Agree with you wholeheartedly op.
It’s much easier to say “yes” than stick to a boundary or take the time to teach a child why a certain behaviour is undesirable. And put up with their whinging afterwards.
And I can’t stand parents who think their angel somehow is so special that they should evade the rules to the detriment of everyone else,
I had to reluctantly end one of my DD’s friendships ( they were both about five at the time) because I strongly disagreed with the way this friend was being parented and let’s just say, I didn’t blame the child.
I didn’t see myself as my child’s friend when they were younger, although I tried to be friendly, I was their parent. It was my job to teach them about how to treat themselves and others.
Now they are adults, we have moved much more in to the friendship zone and it’s so lovely, one of the best bits of parenting, but I still say I disagree with something if I am invited to comment. (Otherwise I keep my trap firmly shut 😀)
As Michelle Obama said, so much about parenting is saying “no” and many parents are unprepared for that. You have to have the self confidence as a parent not to be popular with your dc sometimes.
The comedian Jimmy Carr (can’t stand him but …) also spoke about this in an interview and basically said it’s your prerogative whether you give in to your child’s demands for sweets, let them avoid doing homework, and buy them presents whenever they demand it, but then don’t complain if you end up with fat, spoilt, ignorant children. (Or words to that effect.) In other words, you are saying “no” not for the sake of it, but for their long-term benefit.
Good parents take the time and trouble to say “no” and explain why, because it’s ultimately for the good of the child and the rest of society if that child is taught to take other people’s perspectives in to account. No man is an island. If you want your child to have friends and thrive in society, then teach them basic manners and how to share and behave reasonably fhs! You do them a disservice if you don’t!
Trying to get the balance right between still saying “no” but not being too negative and destroying your child’s self-confidence, or your relationship, is one of the hardest aspects of parenting I think. You have to, while saying no, still try to develop their self-esteem and their independent judgement. And of course keep reminding them of how loved they are. It’s far from easy.
I am not going to be popular saying this, but I think all of the above has become much harder for parents when their working hours have increased. If you only have an hour or so at the end of the working day to engage with your child, you are much more likely to want that engagement to be pleasant and not ruin it by putting in a boundary.
Similarly, weekends and holidays seem to have become an endless succession of outings and trips where dc are indulged because parents feel guilty for not being with their dc enough during the working week.
Another issue is parents using screens as baby-sitters for similar reasons.
As a result, some kids have yet to learn what it is like to stay at home, be bored, rely on their own imagination, creativity and inner resources to entertain themselves and each other, and eat an ordinary meal at an ordinary dining table without screens.
It’s scandalous that the UK has some of the longest working hours in the continent of Europe.
And lastly, there are far too many dads who have left altogether and avoided taking responsibility for parenting their dc, and far also far too many “fun” Disney dads who see it as their job to be popular with their kids and referee between mum and the dc, rather than being a team player and backing up their wife and partner to hold boundaries. And yes that’s a very sexist way of putting it, because both sexes are equally responsible for parenting, and boundary-setting, but in reality the mother often ends up doing the lion’s share (hopefully the balance is improving) or certainly has during the very early years,