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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over familiar shop assistant

393 replies

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 07/07/2025 11:50

She sounds like she's genuinely friendly and likes talking to people. You on the other hand sound sour and mean.

What's wrong with polite chit chat? If you don't want to talk just smile and nod.

The fact this is something that infuriated you so severely is quite strange. Is there something else going on that's stressing you out maybe?

Her behaviour in itself really shouldn't warrant such a reaction.

neilyoungismyhero · 07/07/2025 11:59

Shop assistants can't win. I'm usually smiley and say hi then do my job but the other day for some reason I just scanned the item and said nothing apart from relaying the price and please. It was a 50p second hand book. The chap picked it up and thanked me for delivering a wonderful and pleasant shopping experience then stormed out.

Zov · 07/07/2025 12:03

CountryGirlInTheCity · 07/07/2025 11:45

About 30 years ago I bought a pregnancy test from a large supermarket. When I went through the checkout, the assistant said ‘Oh a pregnancy test…do you hope you’re pregnant or that you’re not?’ All said with an excited smile. At the time I was 25, married and would have been fine with being pregnant albeit we weren’t trying so I sort of mumbled ‘Yes it’s fine if I am….’ I was pretty mortified at the attention being brought to my situation to the queue of people behind me but I wasn’t cross with her. I could see that in her own clumsy way she was trying to be friendly and to connect with her customers. That’s far better in my eyes than being detached and stand-offish! Particularly in a small local shop.

I now live in a large city where there is precious little connection between people. Shop assistants and customers alike are just in their own world, people on public transport don’t look at each other and no one smiles or says hello when walking past each other in the street. I miss the small interactions. I appreciate it when folk make the effort to engage, even when it’s a bit inane or superficial. Human beings are innately social and looking for connection and community, many people are very lonely. Of course we’re not all made the same and for some people small talk is excruciating but it does feel quite harsh to be so offended by her harmless chat…

That's actually horrific. Commenting on someone buying a pregnancy test! Shock

She should have had a warning for that. You should have complained.

Not as bad as this, but reminded me of it for some reason.. I took a camera film to be developed at a local pharmacy (circa 2001 before we had a digital camera.)

I went to pick the photos up a few days later, and one of the 6 women who worked in the pharmacy (who went to the same school as me but was 2 years younger, and who I just knew to say 'hello' to,) said 'oooh, there's some nice photos in there. You cat is very cute. Some lovely ones of your 2 kids with your mom and dad too.' Smile

Cheeky fucking cow had opened my photos and looked through them! She even left her fucking fingerprints on some of them!

I was livid. I didn't complain, but I never took my camera films there again!

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 12:21

StinkyCheeseMoose · 05/07/2025 19:43

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

Sorry now OP but don’t be so cranky 😂
Lot worse when a shop assistant has zero manners , doesn’t say , good afternoon, thankyou or goodbye surely !
Lighten up & smile 😊

RominaDina · 07/07/2025 12:29

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 12:21

Sorry now OP but don’t be so cranky 😂
Lot worse when a shop assistant has zero manners , doesn’t say , good afternoon, thankyou or goodbye surely !
Lighten up & smile 😊

😂😂

levampire · 07/07/2025 12:32

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 12:21

Sorry now OP but don’t be so cranky 😂
Lot worse when a shop assistant has zero manners , doesn’t say , good afternoon, thankyou or goodbye surely !
Lighten up & smile 😊

It isn't manners to comment negatively on what a customer is eating, and it isn't manners to speak to older people as if they are in kindergarten.

Telling people to smile is also not manners.

RominaDina · 07/07/2025 12:33

@CountryGirlInTheCity - that's very intrusive about the pregnancy test, ye gods, but you dealt with it well! I remember buying sunscreen from a pharmacy a few years ago, and the assistant asking why I needed it because of my ethnicity! I said "our skin burns, too" so I suppose she had learned something that day! 😊

Farageisacupidstunt · 07/07/2025 12:33

How tiresome. It's just another of those Am I wrong? Yes, you are. No, I'm not. threads again.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/07/2025 12:50

Zov · 07/07/2025 11:20

Can't fathom why what other people do (that has no affect on you) has such a profound affect on you and worries you so much, but you do you.

This sums up 90% of AIBU 🤣

Cherrysoup · 07/07/2025 12:52

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 05/07/2025 20:13

It’s ok OP - I get it sometimes at the end of day and I call by Asda for panic food buying I’m ready to explode if they asks me if I have had a nice day - it’s raining I might pee myself and I’m bloody knackered-

Read the room

I reserve the right to be and own my grumpy cowness

I'm with you. I hate the people serving who chat and stop scanning, particularly when there's a queue tailing halfway back the aisle. One bloke decided he would ask customers quiz questions eg what town has a d and an l in the middle. I neither know nor care. There's a massive queue, how about you just serve me and let me crack on with the million other things I have to do today? (Asda) Maybe I'm a grumpy cow, don't really care. I expect customer service has told them to be chatty/friendly, but there's a limit!

Kattitude121 · 07/07/2025 12:57

Well aren’t you a pleasant happy person! She was being polite and friendly, part of the job description, you come across as very rude and ignorant, I’m sure just acknowledging her, you don’t even have to crack a smile, won’t break any of your privacy regulations.

RominaDina · 07/07/2025 13:03

....plus most of the responses on here, and of most posters on here, some more vitriolic than others! 😂😂😂
That's AIBU for you!

Zov · 07/07/2025 14:06

levampire · 07/07/2025 12:32

It isn't manners to comment negatively on what a customer is eating, and it isn't manners to speak to older people as if they are in kindergarten.

Telling people to smile is also not manners.

Agree!

@Missj25 'lighten up and smile!' Really.......?! 🤮

Zov · 07/07/2025 14:07

RominaDina · 07/07/2025 12:33

@CountryGirlInTheCity - that's very intrusive about the pregnancy test, ye gods, but you dealt with it well! I remember buying sunscreen from a pharmacy a few years ago, and the assistant asking why I needed it because of my ethnicity! I said "our skin burns, too" so I suppose she had learned something that day! 😊

Actual wow! Shock

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 14:17

Zov · 07/07/2025 14:06

Agree!

@Missj25 'lighten up and smile!' Really.......?! 🤮

I’ll rephrase it differently, shall I ??
Stop being so stroppy, & when a shop assistant is really ( and you know it ) just trying to be friendly , be friendly back , it costs nothing , besides being rude, & completely ignoring her when she addresses you ! And that’s not 🤮 at all …

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/07/2025 14:18

levampire · 07/07/2025 12:32

It isn't manners to comment negatively on what a customer is eating, and it isn't manners to speak to older people as if they are in kindergarten.

Telling people to smile is also not manners.

She didn't comment negatively 🤣

levampire · 07/07/2025 14:32

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/07/2025 14:18

She didn't comment negatively 🤣

Hohoho hahaha heeheehee. Yes, she did.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said: "Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 07/07/2025 14:37

levampire · 07/07/2025 14:32

Hohoho hahaha heeheehee. Yes, she did.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said: "Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

That's not negative...

She didn't say "oo you fat cow. Eating chocolate every day"

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 14:42

levampire · 07/07/2025 14:32

Hohoho hahaha heeheehee. Yes, she did.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said: "Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Flakes are actually long & slender 😜 !!!! so I vote not a negative comment 😂 😂

Flashahah · 07/07/2025 14:43

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 14:42

Flakes are actually long & slender 😜 !!!! so I vote not a negative comment 😂 😂

But they’re flakey, is that a negative?

Verv · 07/07/2025 14:44

You sound up your own arse tbh OP.

I'm not a chatter either, and the man at the local petrol station usually greets me with "NO MILK DUDS TODAY YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE NIKNAKS"

I am more affronted that he's run out of milk duds than i am that a mere servant has chosen to address me without invite.

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 14:47

Flashahah · 07/07/2025 14:43

But they’re flakey, is that a negative?

I’m flakey 🤷🏻‍♀️, but I like people , & people seem to like me , so I don’t know think negative , no ..😊

levampire · 07/07/2025 14:47

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 14:42

Flakes are actually long & slender 😜 !!!! so I vote not a negative comment 😂 😂

They are fattening, and to comment on someone's food choice is considered negative and overstepping, regardless.

As is telling a stranger to smile.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/07/2025 14:48

Seriously. Some people are easily annoyed.

Missj25 · 07/07/2025 14:55

levampire · 07/07/2025 14:47

They are fattening, and to comment on someone's food choice is considered negative and overstepping, regardless.

As is telling a stranger to smile.

Oh levampire , you made me laugh with your post 😂 😂
Very befitting username I must say 👌..