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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over familiar shop assistant

393 replies

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

OP posts:
RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:39

ConnieHeart · 05/07/2025 21:38

I do know what you mean OP. If a sales person rings up and says "good morning Connie, how are you today?" I just want them to get to the point so I just give a quick "ok". I don't really want to partake in mindless chit chat

😂😂😂😂

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 05/07/2025 21:40

I'm a spectacular introvert. I absolutely loathe having a conversation with people I don't know. And @StinkyCheeseMoose , even I think you're being a bit ridiculous here.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:40

Cathmawr · 05/07/2025 21:36

This is funny. Don't move up North. I think you should stick to self service checkouts and let's hope the 'thankyou' message on the screen at the end isn't too intrusively cheery

She'd probably punch the screen.

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:42

I had a man at my till one day and as l was scanning his shopping, he picked up a pack of fillet steaks and said "Have you had these? They're lovely!"
I replied honestly (and perfectly pleasantly) that no, l hadn't, that l'm vegetarian.
"Oh.... You're making me feel bad now....."
His choice to eat them, mine not to eat them.
I wasn't rude, he asked me a question and l answered.
But l 'made him feel bad.'

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 21:43

Utterlyconfusednow · 05/07/2025 20:52

Everything’s gone to shit. I blame the drought.

I blame the government 🤣

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:44

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 05/07/2025 20:13

It’s ok OP - I get it sometimes at the end of day and I call by Asda for panic food buying I’m ready to explode if they asks me if I have had a nice day - it’s raining I might pee myself and I’m bloody knackered-

Read the room

I reserve the right to be and own my grumpy cowness

This is at lunchtime and it's a ritual purchase, not a panic buy.

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:44

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 05/07/2025 21:36

Must make ordering food hard

I tell my GP I’ve got a dry, itchy vagina, I don’t necessarily want Sharon in Tesco to know 😂

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:44

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 21:43

I blame the government 🤣

I blame people who eat flakes and read the Sun every lunchtime.

Booklover2021 · 05/07/2025 21:44

Notreallyme27 · 05/07/2025 19:58

You sound extremely southern. (Apologies to the friendly southerners!)

Hahahah I'm a southerner and I have inadvertently made friends with my local shop owners through these kinds of interactions the OP hates!

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:46

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:44

I tell my GP I’ve got a dry, itchy vagina, I don’t necessarily want Sharon in Tesco to know 😂

Why not? By the time you get a GP appointment it'll be 10 x worse, and Sharon may know of a home cure.

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:47

I know this is a joke post, but as a foreigner living here, I often feel nonplussed by the inanity of the chit-chat. Give me surly Slavic ladies or even the ultra fake American shop assistants over, "Ooh, let me make the same inane remark I just said to 25 other customers- the triter the better!"

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:49

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:42

I had a man at my till one day and as l was scanning his shopping, he picked up a pack of fillet steaks and said "Have you had these? They're lovely!"
I replied honestly (and perfectly pleasantly) that no, l hadn't, that l'm vegetarian.
"Oh.... You're making me feel bad now....."
His choice to eat them, mine not to eat them.
I wasn't rude, he asked me a question and l answered.
But l 'made him feel bad.'

At least he didn't say "I have a different kind of meat you will just love though" and tip you the wink.

selkieselkie · 05/07/2025 21:49

Drowninginconfusion · 05/07/2025 21:44

I tell my GP I’ve got a dry, itchy vagina, I don’t necessarily want Sharon in Tesco to know 😂

Pretty sure Sharon doesn't want to know either. Especially as she only asked about your lunch.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:51

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:47

I know this is a joke post, but as a foreigner living here, I often feel nonplussed by the inanity of the chit-chat. Give me surly Slavic ladies or even the ultra fake American shop assistants over, "Ooh, let me make the same inane remark I just said to 25 other customers- the triter the better!"

No, the technique is just to chat back in the same way, a 2 minute pleasant exchange,. eg "Morning Janice, I'm going to be honest with you, I've been trying to earn a few extra quid by making crystal meth, but it's really not taken off at the moment, so I'm just off to the local secondary school to tout for customers. Cheers"

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:52

selkieselkie · 05/07/2025 21:49

Pretty sure Sharon doesn't want to know either. Especially as she only asked about your lunch.

😂😂😂

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:54

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:42

I had a man at my till one day and as l was scanning his shopping, he picked up a pack of fillet steaks and said "Have you had these? They're lovely!"
I replied honestly (and perfectly pleasantly) that no, l hadn't, that l'm vegetarian.
"Oh.... You're making me feel bad now....."
His choice to eat them, mine not to eat them.
I wasn't rude, he asked me a question and l answered.
But l 'made him feel bad.'

You could get a stamp made with "Meat is Murder" on it, and stamp customers' hands when they buy meat. That should get the conversation going.
.

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:55

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:51

No, the technique is just to chat back in the same way, a 2 minute pleasant exchange,. eg "Morning Janice, I'm going to be honest with you, I've been trying to earn a few extra quid by making crystal meth, but it's really not taken off at the moment, so I'm just off to the local secondary school to tout for customers. Cheers"

Taking notes.😁

"Yes, it IS lovely weather for it... if by "it" you mean sewing English Civil War costumes for my large collection of hamsters."

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:55

*PreciousMomentsHun *
Oh no, thank god!
I did have one man wink at me and say "Next time l'm in, put your number on my receipt!"
I'm in my sixties and l wear a wedding ring! I used to dread him coming to my till after that.

alexalisten · 05/07/2025 21:56

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:47

I know this is a joke post, but as a foreigner living here, I often feel nonplussed by the inanity of the chit-chat. Give me surly Slavic ladies or even the ultra fake American shop assistants over, "Ooh, let me make the same inane remark I just said to 25 other customers- the triter the better!"

But thats the job

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 21:57

PreciousMomentsHun · 05/07/2025 21:55

Taking notes.😁

"Yes, it IS lovely weather for it... if by "it" you mean sewing English Civil War costumes for my large collection of hamsters."

Love it 😄

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:57

*RominaDina *
Unfortunately l won't have the opportunity as l'm retired now.
I'll bear that in mind for my next incarnation, though.

Skippydoodle · 05/07/2025 21:58

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

Quite honestly you sound like a right wierdo.

kierenthecommunity · 05/07/2025 21:59

I definitely agree with the posters suggesting you but multi packs of Flakes. I’d recommend One Below (or is it One Beyond now?) I’ve never seen anyone working there crack their face once 😂

emmetgirl · 05/07/2025 21:59

You sound fun.

RominaDina · 05/07/2025 22:00

katseyes7 · 05/07/2025 21:57

*RominaDina *
Unfortunately l won't have the opportunity as l'm retired now.
I'll bear that in mind for my next incarnation, though.

Or even if you go back to do a few hours to cover for absent staff. Worth it.