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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Late evening eating

306 replies

Blankscreen · 07/07/2025 13:34

I need some perspective as I m not sure if I am being grumpy.

Dss 21 lives at home full time. He has a job and goes to work 9-5 as do DH and I.

Dss is obsessed with the gym and bulking.
He finishes work, drives past his gym to come home to eat before he can work out. He eats 4 poached eggs on toast.

Even if I am in the process of cooking dinner he can't wait. He eats his eggs and goes to the gym and wants dinner kept for when he get home.

He gets in about 10:30 and he starts reheating his dinner and making more eggs and porridge. .
This is every weeknight.

At the weekend he goes to the gym slightly earlier.

Last night he appeared as dinner was being dished up at 7:30. By the time we had eaten an cleared up it was 8:15. Kitchen was done, floor swept, worktops polished

At about 10:10 he appeared to start the great big cook up of eggs and porridge etc I snapped and said I was sick of it and enough is enough. He needs to have a protein shake. To which I was told it's not enough calories.. DH tried to intervene and placate and said that as long as he clears up it's ok.

Thing is he never clears up properly. I also don't want the constant noise and mess of cooking and clearing up going in whilst I want to relax.
This morning his dirty plate is left in the sink.

AIBU to say no more cooking late at night? He can reheat his dinner but the rest needs to stop.
The other week I got woken up at 2:15am and he was making eggs as he's been out

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 09/07/2025 21:27

independentfriend · 09/07/2025 19:15

Is it possible/ practical to convert another space to be a mini kitchen for him? Somewhere he can cook eggs / porridge/toast away from where you cook.

At this point in the year an outside space might work with a BBQ / camping stove.

It's not reasonable to restrict him from cooking or from late night eating. It might be reasonable to make him do his cooking somewhere else that disturbs everyone else less.

What he eats isn't anybody else's business unless he's eating chunks of ingredients for meals or other people's favourite snacks etc. Doesn't matter if it looks weird, just let it go.

I sort of agree with this, ish, except......

As he is on £30,000+ he can go to ‘another space’ where he pays for his food and rent and has to clear up after himself. It would be called a house share, bedsit, flat etc. etc. and he could stop treating his stepmother like a skivvy. Job done.

Firethehorse · 10/07/2025 09:56

The annoying attitude and behaviour made a lot more sense when you mentioned an Andrew Tate advocate. I would not accept that attitude and behaviours from my DC it is not a step thing.
Also, it’s not just the food is it. So if he’s not saving up for a deposit and actually just wants to stop working asap is he planning on being with you guys long term?
Your partner sounds complicit so let him be the one to clean up the mess each and every time if he won’t make his son. It’s time to point out to both that the cooking and cleaning is not just woman’s work. Your husband can do some batch cooking over the weekend and maybe teach his son whilst he’s at it.

xB1991x · 10/07/2025 10:02

I’d sit down and make a plan with him and your husband about flying the nest at 22. Cant be living at home much longer really, he needs to learn about the world and can only do that by moving out and becoming independent, whether that's buying his first flat or renting 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dragonfly97 · 10/07/2025 15:19

I think he needs to move out and get his own place; i couldn't stand this fucking about in the kitchen at night. Tell him to get his own place and he can cook when he likes there.

Cherrytree86 · 10/07/2025 20:19

Why can’t he live in a house share with his mates?? Sounds like it would be much better for him

ConstitutionHill · 10/07/2025 20:40

You have my sympathies OP. He needs to move out.

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