Went down husband’s phone

[PulpKitchen]

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

• My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
• His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
• Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: Are you going to try it on?
• Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
• His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
• My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

Another LAWYER has said I am right.

Name that lawyer.

@eastegg.

It's strange that you can't, or won't, understand that a smartphone is "a device for storing, processing and retrieving information". Maybe you'll just trot out your usual "IT'S ONLY FOR MAKING PHONE CALLS SO IT CAN'T BE A COMPUTER!" line.

I don’t think it’s funny, not at all. I literally said in my post that I wasn’t defending it. I did say it was alright but that was from the perspective of the two consenting adults in that conversation that nobody else was supposed to see. If my post came across in a way that I was condoning it then I apologise, because I wasn’t.

I have 3 daughters. I have a son. He wouldn’t speak like that and nor would I and I’d take great exception to anyone talking about my daughters like that. But you know what, I’m sure someone will do at some point in their lives.

I responded to that poster because she’s outraged on behalf of someone else, which is her prerogative, but to claim that bloke had cheated or that he was prepared to was absolutely ridiculous.

Your post got a bit anti-men too. Not all men are the same and as Yugoslavia doesn’t exist anymore, I’m pretty certain my feeder threads throw up no such thing. FYI I mostly get prompts for tools, machinery and football.

Sorry, which lawyer has corrected MemorableTrenchcoat? Can you point me to the post please? I must have missed that.

I hope that this video will end the debate as to whether it is legal to access someone else's phone without their permission. It comes from a PI who makes their money catching errant men, and it explains how to do it legally. It also lists the main 3, and 4 niche, laws that you break in accessing someone else's mobile phone, and identifies 2 famous people who were sent to prison (8 months & 18 months) for doing that.

HTH

I don't have time to watch the video yet, but it seems it's about hacking. That is completely irrelevant to the OP. She is not hacking into his phone.

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:20

No, it’s about accessing someone’s phone, with a view to establishing whether they’ve been cheating. The private investigator advises that they cannot do so without the owner’s permission, as this would be illegal. The first piece of legislation they cite is Section 1 of the Computer Misuse Act (1990).

Hacking isn’t used in the legislation, it’s slang for unauthorised access. So you’re making an irrelevant point. S.1 of the Computer Misuse Act is about unauthorised access. It’s access without permission, simple as that, whether that’s a complicated highly skilled process or 5 seconds guessing your husband’s PIN.

Okay, would all those posters who were so down on @memorabletrenchcoat and adamant that they were incorrect, kindly retract their incorrect assertions, and apologise for being wrong!?

P.s. this should include the 'lawyer' on here who didn't know the law btw!!

I guarantee that no one would be prosecuted for delving into a phone/laptop/tablet unless it is part of a much wider and very serious case of abuse. To think otherwise is ridiculous.

Who thinks otherwise? Not me.

Ok, I’ve read that now.

That poster was extremely scathing about MemorableTrenchcoat, but didn’t actually state their own view of whether accessing a spouse’s phone without permission would fall under s.1 of the CMA, or explicitly state that MT was wrong about that. They may well, therefore, have been misinterpreting what they said, as many have done on this thread, from ‘it’s a crime’ to ‘it’s a crime that would be prosecuted or deserves prosecution’, the latter being something that MT never said although many have reacted as if they did.

ByGreenHiker was very oppositional, but also vague about the specific point being made.

Needless to say, I’m not holding my breath!

I generally go by what the OP has said, not by speculation about what she could have done. If she didn't say she knew his PIN I'm going to assume there probably wasn't a PIN.

Even if there was no PIN, without permission its unauthorised access.

Which apparently wouldn't be prosecuted, everyone seems to agree on that, so why should the OP care?
I don't see how talking about the legalities of it is helpful to her. I suppose it's possible she could be a strict by the letter of the law type of person, meaning she would think twice about doing that again, but it doesn't help her current situation.

Someone asked if it was actually illegal, to which I responded; correctly, as it transpires. Umpteen people, including you, have jumped on me, saying I’m telling lies, spouting nonsense, don’t understand the law etc. It’s all rather strange.

Excuse me, but I did no such thing. I politely asked you if you knew it for a fact, because I wanted to know if it was, and I accepted your answer as truthful to the best of your knowledge. Never once did I so much as imply that you were lying. Some people were pretty rude to you, which is unfortunate, but I was not one of them. You are lumping everyone who has so much has asked you a question into the same category. I sympathize with you feeling attacked, but this is not the way to deal with it. Have a good day.

You have jumped on me, and you’ve argued with me at every turn. More than most, in fact, with the exception of @SamiSnail .

But it's not illegal to pass on photos of young women who you work with and converse about whether they going to try and fuck them.

I mean that's the context of this isn't it.

It's wrong to snoop on someone's phone who you are married to but it's ok to pass on this woman's photo and grade her sexuality.

The law is an ass.

That is either an outright lie or a delusion. It's a discussion. That's what these threads are for. I say what I think and you say what you think. That's how a discussion works. Are you seriously saying that anyone who disagrees with any point you make is attacking you?

I will no longer be responding to this nonsense. Feel free to report me if you genuinely think I have attacked you, which I highly doubt you do. MN will not agree.

Why you persistently in defending this behaviour by trying to minimise it as a " joke" is beyond me.

Well, maybe try and take me at my word for what I have already said and will repeat now: I am not defending it or minimising it or excusing it when I say it was a joke.

Seriously, think about that. If that is true, then your assumption of what I mean when I talk about it being a joke must be different to what I actually mean, right? It must be.

So let’s try again.

I maintain it’s a joke. A private joke between two guys. And what I mean by that is not a joke with a punchline, but more like an unserious conversation. Banter. They are just shooting the shit in this lighthearted tone. This is all meant to be nothing. Froth. Funny because “imagine you did fuck her - and you a married man, ten years older”.

Of course, you don’t find this funny. I don’t find this funny.

But these two guys find it funny. They end with a 😆. It’s a conversation meant to elicit a smile or a laugh. A joke.

As someone said above, “men think we are the joke / women are reduced to a fuck.”

So, it’s a joke and that’s terrible. Calling it a joke doesn’t excuse it or make anything better. You’re exactly right - the conversation reveals misogyny, emotional immaturity and huge disrespect for his relationship. Jokes can do that. The thoughts they contain may not be serious thoughts, but they are serious things.

And after all this, I wonder how OP is feeling?
Are you ok OP?