Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

[Isitreallysohard]

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

You’re absolutely correct of course but I really don’t see the point of posting a thread asking for opinions when all anyone seems to want is an echo chamber. OP doesn’t appear to have taken on board anything that others have mentioned and it seems those that have commented within the 62% have more than one kid or at least experience of 7 year olds.

Why not? This used to really annoy me, hosting 2 children for my one.

She’s not hosting! It’s the bloody park!

Why don't they have options?

I was about to post the same. Tell me you have one child without telling me you have one child

Maybe he has other things to be getting on with.

Sometimes it is not about your annoyance but your DC fun and development.
They're not always going to be the centre of the world.
I have had children playing here over the years.

Do her a favour and stop inviting them. She doesn’t need people like you in her life.

In soft plays and the park? I wouldn’t be asking other people’s permission to take my children to public places, no.

What do you mean “why not?” Why can’t she just leave her 3year old toddler on their own with another parent they don’t know well?? Is that a serious question?

This thread has been a revelation. I had no idea people were so uptight and controlling about play dates for toddlers. When mine were that age people just came over with all their kids and everyone played together. No one was micro-managing friendships or tallying up how many of their kids to how many of mine. It was relaxed and friendly.

If you are expecting the mum to stay during the playdate, then you should expect that they bring their other children too.
Either say that you are happy for a drop off and pick up later, or dont invite them, or meet in a park.
You can't expect anything else.

62% is not an echo chamber either? What a pile on!

"OP doesn’t appear to have taken on board anything that others have mentioned"

She's not wrong though.

This isn't necessarily the insult you think it is. I am as clueless as the OP, because I don't ever want to understand how hard it is to have more than one. Sort of in the same way that I don't ever want to understand how hard it is to become a pole vaulter. I'd very happily own being considered an obvious parent of an only!

The bloody cheek. I hope he isn't watching TV.
Definitely do this lady a favour, don't invite her again.

OP doesn’t like it when the other Mum brings her other child to the park either. 😂

OPs house I do get more (but again we don’t know if DH is just shit or has other weekend commitments)!

the mum may be under the impression it was ok as she has previously had the thumbs up from OP so @Isitreallysohard time to stop inviting this mum to your house, to only meet outside the house, or just say you think it would be lovely for your two kids to have some 1:1 time

I wasn’t suggesting 62% was an echo chamber as 62% disagree with OP.
If OPs here for opinions she’s getting that from those with more experience than she currently has
In that sende this is a good thread as it is offering ‘the other side’. It doesn’t seem OP wants to hear it

It’s not meant to be an insult.

But perhaps more sheer disbelief that someone is so wrapped up in their child having exclusive play dates. You can’t patrol who your child plays with all the time, nursery school etc. children benefit from playing with many children. It’s all a bit PFB (now this one is intended as an insult 😉)

I don't really know why it's hard to believe that if you only have one child, and several options for playdates, you're likely to pass on the one that involves your child being bossed around by an older sibling.
It is possibly "precious" in the sense that I am exercising my right (or luxury) of not having to accommodate PITA siblings if I don't want to.

It's common sense to have more playdates with families where the dynamic suits you (whether that's one child or 6), but surely that's just what everyone does?

How well do you know this family? You said it is a new friend so how do you know dad isn't doing something else at home.
Like I said maybe he works nights and needs to sleep in the day.
Maybe as others said they each have child free time.

Also I am confused if you are meeting at home or elsewhere? As if it's elsewhere you can't really control where people take their children.

I would also be cautious of these 'deep' friendship you want to encourage and you should encourage a range of friends. Those who have a 'deep' friendship in the lower years of primary tend to be very controlling and don't like it when the friend plays with someone else.

Next time say it would be nice to do something with just the little ones and ask if there's a time for them where that would work

Perhaps she has no one else with whom to leave her 7-year old child. You should try to be more understanding, otherwise cancel the playdates.

So she’s meant to throw away her 7 year old so you and your DC can get a better experience?

If your dc is enjoying these play dates then perhaps you could think on it in a different way. Assuming your dc is an only child then you could use this as an experience of playing with an older child and a different dynamic. You could invite other friends for the one to one experience. I wouldn’t want to take one of my children somewhere at the weekend and leave the other at home.