Crap friend

[PerkyOchrePeer]

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

This is one of the most batshit 🦇 💩 threads I've seen on MN, but I read it all this morning out of sheer fascination!
😵‍💫😵‍💫

I've finally come to the decision that this person is not my friend. I know how a friend behaves because I have a friend who asks how I am and is more chatty about their life instead of just answering direct questions.. I was kidding myself and this person is just a polite acquaintance. It doesn't help that she is in Australia so we cannot meet to bond better. For instance a friend of mine went on holiday. I said have a lovely time. She replied thank you very much. This australian woman we t on holiday. I said have a nice tine. No thank you or anything. That's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I understand it now

Jebus, Mary and the three goats!

Are you still wombling on?

Yes only to tell people I understand better now

That's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I understand it now

No, that's the difference between different styles and standards of manners. You clearly don't "understand better now."

I need the 😃 emoji back!!!
Just to shown appreciation for the three 🐐 🐐 🐐

How dare you

@WaitedBlankey is right though.
You think you now have a box that you can put various different "actions" or "behaviours" into to decide if someone is a friend or not... that's not how it works, so you don't understand. It sounds like understanding friendship is to subtle for you.

The woman in Australia was friendly and accommodating, she's not your friend.

@PerkyOchrePeer Would you consider speaking to a therapist? Therapy might help you understand other people's views and feelings and behaviour to a greater degree and help you feel less disappointed with everyone. Your expectations are unrealistic and likely too intense and annoying for a lot of the people you're interacting with.

I want a laugh emoji back as well 😆

OP you really will get on better if you learn to manage expectations around friendships

I realise she is not my friend and that was why I said I now understand but people on here say I still do not understand which I find bizarre. I understand now the actions of a friend and the actions of a non friend but I'm still told I'm wrong so I thi k we will agree to disagree on this and leave it at that.

I am afraid you don't understand it now. That isn't the signpost between a friend and an acquaintance. That is just different communication styles and manners.

Everything you now think a friend would do can also be done by just an acquaintance or even someone just being polite.
You need help with your social skills and emotional intelligence. Please find a therapist.

Ok clever clogs what's your definition of a friend

Someone you have a mutual bond of affection with.
Politeness isn’t affection.

OP is like a bloke you politely smile at in a bar who then follows you around all night trying to buy you drinks.

And I do have a mutual bond of affecting with someone I call a friend. If you don't believe me that is your lookout

No wonder you find it hard making friends, being so rude.

Lots of people here have tried to help, but you're not listening to anyone.

That's an excellent example.

People can and do have different social styles. I have friends who have impeccable and formal manners, and friends who are casual to the point of brusqueness. That is not a part of being a mate.

When I was in Australia and with the person people om here are so quick to tell me she is not a friend, when we went somewhere with people she knew she introduced me to them as her friend from the UK. I think australians have a different view of friendship and call everyone a friend even if we would perceive it as an aquaintanceship. It's like I was talking to another Australian woman about a frie d of mine and she said is she your girlfriend. I said no I'm not gay and she said I wasn't implying you are, but in Australia if a woman has a female friend they are called a girlfriend and that's just a cultural term and doesn't mean you are gay

I know who I like and don't like. I like respectful people who I have things in common with. I keep away from those who are rude or I have nothing in common with. I had a very long standing friend of 40 years. I don't speak to her anymore because the friendship changed. She became very critical of me telling me I should look a certain way and that I should spend money getting my teeth whitened and my dresses were too short and I had fat legs. I said I'm slim and she said but your legs are not thin so you cannot wear skirts that show your legs and you haven't got the legs for shorts. I thought that was so rude so I ended things. I said nobody else has spoken to me like this and she said but I am. I said see that woman over there she has very fat legs and she said yes but your legs are not thin so only wear long skirts

Do you have a learning disability?

@PerkyOchrePeer it's not helping you ruminating and obsessing about this on here.

And It's not helpful having people on here criticizing me and having a go and thinking I have a learning disability which I certainly do not have

I think people are just reflecting back how it comes across.

Not sure what your preferred mode of interaction is but your work might have a free, confidential counselling service where you can go through expectations, boundaries and disappointment.