To feel ‘less’ of a mother when you have one child

[HelloSunshine100]

Lately I don’t know if I am creating this feeling myself or just noticing things but does anyone else feel like others make you feel less of a parent when you only have one child?
Like the school mums with 3 young kids under five rushing from school run to nursery and carting the baby around etc..almost like they are the ones to really be exhausted and tired and if you have one child it’s awkward to claim your struggling and tired cos you only have one?! Almost like feeling less entitled to the role as parent as you don’t have multiple kids ‘you only have one it must be so easy’ these sorts of comments are widely thrown around…

I have three under five. I don’t find it particularly hard, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have had more than one. But I really wouldn’t judge you about your decision to have one, or expect you to pitch in and give me a hand! We all make our own choices - try not to care too much about what anyone else thinks!

I have one and have never felt like this. I would have liked another, unfortunately my second pregnancy didn’t work out and it ultimately didn’t happen for us. That makes me sad but I don’t feel any less of a mother for it.

No. I have one and am a Mother regardless. It’s not a competition to see how many kids you can pop out.

I only have one by choice, not because I found it hard!

Exactly this!

Not really. We were all first time mums whinging together. Having multiple kids doesn't eradicate that.

That said, doing it twice sounds like twice the physical work e.g. wake ups, nappies etc plus less energy and having to juggling it all.at the same time, so it probably is harder.

I stopped at one because I found it hard and knew I'd be a worse mum to two. Others probably don't feel that way. Some adjust better than I did. That's OK too. Ots doesn't make either of us "less than". It's not a competition. All feelings about motherhood are valid.

I have two and mums of three make me feel less of a mum.

But I guess maybe they feel that way about mums of four?

When I only have one with me now it feels like a breeze but when I only had one, it never felt easy.

Never consider mums less than for having an only child but objectively of course it’s easier generally. Not easy, just easier.

My mother always said, one's hard work, five look after themselves (I'm #4).

I had 2 and that was more than enough, I see any parent no matter how many DC as equal. I do pity those with lots of DC and wonder why you would put yourself through that

I have four kids all under 6. I know. Insane.

The way I see it is much the same as others have said. Generally, more than one child IS harder work. Not always but usually.

However, it also depends on the individual child/children. Mine for example are all extremely strong willed, high energy, stubborn, defiant, messy, loud etc. I know many other kids are like this. But, I also see their friends and children of my friends who aren't like this and seem to be "easier" children. I'm utterly exhausted and stressed most days. Quite often, I find other parents of 1 or 2 children struggle to relate to certain aspects of my day or how my children have been acting etc.

Also, things tend to seem much easier when 1 or 2 children are removed from the equation (in school/childcare or at grandparents etc) but it depends which ones 😂

But at the end of the day you aren't any less of a parent and trust me, you aren't missing out. If it makes you feel any better, I've noticed this summer more than ever how I'm slightly envious of all the social media posts I see from all the mums I know with one child having nice days out and trips and lovely calm activities with them. Going out with multiple young children is a mission and tbh rarely that enjoyable.

The grass is always greener 😂

The only difference is the lifelong balancing act required when you have more than one. Otherwise, people manage parenthood differently: you can feel totally stressed out and drained by one chilled out and easy baby/toddler/child, or you can take 5 kids totally in your stride and always have perfect hair. A lot of it is what you make of it. But the managing competing demands thing is real.

I have one, my friend has 4, soon to be 5. I don’t feel like less of a mum.

I’m just as frazzled and tired as she is 😂 my one is incredibly demanding and Wiley and has just found out she can get onto the sofa herself. I’m constantly on alert or running around after her, have a full time job, plus 2 side hustles that I work over the 7 day week, doing unsociable hours so that I can be there to run around after my one in the afternoons. If I had two I might get to sit down for a few minutes as they could play together maybe 🤣👀.

You are a mother whether you have one child or 10.

However...

Personally, I found that navigating the dymamics between my DC and balancing their very different needs was a significant element of my overall parenting effort. I do think that the experience of parenting one child is different to having two or more. Not better or worse, but definitely different. They both have their benefits and challenges.

No. I have one very easy, straightforward child. She’s my world.
i do not feel less of a parent. I feel fortunate.
What a weird post @HelloSunshine100 parenting isn’t meant to be an endurance test or some sort of martyrdom.

I love having 3. Not hard at all

I don't think you're any less of a mother because you have one child.

I have 5 children and if I'm honest, I do think that having one is easier. But having 5 was totally my choice and I wouldn't change it and I love having a big family. If you're happy with your choice, I wouldn't worry what anyone else thinks about it. I know that some people think I'm bonkers for having 5 and I'm ok with that!

And regardless of how many children we have, we can collectively look back to a time when we had no children and thought we were tired 😂😂😂

In my experience (I live in a big city) the parents with one child are sort of still living their old life to an extent - more disposable income, more time etc, so a lot of them have continued to go out regularly in the evenings.

We have two but I always got on better at our DC’s primary school with those parents. The ones with three were usually more affluent and competitive and, so yes, exceedingly smug in the main.

The ones with one were usually creative types and just way cooler IMO!

I remember feeling like this when I only had the one.

It was clearly a nonsense way to feel but I still did.

There’s a five year gap between my two.

Wow. No. Absolutely not. I feel more of a mother being able to be so fully there for my child, although this is still very difficult while working full time.

No I have never felt like this. I acknowledge that my life is probably easier as I have less juggling round to do, but that doesn't make me any less of a mum than my friends who have multiple kids.

This is ridiculous. I couldn’t have any more and struggled to have the one I did. Does this make me less of a mum then 😡

When I had my second I did have moments when I thought what the hell have I done. One was hard work but two was double trouble. Least with one, myself and my partner could take it in turns and have a break. Second baby came and my husband entertained the 3 year old while I was glued to the sofa for the first few weeks trying (& failing) to breastfeed. However after a few years I've found 2 easier than one as they play together. We're just back from holiday and the two of them played so well together and we were able to relax. Someone will always have it easier and someone will always have it harder. One child doesn't make you any less of a parent. I do feel privileged though that I got to experience pregnancy (tough as it was), the baby and toddler stage etc twice. It goes so fast and you do forget. There's the financial element too. Not everyone can afford a second (or third etc) child.

I have 5 and yes 1 is easier than 5, even just the admin of having them at 4 different schools is practically a full time job but that doesn't mean that having one is "easy" it's still hard and doesn't make you less of a mother at all.

As for the PP who said "5 look after themselves" they absolutely don't, unless you make the older ones be mini parents.