To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

I know just how you feel. I'm a very keen amateur actor and I've been doing this for over 40 years. My big sister has been to see me twice in all that time, my stepchildren once and my daughter a handful of times. Most of my friends aren't interested. Hurts doesn't it when you've rehearsed for months and are proud of what you do ?

Oh god I have friends who always ask me to go and watch them in their dance show… it’s so uncomfortably embarrassing when they do. I don’t mind going to watch them if it’s a special one off thing…. But it’s like all the time. I’d never ask my friends to come and watch me do something that I do regularly.

Im not into choirs, id try and come once though.

That said people are busy and may see this more as your hobby than as a performance. If its important to you id ask them to come sometime, they may have not realised it would be appreciated.

Obviously if you tell them its important to you and they dont bother thats a bit shitty

YABU. I sing in a choir too. My friends and family always know when we're singing in concerts but few rarely come. It's frustrating but it's not everyone's bag, unless it's something like a Christmas concert where they know what to expect. It's quite a specific type of music, and tickets for concerts are expensive!

I think you should invite them directly to a concert instead of just assuming/expecting that they’d attend your choir performances, even if they supposedly “know” when and where they are.

You're projecting your mores and social morals onto your friends, and that’s a bit unfair.

I know you said you’ve attended friends’ art shows and plays and so on - but have you attended any of the events/etc. of these SPECIFIC friends you’re hurt about, the local ones who would, in concept, be the ones attending your choir performances? Have you gone to their birthdays, etc.?

As we would have said when I was a kid, you’re being a bit butthurt about this. It’s understandable - but other people aren’t you, even if they’re lifelong friends, and expecting them to socially act exactly as you do is unfair.

I personally would never just go to a friend’s event/concert/performance unless I’d been at least superficially invited.

Invite a few of your friends to your next choir performance, express how much it would mean to you to have them attend if they can, and go from there.

I would ask you about your interests but I would have no interest in watching a choir. Sorry. Likewise I wouldn’t expect my friends to watch me doing my hobbies.

I have a couple of friends who are in choirs and would love to go and see them but unfortunately this is way down my list after trying to arrange time off work to see my own DC's activities at school, weekends, evenings etc.

Please don't take it personally, it's just an event not everyone can manage to go to unless maybe retired and a personal interest.

I used to martial arts competitions but didn't dream of inviting anyone along, just me and family once for a big event. Xxx

I think we would all agree with that in principle, but lives are busy and most rarely get to do all the things they feel they want to do, let alone the things they feel obligated to do … It’s not a deliberate snub,

I'd attend and have done so even if i didn't like the activity. if i like the friend I'd go at least once.

I'm sorry OP, but I'm not with you at all.

I play piano and go to regular piano events. My DP does sometimes come, but I certainly wouldn't expect my friends to. I do it for me; these events give me a focus and a reason to practice, all of which gives me great pleasure, but to someone not involved they are likely to be rather boring

DH is in a choir. He has a beautiful voice and I encouraged him to join. But I dread his concerts. Three times a year. They are so dull. The music is rarely to my taste. The programme is always about twenty minutes too long. The quality of the singing is amateur. The interval goes on forever to give them all a chance to get a drink and go to the loo. They serve very mean half-filled glasses of sour white wine or lukewarm elderflower cordial and charge too much for it. And horrible handfuls of weird-flavoured crisps served in paper cupcake cases. They are such depressing evenings. I force myself to go to one a year and am luckily often ill with a cold for the winter one.

I also have a very good friend who is in a small semi-pro music group. They do a couple of concerts a year. I've been to one. It was okay, but not my taste in music at all. the repertoire is the same every time so I have no desire to see it again. But she is always asking and I have to make excuses.

My rule is - do things because you want to do them, but never force others to support you. I make stuff. I never suggest people buy it. Never offer it as a present unless someone actively requests it.

I have friends in choirs . I appreciate and recognise their interest and talent. I am not interested in choirs / concerts.. i have never once gone and I wouldn't expect them to come watch me in a netball match...

I like choirs and concerts so I would definitely go. I have zero interest in sports but I’ve been to see my friend’s amateur women’s rugby team several times because I love her! I would feel upset too, OP

Ddakji, I sometimes disagree with posts on Mumsne but wouldn't dream of calling anyone rude or ignorant. As I've already pointed out to you, I am neither. I made a light hearted comment based on my own experience and you seem to have become upset by it. Shall we agree to disagree and move on? Frankly, I have better things to do than reply to unfounded insults.

It’s not just any choir though. They’re going to see the OP. I’ve been to dance shows to watch people I know, even though I’m not interested in that sort of thing at all. It’s not about the choir, it’s about supporting the people you love.

The response have been really interesting, thank you. I strangely feel better and worse after reading them. Better in the sense that I realise how common it is for people not to attend things their friends are in, and worse because it makes me miss the friends who would go to anything and everything even more! It also makes me even more aware of how lovely my DH is. Incidentally one of the things that made me want to marry him was when I was at uni and I gave a very boring presentation and someone said to me afterwards - '[DH] was gazing at you so proudly.' It is lovely to have someone who is interested in me just for me, it doesn't really matter what I'm doing! I feel the same way about him, which is lucky.

Unfortunate world we live in also, that people find it so hard to use kind words sometimes !
With your “ belllowing “ & “ you can’t expect your friends to be interested, just cause you are “

When we choose partners & friends in this life , of course interests are different, but being our partner or friend we show an interest in supporting them, so yes , it’s not unreasonable to want your friend/freinds to maybe come once & see you in a concert you are performing in ..
And that is how my world works anyway ….

@LaChanteuse I've read through all your responses & I can't see if anyone has asked you this but, have you actually invited your friends to come along & support you?

Yes, I think it is a shame, too, OP. I don’t think YABU. Do they say, ‘yeah, maybe…’ when you mention an upcoming concert and if they’d like to go?

Are your friendships balanced otherwise?

Ultimately, I’d say just don’t dwell on it. Lovely husband, and sometimes children, go!

So lucky 🙌 ☺️

To be honest, choir concerts would be my idea of hell. They’re not interested. 🤷‍♀️

I think coming once would be nice, particularly when the proceeds go to charity. If any of your friends expect you to cough up because they are running a marathon you can tell them to F right off.

I had to answer this one. Typically when people have been to performances I've been in (I used to act quite a lot when I was younger) they would say 'that was great' at the end of it, regardless of whether it was great or not. Sometimes if it was really good there'd be more effusive praise. But generally I wouldn't ask 'what did you think' unless I really wanted feedback and then I'd make it clear the person should be as honest as they could. Overall though, to answer some other questions, my aim wouldn't be to impress my friends, it would be to show them something I'm interested in because to me that's part of friendship.

I haven't directly invited them. They know the details and they know they can come - my view is if they don't volunteer to come, then asking them is quite awkward in the sense that they have to turn me down.

You can still be really good friends and not be interested in everything they do, they aren’t another partner or DH.