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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel ‘less’ of a mother when you have one child

218 replies

HelloSunshine100 · 05/07/2025 22:18

Lately I don’t know if I am creating this feeling myself or just noticing things but does anyone else feel like others make you feel less of a parent when you only have one child?
Like the school mums with 3 young kids under five rushing from school run to nursery and carting the baby around etc..almost like they are the ones to really be exhausted and tired and if you have one child it’s awkward to claim your struggling and tired cos you only have one?! Almost like feeling less entitled to the role as parent as you don’t have multiple kids ‘you only have one it must be so easy’ these sorts of comments are widely thrown around…

OP posts:
TreeDudette · 05/07/2025 22:24

Absolutely not. I feel smug that I don’t have to juggle 2 or more 😂

Hankunamatata · 05/07/2025 22:27

Kids are hard. Some are easy going and some arnt. I had 3 under 5, my exhaustion wasnt better or worse than my mates with 1. We all commiserate the same and supported each other
Its not a competition.

Imicola · 05/07/2025 22:29

I just feel really fucking glad i only have 1! I don't really understand why people would have 3 or 4, or more children.

Lesina · 05/07/2025 22:30

No

SummerEve · 05/07/2025 22:30

Stop measuring your own worth by the number of children you may or may not have, it’s not 1930’s Germany!

mynameiscalypso · 05/07/2025 22:30

I know I have it easier. That’s why I stopped after one. I’m totally happy with my choice.

LandOfFruitAndNut · 05/07/2025 22:31

I think this is more about you and your insecurities than about how they present themselves.

Three is harder than one. That’s a fact.

doesn’t make you less of a mother though. That’s all in your head.

RampantIvy · 05/07/2025 22:32

Imicola · 05/07/2025 22:29

I just feel really fucking glad i only have 1! I don't really understand why people would have 3 or 4, or more children.

Me neither. The drudgery involved makes me want to lie in a dark room.

Dweetfidilove · 05/07/2025 22:33

TreeDudette · 05/07/2025 22:24

Absolutely not. I feel smug that I don’t have to juggle 2 or more 😂

Right 😅. I know my limits and 1 was it!
We have a wonderful time.

Gowlett · 05/07/2025 22:33

Don’t know how they do it, fair play!
But it’s different for everyone, that’s the point.
One suits me, so one it is.

pollytunnelanna · 05/07/2025 22:35

I have 2 under 3 plus DSD 50%+ of the time. I’m not really struggling or that tired and don’t necessarily think someone with just one has it easier in fact I know some that definitely have it harder.

things like job, money, space, time, competent father, supportive friends and family etc make much more of a difference to how hard being a parent is than the amount of children you have.

ScrambledEggs12 · 05/07/2025 22:36

I don't know how anyone copes with more than two. I take my hat off to them ...(I have 2)

toffeecocomars · 05/07/2025 22:37

LandOfFruitAndNut · 05/07/2025 22:31

I think this is more about you and your insecurities than about how they present themselves.

Three is harder than one. That’s a fact.

doesn’t make you less of a mother though. That’s all in your head.

Completely agree

Twinhearts · 05/07/2025 22:39

Mother of one teen here. I do not feel like less of a mother, however, I have been made to feel like one since my child was like...four. I have pets, a significant career that I juggled working school hours from home, and despite this, the other mums absolutely looked down on me. I had more than one stay at home mother of two or three children ask me to do favors like childcare or school drop offs because they perceived me as having more time. Some even had full-time nannies, while I was "doing it all."

I felt excluded from a lot of conversations, cliques, and eventually, friendships altogether. I felt like a lot of people would make little digs about how they were so happy their children had each other, etc. Every time someone else got pregnant, I absolutely felt more shunned.

No one knew why I only had one child. No one knew if I would have loved another.

I ended up keeping mostly to myself for most of my child's childhood as a result. The only silver lining was that my child eventually got into a sport with most only children, so I felt more understood there.

But yes. I absolutely felt judged and even now, it's still a sore spot.

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 22:40

I actually found 1 harder then 3 in a lot of ways as they want you all the time to entertain them also when you have 1 you are so hypefocused on them they become your world as by the time you've had your 3rd you kind of just slot them in.

Cocktailsincans · 05/07/2025 22:45

No, it depends how much hard work they are. I have one and she’s incredible but also very strong willed, stubborn etc etc. I have a friend with three, all naturally v easy going, calm, quiet, obedient…I am much more frazzled 😂

Latenightreader · 05/07/2025 22:46

I don't have siblings and only ever wanted one child so I don't feel anything is missing from my life by having just the one. I don't think there are degrees of motherhood - you are or aren't. The experience is different for everyone, and some are definitely more intense than others.

No one is less of a mother because they chose to stop at one, or circumstances meant more weren't possible. Parenthood isn't a numbers game and as a PP said, we are not awarded medals for childbearing....

WonderingWanda · 05/07/2025 22:46

If there are mothers with 3 or more kids looking harassed and they make a snappy comment that they are more tired than you don't take it personally. I am sure they are absolutely bloody knackered and may dream of being you with just one child. I really don't think they would mean to make you feel less of a mother and you absolutely have the right to be tired. I only have 2 and they are older so not really hard work at all now but I recall the hard work when they were small....even when there was just one. Raising a small human is relentless and exhausting.

Whynotjustengageyourbrain · 05/07/2025 22:48

TreeDudette · 05/07/2025 22:24

Absolutely not. I feel smug that I don’t have to juggle 2 or more 😂

This. I think anyone who has 3 kids is insane (and in the cases I know the third has been an accident!)

SlightlyTooMuch · 05/07/2025 22:49

Honestly, I always find it quite odd so many people have more than one.

Anyway, if you have a child, you’re a parent. You can’t be ‘slightly’ a parent. Nor are you more of a parent because you have four children.

Impatient6227 · 05/07/2025 22:54

I think it depends on the child, I found going from 1-2 SO much more tiring, but I think thats because DC2 is a handful. If i just had DC1 I would find it easy, if I just had DC2 it would be as tiring as having both of them!

You're not less of a mother for having 1 OP 🙂

Fartly · 05/07/2025 22:55

I have three and at times (like the hours a day that they play together) it's much easier than one! I occasionally feel bad for my sister who has to entertain a little one constantly, I feel like I couldn't do that! Once a parent, always a parent, doesn't matter if you have 1 or 6 that doesn't change that.

I must say I do think carting them all about to different places is bloody hard work and at those times it would be easier to have one to focus on.

Zezet · 05/07/2025 22:55

One is infinitely easier. Whenever only one of my kids is home it is such a calm and quiet and easy time.

But saying that therefore, one child makes one less of a mum is really saying that motherhood must be hard to be motherhood. And the harder, the better/more real.

Which is a rather depressing way to think about motherhood!

So no, I don't think mums of onelies are "less" mothers.

Doodlebug79 · 05/07/2025 22:56

You're 100% not less than 'just' because you have one child.
Parenting is tough and can be really tiring. You can be just as stretched with an only child!
I have twins and have always felt that I am pretty lucky, as they can often take the pressure off me needing to constantly entertain them, as they play happily together!
We just adapt as parents, dependent upon the amount of children we have.

TaranFollt · 05/07/2025 22:57

I'm a mum of one. Dc is a very easy child. DP very involved. Both sets of grandparents on hand. I have it a lot easier than many.
Don't feel less of a mother.

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