To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

Listening to a choir =mega boring. Enjoy your singing but don't expect others to.

I wouldn’t go. My interest would start and end with ‘Good luck at your concert!’ and then ‘How did your concert go?’

You can’t force an interest that isn’t there. If it was, they’d go.

I have friends in choirs and so far they have never asked me to attend. I’m trying to imagine them asking me to come and I’m getting a really awkward feeling as a response. Not entirely sure why. I think I would feel obliged to go but worry it would go on for too long, the singing would not be very good, I’d have to go on my own as no-one else would want to come, they would ask what I thought after and I’d have to lie and say I loved it etc. I really care about these friends, visit them when I can, send cards and gifts, listen to them when they are down and generally give up my time for then, but going to their concerts seems a step too far for some reason. The psychology of this is really interesting to reflect on. It’s possibly quite an English response. If you have ever read Watching the English by Kate Fox, the chapter on Humour Rules contains a note called The Importance of Not Being Earnest which may be relevant here. I think there is an earnestness attached to asking people to watch you perform, that English people are socially conditioned to reject.

I would definitely go and see a friend perform once. I would want to support them!

Actually I think a good friend would, at least once, because it's supporting the friend and a good cause at the same time.

And it's sad that other posts agree with you.

I would stand in a cold field with wet feet if it meant my friend had someone on the touchline supporting her venture.

I think sitting in a civilised room with facilities on the odd occasion isn't too much to ask.

I dragged myself to my dc school performances because I love them and I wanted to see them perform.

I would be very unlikely to want to sit through a choir concert for anyone but my dc no matter how good

Hi @LaChanteuse I sympathise with you.

I take part in some musical events and some of my friends never come, some will turn up on occasion or rarely. I do let them know the concert is happening and I wonder if this would help in your situation. Usually I would say something like "I'm currently enjoying rehearsing for the next concert, we're doing XX theme / YY composer / here's why I like performing ZZ. It'll be held at the end of September, you're very welcome in case you fancy coming".

This means that I've told the friend a little bit about what I'm doing and why I like it - plus given them some info about what type of event it is - and then it seems easier for them to decide if they fancy coming along or not.

My Mum sings in a community choir and I do try and go to a few of them in a year especially when they are close by , but there are quite a lot and the standard varies massively. I've got two kids, so on a rare night out I don't always want to watch a load of middle-aged ladies sing. I also feel for her a big part of it is the social side - they hang out afterwards and I don't want to feel like a third wheel. Maybe your friends feel similarly - if you want them to come be explicit.

What good cause?

And @Sadworld23 , I didn't say a good friend wouldn't support her friend by going to see her in a bad play.

I said a good friend wouldn't expect a friend to come and see her in a terrible play. Very different.

I wouldn’t normally go and watch friends doing their hobbies but I also wouldn’t expect them to do so for me. I have sung in choirs quite a lot in the past and amateur choirs are really for the enjoyment of the participants, they’re never that great to listen to.

However if a friend said this particular occasion is really important to me, please could you come and support me then I’d do my best to go as a one off.

As a friend yes, but they don’t have to be interested in your hobbies. Would you go to watch them at bridge club or crochet circle?

Are they spectator events?