'Use your words' GET TO FUCK

[partyetiquette]

Directed at the twats on here who patronisingly say it to posters
"Why did you not use your words"
"Use your words"
Use my foot up your arse you patronising twat

I don’t have/know any children, and had no clue it’s widely used for them so have just been nodding wisely whenever I’ve read that advice! 😭😅

I’ve always been very direct with my kids (and my ex) when communicating, I don’t like walking on eggshells or pussyfooting about (but am
polite). I’m a say what you mean and mean what you say type, I don’t want to decode riddles or expect others to read my mind.

I hate this phrase more than anything I've ever heard, I'm with you OP!

Infantile language is de rigueur these days.

Use your words
Forever home
Abroad holiday

I picture these people performatively eating their food with their hands, splaying their fingers as if they don’t have full motor control like a toddler, imagining it looks winsome.

Then they curl up on the sofa with a good book, holding their giant mug of hot chocolate with both toddlery paws.

Hate that one,
Hate the fuckin ducks as well 😂

The only time I ever think “use your words” (but don’t say it) is when I see a social media post of a sad face selfie on crowded public transport along the lines of “I’m 3 months pregnant and nobody stood up for me”, “I was feeling faint and nobody stood up for me”., “I have a hidden disability and nobody stood up for me”.

Yeah, use your words fuckwit and ask someone. Otherwise how do they know. Obviously if someone is elderly, on crutches, etc then yes you’d have thought peop,e would notice but even then people are so glued to their phones they might not have done. Just bloody ask!

I actually love that phrase. It’s three words that encapsulates so much.

I’ve never used it on MN as I think it it’s more effective in RL but I couldn’t give a shit if it’s patronising. I use it as a silent mantra for my own sweet self sometimes when I’m seething about dickheads at work.

So YABU and I will not get to fuck.

One that I find irrationally irritating is to “move X in”, as in, “You moved him in too soon” about an undesirable boyfriend. It gives the impression that the person in question is a passive object that can be wheeled in and out like a sofa.

If grown assed adults need to be told to ‘have a conversation’ then it’s not infatalising to say ‘use your words’, it’s just talking to them at their level.

@partyetiquette
Use my foot up your arse you patronising twat

Please stand tall and take a bow.... 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 🤩🤣🤣

But, but….Is this irony? 🤣

It’s a shit MN phrase. Naff as fuck and I recoil when I read it. Totally agree OP.

I say it to DP in a patronising way when he is waffling on about something and making no sense.

Goes like this:

"she did the thing when that happened and I didn't know but then it was gone and that's so nice for them both in the end really but I have known him for years so that's also good really isn't it babe?"

"Dave, use your big boy words..."

I'd rather read a sweary post than a patronising and condescending one.

However, 'Get to Fuck' is beautiful. As is 'G'wan to Fuck' in an Irish accent.

"Indoor voices" and "gentle hands" - in fairness, I used both those phrases with DS when he was small.

DS is autistic and has dyspraxia, so is prone to being heavy-handed and accident-prone. He also has fairly high needs, so especially when he was younger, communication had to be precise and clear, while also keeping things simple. Using familiar phrases that he recognised was recommended by speech therapy to help him understand and process language.

So, for example, petting the dog - he wasn't hitting the dog, but due to his dyspraxia, he might be stroking the dog too hard. Gentle hands - often while putting my hand over his to model the correct behaviour - was the perfect phrase. I remember one time he wanted to hold a baby chick and I was bloody terrified he was going to squish the life out of it!! 🫣 So there were multiple repetitions of "remember! gentle hands!" while hovering over him 😂

"Stop hitting" wouldn't apply because he'd never hit an animal. Not ever. But accidentally clumsy as he wasn't paying proper attention to his hands? Yes!!

I have very rarely used "indoor voice" but can remember once or twice. "Be quiet" implies shutting up completely and "be quieter" could imply whispering. "Indoor voice" is very specific and conveys exactly what you mean.

I appreciate this thread isn't about SEN, but sometimes those phrases that sound annoying have very real and practical uses in children with communication difficulties.

I've never used "use your words" to an adult but when I've seen it used on here, it's generally meant to be patronising I think! Posters clearly get frustrated with people who have posted questions without having very basic, fundamental conversations with the people they need to, and expect Mumsnetters to be mindreaders 😂

‘It’s an invitation not a summons’- drives me mad. Used on a recent post about wedding clothing etiquette- doesn’t even make sense in that context. People just parrot things they have heard as they think it makes them sound ‘in’. I see it in the workplace often too.

And I thought I was going crossed-eyed!

It's awful isn't it?

See also, 'kindly OP........' followed by a comment that is anything but kind.

And (eg) ..... 'Reader, I told him to shut up.'

Also 'you sound young,' 'you sound like hard work,' and the nastiest one that I loathe with a passion 'you're unhinged.'

I actually don't understand what "get to fuck" means, I understand "fuck off" but not the former. Is it Northern?

Yeah, I agree. 😆

It's pretty Northern English/Scottish. Just means 'fuck off' basically.

I see it a lot and it always makes me dislike the poster and think they must be a rude twat in real life.

even though they may be making a valid point about someone expecting a partner / relative to read their mind.

it was maybe funny the first time someone said it, but it’s become a mumsnet cliche- along with ‘tinkly laugh’ and ‘did you mean to be so rude’

Go Forth and Multiply - I was reliably informed meant Fuck Off

Oh, I absolutely hate "you do you"!
It's so passive aggressive. Just disagree with me and say so.