To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

If you were in Oasis or ELO (both playing this week) your friends would be right there with backstage passes. But a choir? They aren't interested.

I’m really sorry but I find this type of thing really annoying.

People who do choir, in a band, in a performance/drama group or similar and who keep advertising their performances for people to attend are being pushy. I have no interest in going but yet am put in the position to say no time and time again.

This is rife on my kids’ school WhatsApp groups. I find it really uncomfortable and cringy.

if people want to go, they’ll express an interest and go. If not, take the hint and leave them be.

Yeah, but... You clearly love that music. Great.

But I don't choose to listen to that music even when it's performed by the best singers and instrumentalists in the world. It's not my kind of thing.

I'm not suddenly going to find it entrancing because in a bunch of amateurs, however talented, there's my mate Laura.

EDIT: Just in case I was, I have started playing Figure Humaine by Poulenc on Spotify and, honestly, this is the kind of music I hope and expect to not hear again until, I don't know, the King dies...

Are you ok?

I'm currently "between choirs", but have been in many, many concerts over the years. And although family have attended a very small few, none of my friends ever have, not one.
I'd say 8 out of 10 choir concerts I've done as an adult, I've had no one in the audience just for me. I did find it a bit sad, but I was in choirs because I enjoyed it. I realise it's not everyone's cup of tea.

@MasterBeth if you’re familiar with a wide range of choral music and you know it’s not for you, no problem 🤷‍♀️ My comment was for people who don’t know much about it and have decided they don’t like it based on assumptions and little experience of it. I’m just suggesting that it’s worth exploring if it’s largely an unknown area of music.

I've sung in choirs and played in gigging bands. Tbh, I've never expected or assumed anyone would come because, let's face it, no one wants to see a band whose music they're not into and choirs are boring.

My children were also in choirs as children/teens and, although they were very good and I loved seeing my children. It was also boring 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not very familiar with it at all. I just have a pretty immediate reaction that I don't want to hear any more of it. That's fine, isn't it?

Are we obliged to "explore" heavy metal or K-pop or smooth jazz if we don't know much about it but know we don't care for it?

Of course, absolutely no obligation. Stick with what you know 🙂

Typical cold MN responses. If they are close friends and this means a lot to you they should try and go once.
Depends how much friendships mean to you but you reap what you sow in my opinion. They might not love the choir itself but being there sends a message that they want to be there for you. It works both ways.

It is not entirely clear from your post if you have extended an invitation to your friends? Or are you just expecting them to show up by assuming they’ve seen that there is a concert coming up? If it really means a lot to you, maybe just ask them to come to one?

If I was a close friend of yours, I would probably go for one concert (I’m not that fond of choirs but I’d want to support a friend). But I’d only go if I was actually invited by my friend for a specific date/time.

This I would hate to sing in public so it wouldn’t cross my mind to go unless you specifically invited me!

If the music was in the style of the film 'Sister Act', I'd consider going. If its regular choral music- no way.

I have friends that I like to spend time with- not watch THEM doing THEIR hobby! They don't come to my house to watch me garden, crochet or exercise!

Yes, but, to be fair, they're not usually performance type hobbies!

My husband and I have a friend who is a professional drummer. Tickets can be expensive but we try and watch him once per year. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all to want your friends to support you. They can make a night of it - dinner first or after etc.

Of course you can expect but not demand.

@LaChanteuse
this world needs more love not less. i would so go to support my friends. I ve seen some of them playing a match i wasnt interested in, i ve watched a friend som playing rugby, i ve been to charity events to support others, to name but a few.

it doesnt matter whether i am interested in what they are doing, i am interested in them and thats what matter. If they are friends then i love them (otherwise they wouldnt be my friends) and because i love them i support them when I can.

it s up to us to build our village and support each other. You give, you pass the kindness forward and thats make for a better world for our children to grow in.

i hate selfishness, entitlement and the attitude that is me first.

I don’t need to explore it. I like solo vocalists. I like going to see bands. I have zero interest in choir groups whatsoever, no matter what their style is. The tv series The Choir plus Britain’s Got Talent and the like have increased their popularity and there’s now a choir in every community. I get it, it’s a great way for people who can’t sing to blend into a group and feel like they are singing, and it’s great for socialising… but it’s not for me. Neither participating, nor watching.

We don’t need to explore everything in life if we don’t want to. Even for friends. I have a few friends who are in our local choir group. They love it and good for them. I’m not going to watch it. I’ve been there when they’ve needed emergency childcare, been stuck with car troubles, have needed a shoulder to cry on etc. I don’t need to see them all singing and clapping together, one voice indistinguishable from the next. I’m not interested.

I really don’t find it life affirming. I’ve seen the kind of varied and more modern performances you’re getting at. Life affirming is not a phrase I would choose. I want to see a choir group as much as I want to see Stomp or Riverdance.

I get that it’s your thing and you clearly love it but it’s mind numbing to me, however well put together, professional, talented and so on.

I know what you mean. I decided a little while ago to try different things, different experiences and go outside my comfort zone. There have been some hits and some misses, but I'm glad I went to different concerts, plays and exhibitions and tried different types of music!

Ah no, they clearly wouldn’t enjoy that. I’m also in a Choir & my friends don’t come see me. No big fizz 😁

Exactly this.
I'm glad you enjoy it @LaChanteuse, but it's your thing, not theirs.

oh bullshit

Me me me.. poor you! 😬 I wouldnt go either.. bad enough having to go to our little darlings choirs, let alone our fully grown, sulky, woe is me adult friends choirs.
My answer probably would have been different, however you've chosen not to see anyone else's perspective (your way of friendship is not everyone's way of friendship) on this.

But choir is your hobby? Not theirs. I’d no more expect to see you in your hobby than I’d expect you to sit and watch me do DIY.

Maybe they’re not interested … have you asked them to go?