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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over familiar shop assistant

393 replies

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 05/07/2025 21:29

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 05/07/2025 20:13

It’s ok OP - I get it sometimes at the end of day and I call by Asda for panic food buying I’m ready to explode if they asks me if I have had a nice day - it’s raining I might pee myself and I’m bloody knackered-

Read the room

I reserve the right to be and own my grumpy cowness

As long as you’re ok if the person serving you is grumpy? No?? Didn’t think so. They will also be at the end of their day, it’s raining for their journey home, they will be shopping after work (and answering customers questions about where things are after they’ve clocked out) and I can also guarantee a lot of them won’t have had a toilet break in hours.

I work in a supermarket, and believe me, you can’t do right for doing wrong. All for just over £12 per hour.

Manners cost nothing. Just because you don’t appreciate someone being courteous, it doesn’t mean lots of other customers don’t.

Just be kind…..you too OP.

florizel13 · 05/07/2025 21:30

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 19:58

You sound extremely southern. (Apologies to the friendly southerners!)

I'm a southerner but that made me 😂🤣

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:30

PonyPatter44 · 05/07/2025 21:04

I feel a bit sad for you, tbh. I can't imagine getting so wound up about normal social interaction.

I think the word "murderous" was in there, too, so we're in quite different territory.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:32

Never, ever visit Sheffield.

BallerinaRadio · 05/07/2025 21:32

Another post that reads like a short story submission, what's going on on here lately

NoelFaraday · 05/07/2025 21:32

If Victor Meldrew was a woman …..

aWeeCornishPastie · 05/07/2025 21:32

Is she being friendly though or being a pain in the arse? Maybe the OP is right and she is being very over familiar. If that’s the case I would feel the same sorry!

CallMeBettyBoop · 05/07/2025 21:32

Are you practising your creative writing, OP?

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 05/07/2025 21:33

Sounds like she’s just being nice! Sorry but I’d think the same about someone buying a flake everyday! Also, why don’t you just go somewhere else if it bothers you? Surely a family pack of flakes from the supermarket are cheaper!

godmum56 · 05/07/2025 21:33

I don't mind a bit of mundane chat...I will mundane chat back. I DO mind "what are WE having for lunch"

tempacct · 05/07/2025 21:34

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 20:51

It’s not rude to not want to answer a personal question from a stranger!

You class asking what you’re having for lunch as a personal question?

Cathmawr · 05/07/2025 21:36

This is funny. Don't move up North. I think you should stick to self service checkouts and let's hope the 'thankyou' message on the screen at the end isn't too intrusively cheery

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/07/2025 21:36

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:25

I wouldn’t want to tell a stranger what I was having for lunch 🙈

Must make ordering food hard

wizzywig · 05/07/2025 21:37

Just buy a multipack of flakes and the newspaper app. Sorted

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:37

Cherrysherbet
I agree with you 100%.
I had one (apparently) nice older couple at my till. The wife was lovely, very friendly and chatty. Him, not so much, but no red flags.
The lady was chatting away to me, commented on my accent (I don't have a local accent), she asked where l was originally from, how long l'd lived down here, and did l do the same job back home. All very pleasant.
When l said l'd been in the police for nearly 30 years before l moved to Yorkshire, her husband stopped packing the shopping, eyeballed me, and remarked "And now you're REDUCED to THIS...."
I didn't even dignify it with a response. His poor wife looked mortified.
I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when they got outside.
No doubt he'd have been apoplectic if l'd decided to just claim benefits instead of bothering to get a job for the short while before l retired.
That's the opinion some of them have. That working in a shop is demeaning.
Quite honestly some customers were nastier and more obnoxious than most l encountered in my previous job.

cocoonscriticupgrading · 05/07/2025 21:37

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/07/2025 21:36

Must make ordering food hard

😂

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:37

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 05/07/2025 21:33

Sounds like she’s just being nice! Sorry but I’d think the same about someone buying a flake everyday! Also, why don’t you just go somewhere else if it bothers you? Surely a family pack of flakes from the supermarket are cheaper!

Yeah, I think there's some sort of perverted pleasure in this ritual of negativity and rejection of social discourse, so she intends to keep this going, I would guess.

ConnieHeart · 05/07/2025 21:38

I do know what you mean OP. If a sales person rings up and says "good morning Connie, how are you today?" I just want them to get to the point so I just give a quick "ok". I don't really want to partake in mindless chit chat

Vallmo47 · 05/07/2025 21:38

Mmm I think you are both being unreasonable to be honest, OP. Clearly the staff member isn’t very good at reading the room but it is so rude to ignore someone as well. I don’t mind saying a few words here and there (I work in customer service and obviously am a customer in places as well), but there’s a limit. One time an ASDA employer completely stopped scanning my groceries to see whether the item was suitable for her high cholesterol. She then commented that I shouldn’t buy the smaller pint of milk because it’s cheaper with the larger one. I explained we don’t use a lot in our household and she then went onto to ask why not. When she then started suggesting how important dairy is in both children and adults I said “Look, I get it. I’m unhealthy. But I just want to pay for my groceries and go home if that’s okay by you”.
She then didn’t speak another word to me.

There’s a limit and it’s not okay to cross it.

Endofyear · 05/07/2025 21:38

Blimey, you sound a delight OP! Poor woman is only making chit chat with customers - much nicer than the shop assistants who barely look at you while serving you! If you find it so offensive, why not shop elsewhere?

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/07/2025 21:38

Shopkeeper should start having the Flake and paper (I'm going with The Sun 😉 ) waiting so when OP walks in she can be like
"Oo don't worry, I've got them here waiting. I know what you like."

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:38

wizzywig · 05/07/2025 21:37

Just buy a multipack of flakes and the newspaper app. Sorted

Stop trying to take her misery away with all your logic and sensible suggestions!

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:38

*tempacct *
Medical appointments must be fun....

BallerinaRadio · 05/07/2025 21:39

CallMeBettyBoop · 05/07/2025 21:32

Are you practising your creative writing, OP?

Seems a lot are at the minute, it's become a creative writing forum on here recently

Coconutter24 · 05/07/2025 21:39

Just waiting for another post to appear:

AIBU to stop making friendly chit chat with rude customers

Honestly Op you sound awfully rude, someone is making friendly chat with you and you just ignore them