Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Oh come on. She’s broken up with a boyfriend, it happens, she’s sad, I’m sure she can still give her cousin a quick hug. No-one’s asking her to host a dinner party.

And son? He hasn’t broken up with anyone.

Yoy asked why cousin should take precedence - that’s an odd way to look at it, but yes, a family member bringing her new baby round to meet you would normally be considered to take precedence over sitting in your room upstairs…

Id rather my family where not forced to spends time with me if they didn’t want to. Especially to keep up appearances. Especially when they were going through something.

Not everyone has the same idea of what is and isn’t rude.

What was DS going through?

Obviously it’s a big deal to her though! People have babies every day too. Why the fuss 🙄

God you love to argue don’t you? It’s your way of the highway!!

He was supporting her.

They probably don’t, honestly. I have met people like this IRL.

You reckon? I doubt it - everyone would pile on to say that nobody owed your baby a viewing.

And if the DD posted then everyone would tell her to block her ex.

But also - this isn’t about what the cousin did or didn’t want. It’s about the OP’s disappointment in two of her adult children’s lack of basic manners.

Psychically, through the wall from his own bedroom?

@LemondrizzleShark Would you rather somebody in a shop wished you a nice day despite not really meaning it, or shouted “fuck off you old trout!” at you as you left?

As long as they meant it I'd actually prefer the latter. It would make me laugh (possibly in shock the first time) and I'd prefer it to insincerity.

op drip fed that he was actually sitting with the daughter actually. Try reading.

Yep. There seems to a lot of Hyaxxintg Bucket types on here who think being seen to be “proper” is more important than anything. Even their own child’s pain.

Unless Rachel Reeves had just been told of the terminal diagnosis or the death of someone close to her, she should not have been crying in the H of C in my opinion.

I expect cousin would have appreciated the effort made by DD if DD had washed her face and said hello, even if she then went back to her room and OP explained to cousin about the breakup. It probably would have done the DD some good and stopped her wallowing in the break up by allowing the ex to continue to send horrible messages to her instead of blocking him.

So many of these responses are crazy to me. But then again I am from an Asian culture and we do a lot of stuff differently I think. It would be unthinkable to ignore any guest, regardless of whether there was a baby present. A quick hello to a family member would be enough though.

Some of the responses here are so OTT. But then this is a site where people can’t pick up the phone or answer the door, so unsurprising really.

People are human. Not robots. They can’t always hold back the tears just because it would be more convenient for others

I've cried in front of colleagues and my bosses... they've cried in front of me. We are not robots.

I don't think punching someone is comparable to staying upstairs when upset tbh

@Ddakji You reckon? I doubt it - everyone would pile on to say that nobody owed your baby a viewing.

This is also true so maybe it'd be a 50/50 split then.

It's MN, so whatever some people here say about situations like this it's going to be extreme and nothing like half the posters would do IRL.

DS was being kind and supportive of his sister- a much closer relative

Everyone on here is arguing why their way is the right way???

At home or a hotel or your child hood bedroom shouldn’t be a place you have to “turn off emotions” for someone else’s benefit.

Your daughter and son will of learnt appearances mean more to you than feelings.

Or he was using that as an excuse not to greet his cousin.

This is family. All this talk of ‘guests’ is just weird. I will never think of my adult kids as guests!

Correct, she should not have been crying. And yet she was. Because people are not robots.

You're a strange person.

Manners oil the wheels of society and always have done, that's why they were invented. Most people would prefer that others were polite to them as they go about their business, rather than have to be bombarded by others' emotions in the name of being genuine.

”Why the fuss”, seriously? Because it’s a new member of their family, not the sprog of some woman from Mum’s knitting circle. It would have taken ten minutes. Staying upstairs is saying to their cousin that they don’t care about her or her child. That’s really sad.

I don’t know, maybe sone people don’t see cousins as close family, can’t explain sone of the comments in this thread otherwise.

OP, I think it’s perfectly normal that you were disappointed for your niece. I hope it’s not too long until the next time they cone home and have another chance to meet the baby.