Late evening eating

[Blankscreen]

I need some perspective as I m not sure if I am being grumpy.

Dss 21 lives at home full time. He has a job and goes to work 9-5 as do DH and I.

Dss is obsessed with the gym and bulking.
He finishes work, drives past his gym to come home to eat before he can work out. He eats 4 poached eggs on toast.

Even if I am in the process of cooking dinner he can't wait. He eats his eggs and goes to the gym and wants dinner kept for when he get home.

He gets in about 10:30 and he starts reheating his dinner and making more eggs and porridge. .
This is every weeknight.

At the weekend he goes to the gym slightly earlier.

Last night he appeared as dinner was being dished up at 7:30. By the time we had eaten an cleared up it was 8:15. Kitchen was done, floor swept, worktops polished

At about 10:10 he appeared to start the great big cook up of eggs and porridge etc I snapped and said I was sick of it and enough is enough. He needs to have a protein shake. To which I was told it's not enough calories.. DH tried to intervene and placate and said that as long as he clears up it's ok.

Thing is he never clears up properly. I also don't want the constant noise and mess of cooking and clearing up going in whilst I want to relax.
This morning his dirty plate is left in the sink.

AIBU to say no more cooking late at night? He can reheat his dinner but the rest needs to stop.
The other week I got woken up at 2:15am and he was making eggs as he's been out

@Blankscreen stop buying all this food, he can pay for the extra himself.

He doesn't clean up sufficiently well. And he lives at home with his dad in a property CO-OWNED BY OP - that gives her a say about what goes on in her home and how much DSS pays for living there, particularly when that paltry sum doesn't even cover his food!

Ok sorry if this has been suggested but could something like this work as a compromise? I think it plugs in. He could just eat them hard boiled if it’s late. Maybe he could have it in his room & clean it first thing each morning so it’s not too disruptive? https://amzn.to/44ExWbP

An egg cooker being used in a small male occupied bedroom

Bring on the febreeze!!!

@SallySooo why are you trying to make Op invisible and pretend she doesn’t exist?

As various PPs have said there are several instant solutions here:

• new high protein recipes that can be batch cooked at more convenient times of day (boiled eggs, overnight oats)
• relaxing your showhome standards to mere Buckingham palace level
• having a chat with DS about his contributions to household finances and living standards

Instead you’re doing none of these and instead here fuming and thinking about moving out. What game are you actually playing here?

He needs to move out, cooking at night would drive me insane and if it was someone doing it every night, and at unsociable times, they would be banned from cooking anything.

Tell him to move, anywhere else 🤣

People saying he’s an adult, clearly have young children still, who don’t do any of these unsociable irritating things yet

So what? Why do you care what he eats?

Have you got control issues/OCD regarding cleaning and your kitchen? You don’t have to put the plates straight into the dishwasher when it’s stopped. Leave it for him to empty and restock. You can’t insist the kitchen is ‘closed’ after you’ve finished cooking. The younger children will get older too, and they too will want the freedom to cook themselves food outside of the set meal times.

I’d be very concerned about the number of eggs he’s eating. The egg industry are even no longer allowed to use the term ‘healthy’ in advertising.

https://nutritionfacts.org/topics/eggs/

He is cleaning up. Just not to the standard which OP wants - which she admits is perfect and ‘show home’. It’s an impossible bar.

Far rather this than slobbing about eating pizza!
He won’t be living with you forever - give him a break!

He might be, for £150 a month!

What standard is it to leave bits of the food all over the place and not wash your crockery up?

Is that the normal standard?

If thats ok, then OP can just put that plate right back in the cupboard no?

If thats ok then OP can just leave that cruddy egg on the sink/worktop no?

If it isnt ok, I wonder who should clean it up?

Blankscreen · Today 17:27
He has 12 eggs and 9 slices of bread a day, plus lunch, plus porridge, plus dinner plus mountains of fruit, yogurt snack etc.
...........

That is a very unhealthy diet and, in time, will lead to many health problems.

He needs to consult with a sports dietitian or nutritionist.

His diet is completely irrelevant to any of this, I dont know why people are talking about kidneys and nutritionists.

What on earth are you talking about? Not what this poster is implying whatsoever. Are you ok?

My DS (18) isn't quite as bad as your describing but pretty similar. Gym. Bulking. Needing more protein. But he doesn't do eggs as he hates them. But he's come back from uni and each meal is out of sync so sounds like yours. So lunch time is breakfast, late afternoon is lunch etc. And almost 'two dinners'. He will generally cook up his own lunch and '2nd' dinner which is lots of meat, rice etc. But then there is endless pans etc and stuff dumped overnight! I get a bit frustrated but my dh is very similar to you and really has to bite his tongue with it.

This week I explained to DS and asked if he could prep say three days of his meat and veg in one go and then just microwave a container every day and it would be a lot less mess, pans used, clattering around etc. He completely got it and said he's happy to do that, it's just not occurred to him.

Could you suggest some kind of compromise like that? Get him to meal prep (at a suitable time) so even porridge oats and yogurt could be pre portioned and make it easier to grab. The eggs are tricky. Would he have cold hard boiled eggs? Or make mini egg protein muffins (like an omelette but in a muffin pan and made in advance)?

I think a compromise is probably needed. I think you're being quite perfectionist but I've also experienced the frustration and it's not easy! Your DSS is older than my DS though and I think if I can get him to see the issue then you should be able to get your DSS to.

Agreed..
My DM is the same. She's very houseproud and I feel obliged to keep it tidy, even aged 44...but I think she's a bit more laid back now for her grandchildren 🤣

Nine eggs a day has got to be slightly excessive. Three, maybe four at a push. All that protein is quite ok but the cholesterol would worry me, and anything in excess just isn't great, even water.

Because nine eggs a day seems a tad excessive, in spite of regular gym sessions and exercise. Nobody needs that many bloody eggs per day, surely?!

OP said the plates were left because the dishwasher is on, and so she’s stuck emptying the dishwasher and stacking his plates. She should leave the dishwasher for him to stack and reload, every day if that’s deemed a fair family contribution if he’s doing no cooking. But I can’t see the crime of leaving the plate until the dishwasher finishes. It’s what most people do.

@CantThinkOfAUsername57

im fine thanks. I was making reference to the poster commenting that this man lives with his dad and its dad’s house and dad, dad, dad when Op lives there and does have a say, like it or not. She’s not just there to clean up.

Yes but its irrelevant to the issue at hand which is that he treats OP like the maid.

I haven’t RTFT so sorry if someone else has suggested this. Can’t he just boil a batch of eggs once or twice a week? Then he can have his eggs but it’s only being cooked once and kept in the fridge?

When you said about egg snot 🤢

It would probably piss me off if someone was doing this all the time!

Well, it's plainly not "an impossible bar" if OP can reach it (as could I). OP does all the shopping, all the meal planning and cooking for the family and most of the cleaning. Her kitchen, her rules. If DSS doesn't like it he can move out - and when he's paying at least 3x in rent for a house share and paying for food on top, he might realise how good he had it living with his Dad and OP.

Except that apparently, according to OP he empties the dishwasher under sufference, leaving her to have to nag him to do it and thats only if she can catch him before hes running out to work or the gym

So if you dont want to engage with the dishwasher, wash up your plate

And no, once the kitchen is cleaned and the dishwasher is running and the sink is cleaned and the worktops wiped down, I would expect them to stay like that if someone else cooks something, they should just wipe off any mess they make and clean a plate. How is this arduous. How is this 'show home' standard?