To think that most parents find saying ‘no’ to children very difficult?

[Mumbletoomuch]

I’m struggling with the fact my very reasonable friends seem incapable or scared of saying no to their children.

Child wants to eat the last homemade cupcake (second helping) when everyone else has had one? Of course. Just eats the icing off and wastes the rest? Just laughs it off

Child has friends over to play but wants to watch telly for hours straight? Meaning the play date is a TV marathon? Of course

Child wants huge monster slushy at a birthday party, when the hosts have provided squash? Of course. Many other children then start whining at their parents for the same? Of course

Child wants to role play with parent while they’re having a conversation with a friend? Of course. This means the adult conversation is disjointed and pointless, not a problem.

I’ve become self-conscious about how many boundaries and ‘no’ I give to my children, or if it is legitimately annoying and lazy parenting. We go on holidays, we do fun things, I play with them, we watch TV, they eat sweets, but I say no to a lot during the day. I would say no or boundary set in all the above examples.

AIBU?

So you would prioritise people you haven’t met over your child?

that isn’t teaching your child boundaries or how to say no it is teaching them to be a people pleaser and that isn’t a good thing to be

life is a balance - the whole tenet of human rights is a balancing act of your needs vs the needs of others and it is about making the right choice that falls on the right side of this

Nope not being ‘seen’ as selfish. Literally thinking of only yourself is being selfish 🤦🏼‍♀️

adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

So you are never selfish? Because
(a) I don’t believe that

and if it is true
(b) it is a healthy way to live

Life is about balance about having boundaries that both respect others but also ensure your own needs are met.

sometimes it is ok and the right thing to put yourself first and sometimes you need to protect and make sure others are ok.

Parenting is tricky because it is about both of the above - no one likes someone who is a selfish arse all the time but being a people pleaser all the time is no place to be either

In what way is it selfish to put your own child’s needs first? I’m not doing it for myself.

Might have been me, my son could have a seizure

Say yes if you can, and when you say no mean it, no isn’t needed as much as I hear some parents use it. (Or more likely saying no and then give in)