Over familiar shop assistant

[StinkyCheeseMoose]

I had a bad attack of internal rage today.

Apart from a bit of snippiness - which the subject of my rage quite possibly didn't notice - I managed to keep it to myself.

I work in an office close to the high street of a small town. Every lunchtime I walk into town to buy my lunch and take it back to the office.

On my way back, I go into the newsagent to buy a newspaper and a flake.

The shop assistant is murderous-thought inducingly annoying. She is the kind of person who speaks to her elderly customers in a higher than usual sing-sing voice and seems to think that a bit of patronising chit-chat should be part of the service.

My annoyance started to accelerate a few weeks ago. I had bought a sausage roll from Greggs before I went into the newsagent.

"Oooo! That smells nice, what are we having for lunch today?" She asked.

I decided to ignore her question and paid for my paper and flake.

A few days ago, the weather was colder than had been forecast (unfortunately, the heatwave everyone else seems to be getting has passed us by). It was cold and windy and I wasn't wearing a jacket or cardigan.

"Oooo! Aren't you cold dressed like that?" She asked.

I ignored her question and paid for my paper and flake.

Yesterday, I put my paper and flake on the counter and waited to pay. As she picked up my flake, she said:

"Oooo! You really love these, don't you? You'll look like one soon if you aren't careful"

Am I unreasonable to expect a shop assistant to respect my privacy, not to quiz me on what I am having for lunch, comment on what I am wearing or what I am buying?

I don't mind a quick "It's a lovely day today" type of interaction, but all I actually want from her is quick and efficient service.

Not RTFT so apologies if it’s already been asked, but have you every got so annoyed with her that you’ve snapped and farted?

🫶

I don't like the patronising, raised pitch, singsong voice she puts on when she speaks to elderly customers. However lonely they might be (and it's pretty patronising to assume they are lonely without evidence), they deserve respect.

Anyone who puts on a special voice to patronise old people is a knob. I am surprised 84% think you are being unreasonable. One day everyone here will be "old people". See how you like it then.

Ageism is pretty rife on this site, and it is the stupidest type of bigotry since if we're lucky every one of us will experience it. And yes I think most of them are completely ignoring the condescendion "What are WE having?" I'd have said I don't know what you're having love, I'm having the lunch I just bought".

Not to mention it has taken weeks for the OP to get really irritated by being talked down to by a nosey parker. Probably wouldn't bother me much, but she's nowhere near as unreasonable as many are pretending to believe.

But that's mumsnet for you, ignore the facts and go with trying to sound cool and clever (and generally failing to do so) instead.

OP, I completely understand your inner rage! If she’d asked me what “we” are having for lunch, I might have said, “well I’ve no idea what you’re having, and as for what I’m having, I haven’t decided yet.” As for telling you that you’ll look like a flake - so rude. And I understand that you just want to pick up your flake and paper and leave. I’d have thought she might have got the hint by now, that you’re not someone who wants to linger and chat.

I don’t agree when you say “I should be able to use the shop conveniently situated close to my place of work without being quizzed about my personal choices by a complete stranger.”
i could answer “I should be able to expect friendliness from my local shop.”
people like you create a horrible society, op

Friendliness is 'Have a good day!"

It is not making impertinent observations or enquiries, or speaking in a special and diminishing voice to older customers.

I’ve come to the conclusion that they must be a bit dim to be honest, they must not be able to see the nuances in a situation so to speak.

Is the shop assistant actually Caroline Aherne’s checkout operator reincarnated? 😅

Sorry but you sound like a total grump. I hope her other customers appreciate her

Get over yourself! It’s not all about you, you sound very self absorbed.
It costs nothing to be pleasant! For all you know she may be ND or hard of hearing herself. .

Too many people ready to take the slightest offence these days.

I would also find this extremely annoying OP. The "you'll look like one soon" is very rude.

She's clearly not trying to be awful. You don't know her circumstances, she's chipper or on a high in life for some reason. I think it's lovely but I find it too much.

I'd buy a pack of flakes from a supermarket and get the news digitally. I'd change my routine to get the peace I wanted on lunch.

Got to love that she's impertinently quizzing OP over her super private lunch and not wearing a coat...

You'd think from some of the language she was picking up the Vagisol and loudly asking "oh its still ichy down there is it? Must be 2 months now from what you've being buying....."

😂😂😂

It's a bit worrying how vexatious some people find a few minutes of social interaction.

I think you’re being rude OP. I can’t believe you can ignore her, when she’s only being pleasant. Do you have anyone you are pleasant too? Imagine they flat out ignored you when you spoke to them? She could have depression & be fighting the fight by being positive, she also could think you look like you need cheering up when you come into the shop chewing wasps!

Yeah this. And don't even get me started on 'Alice is 86 years YOUNG!' 🤮

Sickeningly patronising!

If anyone ever says any shit like this to me when I am 'elderly' I will go for the jugular!

Do you normally find things that other people do, that don't remotely affect you 'worrying?'

Yes, I do. I read things that people share on here for advice, reflect on it, and comment accordingly.
As do you.

Christ, you’re a ray of sunshine aren’t you?

Can't fathom why what other people do (that has no affect on you) has such a profound affect on you and worries you so much, but you do you.

I can't understand why my comment, which has no impact on you, bothers you so much. But you do you.

😂

About 30 years ago I bought a pregnancy test from a large supermarket. When I went through the checkout, the assistant said ‘Oh a pregnancy test…do you hope you’re pregnant or that you’re not?’ All said with an excited smile. At the time I was 25, married and would have been fine with being pregnant albeit we weren’t trying so I sort of mumbled ‘Yes it’s fine if I am….’ I was pretty mortified at the attention being brought to my situation to the queue of people behind me but I wasn’t cross with her. I could see that in her own clumsy way she was trying to be friendly and to connect with her customers. That’s far better in my eyes than being detached and stand-offish! Particularly in a small local shop.

I now live in a large city where there is precious little connection between people. Shop assistants and customers alike are just in their own world, people on public transport don’t look at each other and no one smiles or says hello when walking past each other in the street. I miss the small interactions. I appreciate it when folk make the effort to engage, even when it’s a bit inane or superficial. Human beings are innately social and looking for connection and community, many people are very lonely. Of course we’re not all made the same and for some people small talk is excruciating but it does feel quite harsh to be so offended by her harmless chat…