To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

Crossed wires. I assumed the post was referencing the people I grew up with. They live in another country. I'm talking about people who live locally (the giveaway is when I say local friends in my OP). I do not expect my friends to travel internationally although many of them did a few years back for a bigger event I was involved in (not choir related).

Have you specifically invited them?

some people take the initiative and go to things to show support for their friend even if it’s not really their thing - you.

for others it just doesn’t occur them to do it. They assume you go to their things off your own bank because your interested it / enjoy it. Of they tho k if you haven’t invited them then you don’t want them there.

invite them to come and see how it goes.

You sound like a genuinely lovely person, OP. I am now feeling bad about my refusal to go to listen to my friend's choir with the flat sopranos

Honestly though this thread has been very enlightening as I had NO IDEA how much choir hatred there was in this country!

One is a personal invitation to a private party.

One is an advert for a paid public event.

I actually would prefer to see a performance if a friend wasn't in it, because I just can't watch friends objectively, I get incredibly stressed and embarrassed for them even if they are good, it's as if it's me up there on the stage.

If my dp was in a choir, I’d support them.

I’m not a choir person either, so I wouldn’t go to a choir recital either.

To me that's part of the attraction - although maybe I'm not quite as stressed! I love seeing friends in their element, it shows a new side to them. I'll never forget seeing a friend play violin in a band. The band was awful but he was fantastic and the look on his face has stayed with me.

I was prematurely ancient then. I went to hear the St Matthew Passion at the Albert Hall when I was in my late teens/early 20s. It blew me away, and it wasn't anything to do with the religious side of it - I'm an atheist!

I’m sure your friends have plenty of hobbies you couldn’t be bothered to watch either. Just because it’s a “performance” doesn’t make it interesting to other people.

This is the problem with amateur choirs, am dram, community theatre, community talent shows etc. They’re often just not that great and it shouldn’t be a prerequisite of friendship that your friends have to sit through this torture because you personally enjoy it.

I think it's a shame they've never gone once, but I wonder if with your DH going every time they're worried if they go once you'll expect them there every time?

That killed a friendship of mine when she expected my attendance at her plays every single time. Regardless of my other plans or my family having plans.

YABU. 'An amateur choir but pretty good' tells me all I need to know.

Would your friends pay to go and see a world class choir? If not, it’s probably because they don’t really like choirs. You love your choir, but asking people to sit through 2 hours of ABBA songs in the style of The Sound of Music is a big ask. I have friends in choirs, ukulele bands, shamanic drumming ensembles and pub fiddle-Dee-Dee groups. I could spend my whole life sitting through music I don’t enjoy. Your choir is for you, it’s your hobby, not your friend’s.

I can see how they might worry about that. I would never expect it. I'll always have DH's lovely face to look at!

What if they came to see you perform and thought you and the soprano next to you were flat?

I don't know what you're asking here, sorry.

I could, Snooker, Darts, Wimbledon

But that’s not an amateur choir.

Are you very young OP because I can't imagine expecting anyone I know to spend hours coming to watch me perform at something that they won't enjoy. By the time most people are adults they have so little free time they're just not going to mess about ruining a rare bit of time off watching something that's boring. And where they're not actually spending quality time with the friend.

Two hours watching the performance plus time getting there and getting ready and organizing and paying childcare. And then my whole day is stopped because I'm doing that in the evening. No way.

When I was a teen early twenty something. Maybe.

I enjoy singing in a choir but have little interest in watching one. I have never been to one of my Mums concerts or my brothers, admittedly they live far away but i would not make the effort to travel down there just to watch the choir sing. At school my parents only came if i had solo, they were very disappointed that they hadn't been there when my music teacher sprung a solo on me 5 mins before the start of the concert. I think you are expecting a bit much from your friends, we'd all like to think our friends would come along and support us but they probably have busy lives and it may just not be their scene.

Many choirs will only do a big full on concert infrequently.

it’s much more common to do shorter sets at (for example) school fetes, church fetes, village or town carnivals or events.

i’m on two choirs and one of them never does a big concert, in our summer season this year we’ve done our standard 20 min set at a local care home (attendance optional before anyone accuses us of torturing the residents), the social afternoon for seniors run by age concern, the wellbeing event (as part of a singalong event to encourage people to take up hobbies available within the village) and the church fetes.

most people are a lot happier to come to eg a church fetes and listen to 20 mins than a full on concert.

my other choir does do a full on concert but only once a year and the other events are similar to above.

all events for both are always free. One choir is funded by community funding (has a lot of disabled and elderly people in it and is funded under social engagement for elderly people) the other is pay to join tenner a month.

Think of all the time wasted. People standing around watching triathlons so that someone will watch their hobby.

My adult daughter sings in a choir.

We went to watch her in a charity concert last Christmas.

Her choir was... fine. They sang Motown Christmas songs, were quite well-rehearsed, we knew some of the friends she sings with... Whatever. It's for charity

But her choir weren't the only act on the bill. it was when I was sitting watching a man in his 50's singing a solo version of Hushabye Mountain from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang that I realised that what I was sitting through was a junior school Christmas concert, but for adults, where the only joy is in seeing your kid dressed up as an angel.

Friends don't oblige other friends to live through such torture.

Definitely not young! All our kids are older and don't need childcare and our lives are busy but not crazy - one Saturday evening in four years isn't going to be impossible.

You're being to sensitive. I cant think of anything more boring than a choir.

Why not gift them a ticket? That might encourage them to attend more …..or not, as the case maybe.