Friend being unkind about my daughter

[Nessa1777]

My childhood friend of 40 years has been hostile towards my 25 year old daughter. Background is that this friend has not been a reliable friend and missed out on a critical 10 years of my life (birth of kids, my wedding, my fathers death) she sees me as her “bestie” and makes it known she knows me more than anyone and has known me longer than anyone. She can go weeks without being in touch and would drop me if she met a new man. She’s now happily married. I lived down south until two years ago where my husband and I moved north to where she lives to be near my mother. My son who is 27 stayed in the south and my daughter aged 25 was meant to be living away but she ended up moving up with us.
Two years ago I had a barbecue where my friend came, she was messing with the meat and complaining there was not much meat on the bones. My daughter made a joke “well if that’s how you feel you can fuck offer home after that hotdog” laughing. This was witnessed by 4 others including me and I knew it was a joke and thought nothing more of it.
After a few days she telephoned me to ask how I thought the night had gone?
She then told me she had cried all weekend due to the comment my daughter made and how she would never speak to her mothers friend like that. I said numerous times that it would be a joke and my daughter would never be cruel and unkind, I asked my daughter about it and she confirmed it was banter. All the other witnesses saw it as banter.
Fast forward two years and she’s still bringing it up “well the last time I saw her she told me to fuck off”
She explained she was annoyed with my daughter because I am her “bestie” and she couldn’t understand why my daughter was living with us because we apparently wanted a new chapter and new life and she wanted to protect me! She went as far as to say “what’s she even doing here?? “
I am conflicted in loyalty to my daughter and my friendship. I’m concerned that 2 years on she’s still thinking about a comment made by a 23 year old.
Just some extra context, she has no other friends that I have seen, her wedding reception was very absent of friends. They appear to have come and gone in her life. She keeps saying how she knows me longest and better than anyone else

If it was a daughter telling her mother to fuck off some of these responses would be SO different. And if it was a man? He'd probably be labelled abusive.

Friend sounds really immature and possessive though.

"If it was a daughter telling her mother to fuck off some of these responses would be SO different".

Well the scenario would be SO different. Whether it were a DD or a DS. Maybe rewrite the scenario you are imagining and find out whether your comment holds any water.

@joliefolle can you explain how it's different?

Write out the scenario, then we'll see.

That's a huge, non-sequential, leap between uttering the word fu** and actual violence considering there is zero supporting circumstances for violence in the story itself and the f-word entered common usage long ago whether we like it or not.

More significantly, no one, especially me, is expounding anyone to support 1) violent behavior or 2) use the f-word, but pearl clutching and fainting are also not supported. Your response begs the question, wtf? (Joke intended, attempt at levity.) But there are thoughts which you have not articulated to explain why you think the use of the f-word by her daughter would lead to violence.

Did you know that young adults in their 20s have begun using the f-word to mean pleasant, non-sexual, social discourse between two parties who fancy each other and it has reached global television? Love Island. I think it is replacing "like." And I am definitely unsure about my comprehension of what meaning they are actually conveying to each other when they say it because it does not come across as sexual at all.