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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over familiar shop assistant

393 replies

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

OP posts:
PrestonHood121 · 05/07/2025 20:06

she doesn't actually care what you are having for lunch ffs.

napody · 05/07/2025 20:07

You literally just blank her every time?! Yes, you are ridiculous. If I were her I'd be stepping it up.

Although less funny if you think she's beneath you as a shop assistant, and that's why you don't deign to reply. I'm hoping for the hilarious and meaningless rudeness interpretation.

HolyStyleFailBatman · 05/07/2025 20:07

I’m a very friendly person and this kind of patronising chit chat would drive me up the wall. Yanbu OP.

BrightLightTonight · 05/07/2025 20:08

I’m with the shop assistant on this. The ruder the customer, rhe more I would persist in inane comments.

You need to lighten up,

MrsO3 · 05/07/2025 20:09

You’re a massive grump! She’s either very friendly (as she should be in a customer facing role) or she’s noticed how miserable you are and is now going over the top and killing you with kindness just to get on your nerves…(which is exactly what I would do in her shoes!) 😂

Utterlyconfusednow · 05/07/2025 20:10

BrightLightTonight · 05/07/2025 20:08

I’m with the shop assistant on this. The ruder the customer, rhe more I would persist in inane comments.

You need to lighten up,

Pass agg then?

TY78910 · 05/07/2025 20:11

Christ. She’s making small talk. She’s being nice. Nothing rude about any of the comments. Flakes are skinny so you can’t even twist it and make it a problem.

If you’re so annoyed about it, buy a multipack of flakes and keep in the office and get your newspaper on your way to work closer to home. Or go to self service. Those tills were made for you.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/07/2025 20:12

I think I was imagining something wildly different from the ‘over familiar’ descriptor.

  • Oooo…has that rash cleared up?
  • I was going over the pay stub you dropped last week… you really should check your deductions
  • I walked past your house a couple of days ago, no time to weed lately?
  • Aww…such a shame your waxing appt got cancelled, we have razor’s on sale.
Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 05/07/2025 20:13

It’s ok OP - I get it sometimes at the end of day and I call by Asda for panic food buying I’m ready to explode if they asks me if I have had a nice day - it’s raining I might pee myself and I’m bloody knackered-

Read the room

I reserve the right to be and own my grumpy cowness

napody · 05/07/2025 20:13

Utterlyconfusednow · 05/07/2025 20:10

Pass agg then?

Yup. Her options at work are:

  1. Just take the rudeness and contempt- why should she?
  2. Agg agg- which would get her fired.
  3. Pass agg- definitely the best and most enjoyable of the three!
Utterlyconfusednow · 05/07/2025 20:16

napody · 05/07/2025 20:13

Yup. Her options at work are:

  1. Just take the rudeness and contempt- why should she?
  2. Agg agg- which would get her fired.
  3. Pass agg- definitely the best and most enjoyable of the three!

👍🏻

toomuchfaff · 05/07/2025 20:18

You are a horrible person. You rudely ignore friendly comments every day, dont even say hello, if you don't like the intrusive questions go to another shop. That server probably makes the day of some of her customers , and your here making a MN post because she interrupts your grumpiness.

Caerulea · 05/07/2025 20:18

napody · 05/07/2025 20:13

Yup. Her options at work are:

  1. Just take the rudeness and contempt- why should she?
  2. Agg agg- which would get her fired.
  3. Pass agg- definitely the best and most enjoyable of the three!

I'm fully for option 3! I've got regular customers, of years, who started out short & gruff (think farmers) & I ground those motherfuckers down! Now I know all about their kids, jobs, health conditions - you name it.

Rudeness I've no patience for, but sullen is just a challenge

81Claire81 · 05/07/2025 20:18

What part of London are you from?

SnoopyPajamas · 05/07/2025 20:19

This sounds like harmless chit chat. Think you're a bit of a grump, sorry, OP!

I am desperately trying to picture what a human Flake bar would look like though. Would your skin be sort of flaking off, like a full-body attack of dandruff? Or would you be wobbling about, enveloped waist-high in ice cream?

ninjahamster · 05/07/2025 20:24

Wow, I think you’re really rude!

Zov · 05/07/2025 20:26

HolyStyleFailBatman · 05/07/2025 20:07

I’m a very friendly person and this kind of patronising chit chat would drive me up the wall. Yanbu OP.

This. I am baffled at the harsh responses, and feel the same as you @StinkyCheeseMoose about intrusive questions from shop assistants. It's not like now and again but every time with some shop assistants. I am never rude or ignorant with them though, and I just smile and nod.

'Aren't you cold' boils my fucking piss though ... Sometimes I have jeans and a t-shirt on in November, (no coat or cardigan or sweater,) but it's 18C outside. No, I am NOT cold. It's fucking 18 degrees C. Just because it's November, that doesn't mean it's cold. EVERY SINGLE YEAR, I get asked at LEAST 10 times by some well meaning but nosey intrusive woman (always a woman) if I am COLD, because I don't have 15 layers on!!!

It's a mixture of women older than me who can't comprehend not having 15 layers of clothing on just because it's November, and women younger than me who see an 'older woman' and think I should be wrapped up better. Hmm (I'm mid to late 50s!)

Also hate people commenting on what I'm eating. Just feck off and mind your beeswax, it makes me feel awkward and embarrassed. So rude!

And don't comment on what I'm buying! We live out in the sticks and sometimes I stockpile certain things, and buy quite a few at the checkout, and I HATE it when the shop assistant comments on me buying quite a few of said item. Just serve me and mind yer own!

Meh, call me a miserable git. I don't care! 😂

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/07/2025 20:28

You sound miserable. I hope you atleast manage to say hello please and thank you

LeaveALittleNote · 05/07/2025 20:29

Next time she comments on your flake, don't say a word, open the packet, look her in the eye and stuff it in your mouth and chomp it as quickly and loudly as you can, holding her eye contact the entire time. Leave the empty packet on the counter and storm out.

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 05/07/2025 20:30

OP you are being unreasonable, sorry. This person is trying to give "customer service" albeit a little clumsily.
I think people are generally losing the art of friendly human interactions these days.
The young fella in my local Co-op is a bit of an exception. Always a smile and a "how you doing, alright?" Kindness costs nothing.
It's nice to be nice.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 05/07/2025 20:32

she is a patronising unpleasant person. i would either let her know or shop elsewhere.

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 05/07/2025 20:32

LeaveALittleNote · 05/07/2025 20:29

Next time she comments on your flake, don't say a word, open the packet, look her in the eye and stuff it in your mouth and chomp it as quickly and loudly as you can, holding her eye contact the entire time. Leave the empty packet on the counter and storm out.

That said, this made me nearly spit my wine out.😂

raspberryberet7 · 05/07/2025 20:34

JustTalkToThem · 05/07/2025 19:44

You sound fun.

This. Get a grip. How are people offended by friendliness???

Kimwestonhelpless · 05/07/2025 20:37

She'll be thinking oh here comes nippy sweetie.

ilovesooty · 05/07/2025 20:37

Just shop somewhere else if a bit of chit chat bothers you so much.