Went down husband’s phone

[PulpKitchen]

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

• My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
• His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
• Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: Are you going to try it on?
• Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
• My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

OK, genuinely interested…So you think snooping is worse than cheating?

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

So basically the only reason he wouldn’t try it is because of his job?

Yeah, I would be done with this.

I guess you're a man

And also ignore the people saying you are wrong for looking at his phone - women are very intuitive. Something took over you and led you to look, and thank God you did. This is all on him - don’t let anyone gaslight you to think otherwise.

Nice to see the male defence league wanking over Mumsnet this afternoon.

Can anyone explain the aubergine emoji? I don't get it!

Imagine being a “man” gaslighting women on mumsnet on a Monday evening 🤣😂😂

For me at the point you feel you have to snoop through a partners phone the relationship is dead anyway. Even if you don’t find anything the trust is gone and without that you have nothing.

No one is defending the partner’s actions. They’re defending his right to privacy.

It ABSOLUTELY is not, OP. What the hell. Also, if he's giving you reason for your spidey senses to be up - snoop away. The worried man, is the guilty man.

I don’t understand why the messages should be so private? I don’t have any worries of my husband finding messages about men to my friends if he were to go down my phone?

He's wanting to sound macho to his male colleague, making an excuse why he wouldn't try it on rather than just say, I'm a happily married man.

Loads of dickheads have found mumsnet and love to spew their bullshit on here nowadays. That's what the chans used to be for but their habitat seems to have dramatically expanded in the last few years.

@ZorbaTheHoarder I am pretty sure it represents the penis. I think there is a world of sexting with its own icky language.

Imagine misusing the term “gaslighting” 😂

Penis. He's basically saying he'd sleep with her

I've literally never heard the expression to "go down" someone's phone instead of "go through". Is it a regional thing? (I know this is not the point of the thread but previous comments have pretty much covered it!)

I think it’s just typical male banter and just wishful thinking and being stupid with your friend. Male bravado. I’d let this one go. Iy
ts just bullshit talk, they talk shit like this with certain friends and differently with other people.

Maybe give the poor woman a heads up then and tell her to go through your phone.

You're on the wrong forum if you want to know how men think!

They're called men. But dickheads is a better fit.

Yes, but no experience is entirely unique. Others may have experienced the same situation and can reflect on it in hindsight.

No, I'd say cheating is worse. But both would be an instant relationship ender for me.

Crazy to me!