Crap friend

[PerkyOchrePeer]

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

Op, there are huge swathes of things you don’t understand. Lots of people have tried to explain this to you but you refuse to take it on board. I presume you have a lot of friendship difficulties and often feel lonely. You struggle with theory of mind, this seems to be the root of it

I don't think that people are criticising, it's just that they've noticed something is off in how you are relating to other people. You're obviously asking about friendship because you're not happy with how things are going in this area.

I am NOT lonely. You should not make assumptions like that. I may not like the way certain friendships are going. But that doesn't mean I am lonely

Of course she said your address fee friend from the UK. It's she supposed to go into details - 'this is a friend of a friend from the UK, who I said I would show signs but, you know, she's not actually my friend'. What do you think she should have said?

You do realise if you didn’t post every mad detail of your thought process on here people wouldn’t make assumptions. Posters have given you reassurance, support and sound advice.

In all honesty, you sound desperate, lonely and unable to form healthy attachments. If you could you’d be talking to a real life friend and you’re not. You’re here, ‘updating’ everyone on your non existent issue.

Get a hobby, go to therapy, talk to people and start learning some lessons.

You are confused. I know two women in Australia. One is the friend of a fiend and the other is mot. I was talking about the other not the friend of a friend and ot was the other who said to people I was her friend

People should not If Introduce You ask the friend if you are not

I think that’s fair. OP, don’t you think that if multiple strangers, who are well-meaning enough to respond at length to an internet post by you asking for insights, are telling you there’s something very disordered about your thinking, that you might contemplate considering whether that’s true?

And yes, as I think I said up the thread, and other posters have said, you struggle with theory of mind.

Other people are not you. They will respond differently to situations, express themselves differently etc. Because it was simpler to introduce you as a friend from the UK, it didn’t mean she considered you a friend — you’d only just met, and live on opposite sides of the world! Someone not saying ‘thank you’ in response to a text wishing them a good holiday does not make that person an acquaintance rather than a friend.

Just so I’m clear….she shouldn’t have introduced you to people? As a friend?

She should have waited until an actual ‘friend’ came along to do the honours?

She may have been waiting a long time…

I am not lonely. How many more times do I have to say this. Stop making assumptions about me. Lots of people ask for advice on here. Would you tell them yo ask people irl

Yes. Preferably professionals, with letters after their names. It’s exactly what I would say to a friend because I’d want a friend to be happy and mentally healthy.

The whole point of mumsnet is that it is an advice platform and if everyone in your opinion should go to a professional then mhmsnet should be closed down

I don't feel I Ve been helped in any way on here. I've been given the wrong advice and told I'm lonely when I'm not.

OP, we can’t all be wrong. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it and you clearly don’t. That’s fine, but it doesn’t make us wrong.

Every post you’ve made screams lonely and desperate and sadly you’re the only one who can’t see it.

But you're not listening or taking in anything that is being said, I feel like banging my head against a brick wall when I read your posts...I suspect I'm not alone

There you go again. You’ve decided Mn is primarily an ‘advice platform’. Fair enough. But that doesn’t in any way mean that the advice won’t ever be ‘You need to see a professional.’ And if you came on here looking for advice, why not take it?

I think sometimes you need help that goes beyond what untrained strangers over the internet can give.

And yet you come back with another response?

Is it because like a child any attention is better than none?

I’m trying to be kind here but really you need a good shake and to understand that you’re the issue. It’s not uncommon, we all can be the ones to author our own misery but in your case, there’s no need to write a series.

Absolutely!
@PerkyOchrePeer , no, Mumsnet is not an advice platform although sometimes it is used that way. Your rigid thinking is creating obstacles that don't need to be there.

She can’t help it. We can’t help here, it’s going round in circles.

She was just showing you a pleasant visit while you were there out of courtesy and she probably had fun herself. But for a good time not a long time. If she was hoping to hook up with you but didn't, that could be why she isn't interested. Don't worry about it you just are differant in you had expectations of a friendship that would continue, her expectations were you'd go back home and that would be that.

Yes, this. OP, you’ve decided Mn is a certain thing, therefore the people on it should respond to you in a certain way that you have decided is the correct one, given your very rigid idea about what an ‘advice platform’ should do. This is another example of your incredibly rigid thinking and lack of theory of mind.

There are millions of users on Mn with their own priorities and preferences. Some do use it as a source of parenting advice, but there are huge numbers of people who only post on chicken keeping, creative writing, weightloss, who enjoy watching people start fights on AIBU, or complain about bad grammar in Pedants’ Corner. I’ve been on here since 2011, but think I’ve only ever posted once asking for advice, when my toddler became ill when we were somewhere remote on holiday.

But you’ve in fact had good advice from many posters on here. You’re simply not ready to listen to it.

I'm no longer talking about her. I'm talking the second person I met in Australia who also showed me rpund

I will say this for the last time..I am not lonely.i think mumsnet is full of patronising bullies and if I met amy of you in real life,i would not give you the time of day

Really? That's what you've taken from this thread. You seriously have got to be taking the piss now and on the wind up