Crap friend

[PerkyOchrePeer]

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

Suddenly got reply to my message. It was short matter of fact but at least it was a reply. No mention of fb frie d request. Oh well.

This post is like an episode of the Twilight Zone

😂

Read up or watch videos on “making friends as an autistic woman”. You’re having the classic struggles, diagnosis or not. I think it would help you.

You have 3 great friends, that’s more than a lot of us! I’d keep others as acquaintances (ie. fun times, no expectations).

After saying rge person was not going to respond to my messages, I got a reply it was very short but I'm glad she replied in the end

Is this a different person than the one you posted about at 12:05?

Well she isn’t really a friend so no she isn’t a crap friend. You don’t have anything in common and it sounds like she maybe got the vibe you weren’t interested in her. Not sure why her being gay or not is relevant.

I have to admit I saw the thread title again and thought "oh no".

Glad the person got back to you briefly, hope you can manage your expectations around friendship.

No its the one I sent a fb friend request to that I felt we had stuff in common and I like her and wanted her as a friend

This is like Single White Female stuff. Stop bothering strangers.

It was nice of her to respond to your message. Just remember that she may be replying to be polite rather than because she wants to be your friend.

I wpuld not reply to someone out of politeness. That is just a meaningless waste of time. If I don't want to be friends then I stear clear. It happened with someone I knew at school. We messaged for a while and then I decided I didn't want to be friends so I politely told her it wasn't working and that we were too different. We went our seperate ways and haven't messaged for two years

But most people do observe the social niceties and reply to be polite.

You have to stop expecting people to react as you would and start thinking about what is the norm in society. Then you won’t get upset and frustrated so much.

Honestly the biggest non issue I’ve ever read on MN.

I think you've made it abundantly clear how you navigate relationships. What a number of posters have tried to explain to you is that the way you interact with others is not how the majority of people would.

You would not respond to a message to be polite. I certainly would.

You have a very black and white approach to social interactions, where you just either categorise people are "friends" or "not friends". For most people, there is also a huge area between those two categories for people like colleagues, acquaintances, friends you've lost touch with, people you see at the gym or the school run, etc. I appreciate this is very confusing for you to understand based on your posts but it is really important.

If someone messages out of politeness and they give the person they message a false sense of security, and I don't agree with that.

I am very honest and call a spade a spade And that way , you really know where you stand with people

But that's YOU and most other people are not like YOU so you're going to be wrong footed always aren't you.

You may not agree with it, but that is how society ticks over.
Stop expecting everyone to behave like you, when actually you are the unusual one.

it's important to be mindful of the other person's feelings and avoid sending mixed signals if you don't intend to pursue a friendship.

Found this online

Agree, OP you are in the minority with this. It's possible that you might meet people that also think like you do but this approach will get you nowhere with most people.

But you're not being mindful of others are you? What 'security' are you expecting from friends?

It’s irrelevant whether you agree with it or not. It happens. It’s very common. It’s how people are polite to one another.

By getting cross and upset about what is considered normal polite behaviour, OP, who do you think is affected? Just you. You remain confused or angry or isolated and the world carries on regardless.

You are choosing to view interactions in a way that is out of step with others around you. We call it friendliness and politeness, you say false and hurtful.

If you accept that is the way many interactions actually work you will save yourself a great deal of stress and frustration.

Let's agrè to disagree. I dated someone I didn't like very much but he really liked me. In the end I called it a day as j felt I was deceiving him he told me he loved me a d was very angry when we split. He said I used him

You have unreasonable expectations. You shouldn’t be looking for security in other people. Find it in yourself.