Went down husband’s phone

[PulpKitchen]

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

• My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
• His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
• Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: Are you going to try it on?
• Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
• My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

@PulpKitchen

How are things OP?

Yeah he won’t do it because he works with her. If he had met her in the gym he would have totally done her! Just a matter of time imo

Better no husband than a mysogynistic one. It's not the text message it's the attitude. Yes I'd leave and divorce, no I wouldn't care about it but getting another man in the supermarket. I'm not married to avoid being alone. I'm married because I love an exceptional man. If he wasn't exceptional I'd not be married.

He is a lying pig who wants to fuck a much younger woman. She's the one you know about.

These kind of replies are so hugely disrespectful to the young woman involved, as if women are just hanging around with no agency waiting to be "done" by sleazy blokes

You actually believe all these younger women can not possibly be coerced into sex by men do you.

Your mind is twisted into thinking only sexual attraction makes sex.

Your posts worry me.

There are many women, especially young ones who feel pressured in the workplace into accepting the advances of predatory pig behaviour, years later they may understand how they were coerced and act accordingly.

What makes you think this man is any different to the Harvey Weinsteins of this world, or Greg Wallace, who is currently fighting for his career, it's at every level and these men in dull small offices are no different.
Big men in small ponds still go arround devouring young sexual victims.

It needs wiping out because these men damage women.

Harvey Weinstein is a convicted rapist. Gregg Wallace has had 50 or more allegations of sexual impropriety at work. Both of used their professional power and influence to intimidate women in inferior positions. I feel nothing but sympathy for the women who have had to suffer at their hands.

The post I was replying to said If he had met her in the gym he would have totally done her!

I do not accept that women at the gym have no agency to repel the advances of sleazy men. Have you fucked every older guy who ever came on to you?

Yes you are being unreasonable. Private conversations that have literally nothing to do with you OP.

A friend of mine checks her husband's phone to see what he's up to regularly. It makes me uncomfortable when she tells me. And honestly I said to her. Even if you did find something. You can't do anything with that information without destroying the relationship.
The second you looked into his phone. You said you didn't trust him. How can you save a relationship now you have crossed that line.
It's not about his phone. If he's going to cheat. He will anyway. He called you something overbearing or something. I can't find it now. If he's disrespectful about you to his friends. It's over anyway. Couldn't imagine my partner or me saying anything about each other to friends. It's personal.
Communication needs to be with each other. He has no trouble telling his friends how he feels.
Weird that.

Always go by your gut instinct is my moto.
i snooped once on my husbands phone - my instincts were correct. We are no longer together.

Yuk, this is really creepy. Might be all talk, but still grim. Is the other guy married? I don't see how you can ignore it and carry on. You already feel somethings off cos you looked through his phone in the first place.

My husband and I have permission to check each other's phone and emails. We know each other's passwords. We have trust in each other.

Brilliant that you have such a good, trusting relationship, sadly many of us don’t and while nothing good usually comes from looking, it’s sometimes the only way to confirm or eliminate suspicions

My partner could check my phone whenever he wants. He’s welcome to check my emails, might do me a favour and get through my work ones.

My concern would be that if he ever did, despite not finding anything, looking would mean he absolutely didn’t trust me, and we’d be over regardless.

When people look, they don’t know anything is there. The looking alone shows your relationship is IMO done, because if you’re so mistrusting that you need to check your partners phone, your relationship isn’t working.