To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

Yeah i would expect this.

I go to see my friends stuff, they come to see mine.

But i guess if friendship to you is just about meeting up for wine o'clock, you wouldnt understand

This shows people really won’t go out of their way anymore to support someone they are supposed to care about.

There really is so many self centred cunts in this world isn’t there. 🙄

I sing in a choir because hour because it’s fun, a great way of making friends and is good for me. However, I entirely get that attending choir performances is not everyone’s cup of tea. I’ve never asked any of my friends to come to a concert. They know what I’m doing, ask me how it’s going, where I’m singing and wish me luck. They show interest in me. But they’ve never come to see me and why should they? Support and encouragement comes in many guises. They don’t need to be in the audience to demonstrate they care.

I know a lot of musicians. I would only ever attend a choral concert if you were the soloist, conductor, accompanist, or having an original composition/arrangement of yours performed. The exception would be if you’re a member of the BBC Chorus or similar amazing choir in which case, yes, I’d love to come and watch you perform at the proms!

Your husband comes because he's married to you and probably won't hear the end of it otherwise. It's quite self centred of you to expect your friends to watch you. Choirs are probably fun to be in but are boring to watch. I don't expect my friends to watch me in a race I've been training months for if they aren't interested in running. I'm sure you can spend time with your friends doing things you mutually enjoy.

YABU. Amateur choir performances, I'm sorry to say, are not most people's cup of tea. Maybe your friends could come to one of it's for charity, fair enough.

My mum is in a choir and invites me to her shows. I have been to one, and it was a whole evening of amateur performances (think children, elderly women) and it was the dullest thing I have ever sat through. I have a very busy job, 2 small children and barely ever get a night to myself, so I just can't justify the childcare for something like this, to sit through an evening I really don't enjoy. I didn't tell my mum it was boring, but I asked her if she wanted me there or if she was just asking me if I wanted to go for my own entertainment. She said she wasn't bothered about me going but thought I'd like it, and was fine with me saying no. So I don't go to any anymore.

Maybe your friends would come if you made it clear it's really important to you, and that it's for charity. But I wouldn't expect them to want to, or to enjoy it I'm sorry to say!

My very good friend is in choir and is an amazing singer.
i have not and will not see her perform- I can’t imagine anything worse than watching a choir if I’m honest

People are different, if thet are a good friend in other ways I would not let this upset you.

If a friend said "i have a concert in xxxx if anyone would like a ticket please let me know cost is xx" i would go if i was available to support my friend. I would not book tickets normally so wouldnt do it based on seeing the concert advertised and prior knowledge that is the particular choir my friend is in (i probably wouldnt even remember that is the choir).

I’m with you guys, I would struggle not to fall asleep, however I’d still suck it up if it was my friend performing, I think. Just to show support and interest in my friend’s life.

You sound nice.

Bullshit. There are many ways of supporting your friends.

I agree you feel more pressure then but OP is feeling let down by her friends currently. She needs to let her friends know she would like them to come to her concerts occasionally but accept if they say they don't want to. I have friends I can be honest with and expect them to be honest with me.

There really are so many self-centred cunts in the world.

I just think it's a bit ridiculous to charge when professional musicians struggle to sell tickets to their gigs?

It's a hobby group. If they're really good then the leader will be paid by someone else for them to perform. If they're not really good then they should give back to the community by at least letting people listen to them for free. Otherwise it's just self indulgence?

The choir is meant to be able to perform in front of an audience. That's supposed to be the point.

But not to make a profit from it? It's meant to be showcasing itself to the local community, to help cohesion, to bring people some happiness?

I just don't see why anyone would pay for that when they could go to an actual professional concert.

I’ve been singing in a choir for years and only family have come to see me sing. I think it’s one of those things that is fun for the performers, not so much for other people, unless you are a fan of the particular music genre. I used to sing in one of those pop choirs, but honestly, I wouldn’t watch one, and certainly wouldn’t pay for it. OP, you could ask friends if you could buy them a ticket if you really want them to come.

I would go and watch friends sing but I know nothing about choirs and might not know that it was an open invite unless told. For example, if it’s in a church is it just for those churchgoers etc.

If you were my friend I would gladly come and support you but would need a, ‘I’m playing at the community centre on the 21st. Do you fancy popping along?’

Not sure if it’s the same but I’m an artist and when I exhibit I invite people despite it not being invite only. Lots of them wouldn’t go in a gallery unless they knew that me and my work are there.

Just a thought. Might just be me though!

Gosh it's tricky. My friends are into things I find dreary and I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but I 100% wouldn't attend those.. Sometimes we're just polite and pretend we like things. It's time and money and maybe they have other priorities.
Don't take it personal.

I love a choir so I’d go. But generally I think only your immediate family who have a duty to turn up to this sort of stuff- I wouldn’t expect my friends to do so.

Do you watch them do their hobbies?

Yes, I find choir singing really boring. Most of us did our stint of performances when our children were young. You are being quite unreasonable to expect your friends to sit there bored.

Where I do sympathise if if you’ve gone to their performances and they’ve not done the same for you because it feels unequal. However I don’t generally think you should expect people to come. People have such a lot on that they have to prioritise how to spend their time. I’m a single parent of young children and I work full time. I am honestly constantly teetering on the brink with stress and exhaustion. I just don’t have the capacity for people being needy about going along to support their hobbies.

As for “self centred cunts”, I’ve supported my friends in so many ways. Im a good friend and have a very wide circle of friends. I’m a lawyer and have devoted hours to helping people with issues at work, their landlords, divorces etc. I’ve arranged hens, surprise parties, been a constant open ear whenever someone needs to talk. I gave up a weekend to help a friend move house because she has a disability which means she can’t lift boxes easily. I help my friends out with childcare whenever I can. I support my friends in so many different ways but I’m a “self centred cunt” because I don’t want to use a rare free evening siting having a horrible time doing something I really don’t want to do?

☝️this. I have a friend in a choir and whilst I love her, nothing would entice me to go.

But not in the way they want to be supported clearly …

If someone is a solo singer/musician/artist/dancer whatever then I think many of their friends would make an effort to go to the odd performance, but I agree with PPs that amateur choir singing is boring to watch and listen to!

Just because your interest/hobby involves performing doesn't mean that your friends should be interested - and you're being unreasonable to be annoyed!

It's your hobby, not theirs.

It's your hobby which is great but do you go and watch all your friends at their hobbies? Say football, netball, track events, tennis tournaments, etc I don't view it as any different. If you were performing on the west end or something major that's different.

This is such an interesting thread. I’m a devoted choral singer and have sung in the same chamber choir for over 25 years. Yes we are good (we do paid gigs as well as unpaid) but I gave up years ago mentioning our concerts to friends as no one ever wants to come. Fair enough, I would hate for someone to go to a concert because they felt obliged through friendship.

But I’m sad to see so many people in this thread dismissing choral music entirely. It’s more than ‘just old ladies singing Old Lang Syne’ or however @ElCorazon so charmingly put it. There is a world of glorious music out there, moving, inspiring, life-affirming, and even (gasp) amateurs can produce enjoyable performances. Bach motets, Songs of Farewell by Parry, Figure Humaine by Poulenc, music by Eric Whitacre, Arvo Part, Eric Esenvalds … there is so much incredible music to discover.