To feel ‘less’ of a mother when you have one child

[HelloSunshine100]

Lately I don’t know if I am creating this feeling myself or just noticing things but does anyone else feel like others make you feel less of a parent when you only have one child?
Like the school mums with 3 young kids under five rushing from school run to nursery and carting the baby around etc..almost like they are the ones to really be exhausted and tired and if you have one child it’s awkward to claim your struggling and tired cos you only have one?! Almost like feeling less entitled to the role as parent as you don’t have multiple kids ‘you only have one it must be so easy’ these sorts of comments are widely thrown around…

It's definitely going to be easier with one, unless the comparison is a terrible child compared to two wonderful ones. I'd say the only easier thing that I've seen is when one sibling is quite a bit older and takes care of the younger one. I noticed it in the playground, I'm watching my kid constantly, whereas my friend doesn't need to as her oldest is doing that for her. In saying that you're more easygoing once you're on your second too. There are so many variables, but yeah one is easier but who really cares. I'm glad my life is easier, that's kinda the point!

I have 2 kids and tbh I often think those with 1 have it harder, especially once the baby phase is done and they start growing. You have to do a lot more entertaining and give them a lot more attention than when you have multiple kids that can entertain each other 🤷‍♀️

I had two but I am a worse mother to more than one child than I would be to one. The more kids you have the more ways your attention needs to be split. Youngest children always get more of it for the first few years so it’s the older ones who share what remains.

I agree somewhat, but it also depends on the child. Mine doesn't require 'entertaining', well not from me anyway, but I probably got lucky! Also the other side is if you have two that argue alot.

I've never felt like less of a mother because I only have one DC.

Also, it's great - the extra money and relative freedom 😍.

I'm an only. I feel far more mothered by my mother than my husband- one of a bunch- ever did by his, although their case is more complex than just numbers. So from the perspective of a child, I would say she was less of a mother to each child than my mother was to one.

I've just had a second baby and want three. Honestly - yes I feel more of a mother with two kids. I'm more experienced, this is my second rodeo. I have parented different types of children with different needs and personalities.

Parenting is a skill and I do believe you become more skilled at it with more kids and more experience. Not sure I'd describe it as "more of a mother or father" but there's definitely things that parents of one kid won't understand compared to parents of multiple. Just like childfree v parents. But ones not necessarily better - kids are a choice.

If you want more kids, have more

Why are women always competing with each other? Parenting is not a competition. You are one or not. End of.

You feel like more of a mother or that you have more experience? Because I don't really get that at all. Are you more of a sibling if you have lots of siblings? Surely the more people the less you're giving? Maybe you feel like more of a mother but your oldest at least would be thinking your less than now they have less of your time? Just interested in the logic.

Oh yes it is. Where I live, having 3+ children is a status symbol, and it MUST be accompanied by:
side return and loft extension
multiple sporting activities
Holiday in France and Cornwall or Devon
private school is not mandatory
a big car
cycling to work

3 children is becoming sub-par. It’s 4 children now that’s becoming the thing.

Wow that's fascinating! How bizarre. Agree on the big car though 😁

I actually know the feeling you mean OP. Like you can’t really say anything about being rushed or tired or anything because you ‘only’ have one. A close friend has 2 tween stepkids, there 50 percent of the time. She also has a 4 and 2 year old. She’s perpetually knackered and her life is a juggling act even with huge amounts of family help (like one kid stays with a grandparent at least one weekend night and day every week, grandparents do all school and nursery pick ups) I was running late to a play date with my toddler to meet her and I had to sort my mil out with getting to a medical appt (she is an older MIL and needs more support than most of my friends parents who are in the 50s and do daily childcare). I explained this and was so sorry, was only 10 mins late, and she said something like ‘mate try getting 4 of them out the house!’ Just made me feel so small and like my life is so easy. Kids aren’t the only thing that we have to deal with in life there’s parents jobs illnesses etc

I am trying for another now my little one is Almost 3 and she is saying she has baby fever and wants another too! I felt like saying well that’s ok when you have people willing to basically have your kids on a daily basis for you! And then she will be posting on social media saying she doesn’t know how she does it with 5 kids, maybe they’ll be crazy and have just one more! 🙈

haha yes this except you must get them all into competitive state grammars successfully, except maybe the youngest who will be a ‘free spirit ‘ and go to a trendy independent school where they do basket weaving and tree climbing for GCSE

Absolutely not, aspects of one were extremely hard, just because I chose to stop at one does not make me less of a mother, anyone who thinks otherwise isn’t worth my time. If you choose to have more children it doesn’t make you better or more motherly!

No. Not one bit.
It is easier having just one but it doesn’t
make me less of a mother.

But this sounds like you're starting to equate being a parent to your job, where experience of different things is a benefit.

I love expanding my knowledge and skills in my job, but I don't want to have more DC.

Both really. I come from one of three and with one child it felt very very easy and like being a married couple with a kid - not like being a busy mum of a family juggling lots of little personalities and competing needs.

I wouldn't describe it as being more or less of a mother though - more experienced at child rearing, yes. Harder work, yes. More of a mother? No.

I mean kind of? I don't feel like less of a mother but I have one small baby so I understand my experience of motherhood has been less so far. Also objectively less difficult than if I had multiple kids, in theory. But I think someone with one child with SEND, with minimal support has it harder than someone with two children, no SEND, lots of support (just to give an example).

Another example, a family member with no kids asked if I got time to myself, I said not really but it was fine. She then spoke about her friend in the US who's struggling with 2 kids and a husband working 2 jobs and I said ah of course that's more difficult, my baby naps on me so it's not exactly time to myself but I can read a book and have a cup of tea etc.

Still feel like a mum, even if I only had my one baby though. My life definitely revolves around him!

I’m one and done. I always knew that. I also have plenty of help and DH is as involved in parenting as I am. I am tired as he’s a toddler and just won’t sit down😂, but I do have time for hobbies, dinner dates with husband and seeing friends. I’d never start over again.

I don't think Sue Radford is the 'most' mother because she has 22.
If you are a mother you are a mother.

Whether it engenders smugness, pity or disdain, women whose judgement of the worth of other women and/or themselves is predicated on the number of children they have produced are not people whose opinion I would value.

I only had one and he was easy, so people tend to think I can't really relate to parenthood. And now he's a young adult, people forget I raised a whole child at all.

So yes, there is something in it. I don't feel of any less value but I think it can be perceived as easier. Especially now I am "done" in my early 40s while friends are juggling babies and toddlers still.

Well yes it’s definitely harder and more expensive, which is why I only have one. But I’m no less of a parent than someone with multiple kids.
You’re still allowed to feel tired and stressed with one child as much as you are with several. It can depend massively on your support network as well - or lack of it.
Enjoy the freedom that comes with one child( and the extra money)

Their choice. I’m very happy to just have one DC. I knew I didn’t want more than 1 so for me I don’t feel less.

I love being a lesser mother if that's what it is.My ds is brilliant and I had no desire to parent more than one child.I feel quite smug actually.