevenor · 26/07/2025 08:07

PerkyOchrePeer · 26/07/2025 07:36

I've asked for thus reply to be removed

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That poster didn't attack you so it's unreasonable to ask for their post to be removed. Other people will have different opinions to you, as has been explained multiple times on this thread.

IDontHateRainbows · 26/07/2025 08:10

I think it's clear that the OP is playing out her relationship difficulties with interacting effectively with others on this thread.

I'll be the next to get a shoeing from her no doubt.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 26/07/2025 08:13

RiverGod · 26/07/2025 07:53

@KimMumsnet

I request that my response not be removed. I was not abusive or rude. OP simply doesn’t like the response and if everyone who didn’t like a response got them removed, there would be no threads or posts on here.

I humbly request that it stays and OP learns that she can’t control everything especially when she posted for opinions.

I 💯 support @RiverGod 🙌

Wellwater · 26/07/2025 08:13

RiverGod · 26/07/2025 07:53

@KimMumsnet

I request that my response not be removed. I was not abusive or rude. OP simply doesn’t like the response and if everyone who didn’t like a response got them removed, there would be no threads or posts on here.

I humbly request that it stays and OP learns that she can’t control everything especially when she posted for opinions.

Well, mine (which was removed) certainly wasn’t rude or abusive either. The OP just didn’t like it.

Original poster

PerkyOchrePeer · 26/07/2025 08:14

Once again people assume I am lonely, even though I say I socialise in a group and go on outings. I have repeatedly said I am not lonely, but people on here don't believe me. You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine. We are never going to agree so let's draw a line under this and move on.

OP posts:

WhatNoRaisins · 26/07/2025 08:21

OP that response wasn't rude or abusive at all.

RiverGod · 26/07/2025 08:36

Excellent idea OP.

I really hope you have a lovely day.

WaitedBlankey · 26/07/2025 11:15

OP, you get angry when people say you're lonely but from your own posts you've said:

I think the main issue is that I want to increase my social circle

ive always been unpopular and at school never in the in crowd and not inviteď to parties and so i was trying to get this woman to befriend me so that i could feel normal

i thought there might be some hope i can get someone to want to befriend me

To anyone reading, this says very clearly that you feel lonely, insecure and want to have friends.

None of us want you to feel like that so we've been suggesting approaches to change that, explain how you appear to misinterpret interactions and show you other ways to understand what people are communicating.

They aren't attacks. They are responses to what you yourself are saying.

OpenThatWindow · 26/07/2025 11:44

PerkyOchrePeer · 26/07/2025 07:36

I've asked for thus reply to be removed

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Why?

BungleWasBrill · 26/07/2025 11:45

PerkyOchrePeer · 26/07/2025 07:36

I've asked for thus reply to be removed

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This is the whole problem. Most posters here have been extremely patient with you and have offered useful advice. You don't want to hear them. RiverGod and others have been very measured in their responses.

Can you tell us succinctly why you started the thread? What do you WANT? For every person here to say "PerkyOchrePeer, I agree with you about everything"? That is not going to happen and would be completely ridiculous.

BungleWasBrill · 26/07/2025 11:51

RiverGod · 26/07/2025 07:53

@KimMumsnet

I request that my response not be removed. I was not abusive or rude. OP simply doesn’t like the response and if everyone who didn’t like a response got them removed, there would be no threads or posts on here.

I humbly request that it stays and OP learns that she can’t control everything especially when she posted for opinions.

Absolutely. There's nothing rude or abusive about your posts.You've shown good sense. And a remarkable amount of restraint (as have many others).

Controlling, rigid-minded people don't have healthy relationships because they are controlling and rigid-minded. I'm thinking of someone in our own wider family. We had a few conversations like this with her over the years and it is like nailing jelly to a wall.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 26/07/2025 13:03

Im also pissed off my comments were removed, I said nothing abusive, insulting or controversial. Ridiculous that they were removed, is that how threads are going to go now, comments removed if the OP disagrees?

Poor form

OriginalUsername2 · 26/07/2025 13:40

Idontjetwashthefucker · 26/07/2025 13:03

Im also pissed off my comments were removed, I said nothing abusive, insulting or controversial. Ridiculous that they were removed, is that how threads are going to go now, comments removed if the OP disagrees?

Poor form

Agreed, I wondered why those comments were removed! Now it looks like you’re a problematic poster when you’re not.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 26/07/2025 14:42

Idontjetwashthefucker · 26/07/2025 13:03

Im also pissed off my comments were removed, I said nothing abusive, insulting or controversial. Ridiculous that they were removed, is that how threads are going to go now, comments removed if the OP disagrees?

Poor form

I don't remember what your post said, but believe you.

I did read, and remember, @RiverGod 24/07/2025 15:55 post. It simply pointed out to OP that @KimMumsnet post about "personal attacks break our Talk Guidelines" included OP's posts.
Yet somehow OP's post calling us all bullies is allowed to stand?? Why's that @KimMumsnet ?

Original poster

PerkyOchrePeer · 26/07/2025 14:46

WaitedBlankey · 26/07/2025 11:15

OP, you get angry when people say you're lonely but from your own posts you've said:

I think the main issue is that I want to increase my social circle

ive always been unpopular and at school never in the in crowd and not inviteď to parties and so i was trying to get this woman to befriend me so that i could feel normal

i thought there might be some hope i can get someone to want to befriend me

To anyone reading, this says very clearly that you feel lonely, insecure and want to have friends.

None of us want you to feel like that so we've been suggesting approaches to change that, explain how you appear to misinterpret interactions and show you other ways to understand what people are communicating.

They aren't attacks. They are responses to what you yourself are saying.

I said let's draw a line under this and move on
Pointing g out and quoting bits of a post isn't doing that. I was unpopular and not one of a crowd at school unless I was bullied and that meant i could join the group so I could be bullied. I met up with one of my school bullies a couple of years ago and she deeply regretted the way she treated me at school. We continued to meet up from time to time and it was very pleasant, bit we had nothing in common and we had an honest chat about it and decided that a deeper friendship wasn't going to work so we decided to call it a day. I admired her honesty and ger apology for bullying me at school. She smoked at school and bullied me to paying for her cigarettes and one time I refused and she punched ne in the stomach and kicked ne in the shins. She now has some serious health problems and in a great deal of pain 24/7 and due to her medication gas gained about 3 stone and she has also been in a very physically violent relationships. life has not been goid to her. I have come out better. My health is fine and I have not bee hit by a man over and over and I've not gained 3 stone. I'm not perfect but I haven't had to endure her issues.

I wa t to draw a line under this thread just as this person from school has drawn a line under her past treatment of me. She said I didn't deserve any of it

OP posts:

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 26/07/2025 15:07

OP, why have you said more than once that you are leaving and then returned? Genuine question.

There is no one on this forum that can help you as you are unable (Or don't want to) to take on board anything has said and then move forward.

The constant stream of thoughts/arguments/comments isn't someone who wants advice or discussion. It's someone who just wants to feel involved and receive attention. And maybe that's why you keep returning.

Nobody has to spend time with you regardless of how well they do or do not like you.

Sometimes people show kindness just because they can. If they feel that kindness will be mistaken for a relationship they do not want, they will withdraw.

I'm sure some people on here have been unkind, it happens. But some people will be frustrated at your inability to absorb what's been said and then move on in your own way.

Your accusations of bullying are unkind so maybe you should have a think about that before you portray yourself as a victim of harassment again.