Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

I think @AdEmRoJaAn you have all your answers here. Your eldest 2 are just not into their cousin (and baby). They are adults now and get to be rude if they want.

No sense in ‘raging’ about it.

She was crying. She had recently had an abortion. A simple hi might sound reasonable, but in the moment it may not have been!

I think it's clear in this case that the son and daughter are not close to the cousin (they are probably aware that she is technically close family, but that perhaps doesn't mean much to them in the absence of a meaningful personal relationship). Lots of people are not close to their cousins.

Virtual stranger? He needs to build resilience

Lovely of your son to sit with his upset sister. However, they could have said a quick hello so they are rude and snobby, since they think they are above the other family members.

Not everyone is close to their cousins you know.

I don’t think it’s controlling at all to expect your adult children to have good manners.

MN is definitely not a place for socially ‘normal’ behaviour, that’s for sure.

Good manners is also about understanding other people feelings, and the current situation. Not blind compliance.

I understand that the new baby could be triggering. But I wouldn’t count a termination over a year ago as ‘recent’. But accept that others do

I think coming down to say hi is a fine expectation. Maybe your daughter especially was just trying to avoid having a baby forced on her? There's still this thing that all women must love babies and be desperate to hold them.

I hated that in my 20's and would either be forced to awkwardly hold a baby I really didn't want to hold or awkwardly say no thank you and still be pressured anyway.

Some people never get over a termination. We’re all different and that’s kind of the point. Some people would absolutely be able to plaster a smile on and get on with it, others would not, and they should not be condemned for it.

I also get the impression a quick hello would not have been enough to satisfy OP either.

I do think there is definitely a cultural difference at play in the responses as well. I’d only recognise two of mine walking down the street today despite as young children being close.

The last time I saw any of them would have probably been my wedding with the duty invites over 14 years ago now. A lot of us have had children ranging from newborns to 17 year olds. I know because of Facebook posts. I don’t think I’ve met more than two in my side in person but at least 10 exist. So meeting a cousins new baby is about as high up on my list as visiting a new take away that’s opened locally. I’d I bumped into them in Tesco I’d say hi if they spotted me.

Possibly.

What’s happening on Sept 1st?

I couldn’t get worked up into a rage about it, that seems very dramatic, but I would have hoped they’d say hello to their cousin and new baby and I’d have told them it was very bad manners on their part. DD is dealing with a break up and DS apologised, is raging a thing in your house?

You're upset enough about it to write a post on mumsnet???!!! The issue here is you, not them.

They don’t live there. That makes them guests. Seems I did read the post - try again.

100% agree with this

But she is a member of the family visiting the family home. Not a big deal to pop down and say hello.

So the cousin was visiting without expecting to see them anyway. She didn’t even have to know they were in the house.

I was replying to a post that questioned a cousins being a virtual stranger.

also, it might not normally be a big deal, but when she’s crying her eyes out in distress, then yeah, it might be a big deal. But god forbid she might be given some leeway and not considered rude.

The cousin had arranged to visit when the two eldest weren't even supposed to be there. There's clearly no relationship between them. Op should just let it go.

Being a teen and having ASD isn’t an excuse for rudeness.

You’re wrong