To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

OP choirs are incredible boring to everyone else not participating. I would rather watch paint dry than watch a group of amateurs possibly butchering songs I've never heard of. On top of paying for a ticket for the experience.

I was in 2 choirs for a while. Left both for differing reasons, never invited family never mind friends, I knew it wasn’t their thing

My dad is in a choir and to my knowledge none of his friends have ever gone to watch bar 1 (who actually is my mum's friend and husband, and I'm pretty sure they go occasionally more so that my mum has company tbh!) I have watched him perform a few times when it's been at "events" like fun days, public spaces etc but haven't actually ever been to watch any of their concerts.

I have had hobbies where I have competed/performed in the past and have never expected my friends to come and watch, sometimes some did but I think moreso because it was a shared hobby and so they were happy to be there for their own enjoyment, nobody ever came if that wasn't already their idea of a fun day out. I don't think I've ever been to watch my friends do any of their hobbies either tbh (other than the same caveat of it being my idea of fun anyway!)

I would however expect friends to take some sort of interest in my life to some sort of degree, if they ask what you've been up to and you told them about the concert would they ask how it went? Would they wish you luck if they saw you the day before?

Sorry, but it's a bit ego centric to expect people to come to watch you, especially those not really interested in choirs.

A couple of my best friends sing in choirs. It's never even occurred to me to go to one of their concerts. It's just not something I would want to spend time or money doing.
If they are good friends in other ways, who cares?

I write novels. I don't expect my friends, or even my family to read them.

This is exactly the situation I'm talking about - it's a family and friends thing. Except my friends don't come.

Im with most here. I'd hate to be expected to go see/listen to a choir, or watch a marathon, or watch a play..

Hmm, this is an interesting one. You wouldn’t ordinarily expect friends to come and watch you do your hobby, but this is different because of the performance aspect. Is it comparable to watching a friend play a sports match? I don’t think I’d do that.

I have been to amateur performances locally but that’s been to support the cause rather than because someone I know was involved. They can be a bit of an endurance test (hard seats, warm glass of not-very-nice wine in the interval, interminable speech by organiser, etc).

I love my friends, I’d definitely ask about their hobby from time to time but no I wouldn’t go to their choir concert

Same here. It’s obviously feels great for those who do it, but to watch it..no thanks.

It’ll be about the choice of music or venue or whatever. It’s not personal

So you blackmail them with guilt by saying well I came to your thing so now you came to mine.

Id rather not have people attend over having them come when really they’d rather not.

People need to realise that just because they choose to be passionate about something and want to spend their time doing it that doesn’t mean that their family and friends want to witness or be a part of it.

They can be happy for you from a far and want to hear about it but not want to spend their precious time wasted on it.

Reading the replies I think I have a different idea of friendship, based on the people I knew growing up. It was sort of the default that if someone was doing something - running a race, acting, giving a presentation even - that we would all go to see them and support them if we could. I don't think I appreciated them the way I should have at the time!

Have you invited them to a concert?

I would NEVER turn up to a friend’s performance without a specific invite, and would feel a bit awkward if they just rocked up at somewhere I was performing.

Maybe your friends feel like me?

I feel like supporting someone in the things they enjoy is part of friendship. It's also very enjoyable - I have fantastic memories of various friends singing, acting, playing sport etc - but I see that others don't feel that way, which actually makes me feel better.

Do you really want them to be there without being enthusiastically willing?

I would be embarrassed to think someone was watching me out of obligation but didn’t really want to be there.

I want to support my friends but I’d rather stick pins in my eyeballs than give up an entire evening to a choir. Can’t think of anything worse.

I’d only come if it was the type of music I liked.

What kind of choir is it? If it's anything to do with religion (churchy vibes), I wouldn't go, but if it was a regular choir singing non-churchy songs, if definitely go to support a close friend.

The thing is, I'd be enthusiastically willing to see a friend do literally anything. I've been to horrendous live performances and weird art installation things. I don't care what the actual thing is, it's a matter of being there for my friend, seeing them do something they're interested in.

Choirs aren’t my thing. I would say something along the lines appreciating what you do for the community, and offer support by way of a donation to the charity you are supporting, or offer to share publicity on social media.

I disagree. That's similar to insisting friends read a book you've written or watch a holiday film you've made. Why should they if they dont want to? My own dearly loved parents used to bore me to tears showing me 100s of holiday photos, telling all the details about what was happening at the time it was taken. I wasn't there, couldn't relate and didn't want more than a quick look to see what the place was like.

wouldn't t go to watch an amateur choir sing normally, why would I do so if a friend was involved (I do have friends who sing in choirs but they don't expect me to come to a show).

I also sing in a choir. My friends came and saw me once when our choir sang at the Edinburgh Fringe festival but it was part of a fuller day having lunch and going to see some other shows. They wouldn't come just for any of our normal shows. My DM loves to come and see us perform though and DH comes on occasion.

I’m in a choir - I don’t even get my family to come let alone friends (family came once, to a Christmas concert). The performances are great fun as a performer but it’s basically like asking people to come and watch you doing your hobby, unless they are generally interested in the music.