To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

Sorry, I think this.

It’s really annoying when people expect you to be excited about their hobby or job.

I wouldn’t go to a choir performance just because my friend was in it. It’s not my kind of music and I wouldn’t enjoy it. I wouldn’t expect my friends to watch/read/listen my creative projects if they aren’t to their taste.

They are interested in you as a friend. They’re just not interested in watching you sing. Which is perfectly reasonable IMO

Is this Rock Choir? I sing in Rock Choir and when concerts come up I invite people but I always make it clear that they are under no obligation because I understand it’s not everyone’s thing. I don’t think it would be a measure of friendship for me.
My OH isn’t really into choirs but he has come to a couple of concerts to support me. I don’t expect him to come to more than the odd one and even that I wouldn’t expect if it weren’t for my daughter who is 10 and loves seeing us and I need him to bring her!

Totally agree. My elderly mum's neighbour is like this. Constantly asking her to buy tickets to see her amateur choir. She'd rather watch paint dry. I would never go, but to be honest I wouldn't be friends with people who push their own hobbies like this. People are really busy nowadays and don't want to waste precious leisure time.

I have lots of experience in performing in a wide range of types of choirs and I’m not sure anyone except very close relatives has ever watched me sing in an amateur choir

It actually wouldn’t even occur to me that a friend might come to watch, and it also wouldn’t occur to me to go to a friend’s choir performance - unless it was a very, very good choir who sang proper choral music that I was interested in. Solo performances are different, but just amateur choir, pop/rock choir type stuff? No

If I'm being honest, this is really a you problem and nothing to do with your friends. You have decided that a yardstick of friendship is for people to unquestioningly attend each others' hobbies and performances.

As you can see from this thread, this is not a view shared by the majority of people around you. So, you are effectively setting up a secret test of friendship with rules that no one knows, then judging your friends for failing it.

If I were your friend, I would actually be someone who would happily come along (once) if invited and would try to find something nice to say. But I wouldn't assume when you told me you had a concert that it would mean anything to you if I came along because it wouldn't be the same for me if I was performing.

So, I suggest you accept that your yardstick of friendship is yours, and others will vary. Specifically invite your friends along to any performance that is really important to you and maybe make it into more of an evening by suggesting you all go out for dinner or drinks afterwards. You might have more success that way, and everyone would get something out of the evening, you included.

I’m a professional musician, and have been for many years. My friends rarely come to my concerts (and I do a lot!) mostly due to lack of interest, also due to busy lives etc.
Sometimes it frustrates me, particularly if I’m playing a concert close to a friend and I’ve taken the time to let them know and have assured them it’ll be a good one (I’m freelance so not all of them are 😂) but you can take a horse to water…!
Enjoy what you do, and be thankful you have a lovely DH who supports you. I have a lovely partner who supports me too, when I’m playing locally he’s nearly always there and that’s lovely ❤️ sing your heart out, knowing you’re doing it well and having a great time, your friends might one day still come, but in the meantime just keep loving what you do.

If you judge your friends by how YOU would behave, you'll continue to be disappointed.
Enjoy singing in your concerts and seeing your DH in the audience, and forget about everyone else. If you want to go along when your friends are doing a performance/marathon/exhibition yada yada, then continue to do so - you do you.

You need to ask, even if casually “Got my next show on at xx on yy, anyone want a ticket?”

I sing in a choir too OP. It's difficult because we spend a lot of time learning the songs, and really we need to perform them, and for that we need an audience. My DH comes every time with my friend's husband, but many if the choir don't bring anyone. So where does the audience come from?
I have asked friends if they'd like to come and made a party up so that we meet up after. They have also come to our main concert, where we provide a full meal. They have said they enjoyed it. But it's not everyone 's cup of tea.
It's a dilemma, we're just trying to make it more than us singing.

My friend is doing gigs in pubs and singing country music. I don't like that music and haven't been to see them. I'd be even less likely to see a boring choir! I sell at craft fairs and majority of friends don't come to see me. It's fine. We support each other in other ways and meet up and have fun at other times.

I agree with you. I believe friends should show up to support each other.

A few years ago I was dancing and took part in a few shows. None of my friends came. I was so proud of what I’d done. It just made me feel very alone.

I consider myself a good friend and wouldn’t have even thought of going to a friend’s concert. I love that my friends have hobbies but don’t get involved in them, I always think of the hobbies and interests as their thing.

It’s literally because it’s a choir, that’s all. Most people find them really boring and if you’ve never asked them to come, they’ll happily not offer or even think to! Ask them. If they say no, they’re busy, I’ll bet it’s because it’s a choir not because they don’t like you. Don’t take it personally. I only ever see choirs at king cross station, and it’s slightly cringe to be honest…or on britains got talent, at which point I do something else… so it’s not you!

In my experience choirs are great fun for those who sing in them but not for anyone who has to sit on a hard seat and listen to them. Presumably, your friends have better things to do like ironing.

That’s rude and ignorant. I’ve been to a couple of friends’ concerts, both very different choirs, both very enjoyable and nice to do something a bit different with my evenings.

I would go and watch my child, but I would find going out of my way to watch a friend in an amateur choir cringeworthy. Just like I wouldn't watch friends do their sport hobbies, only my children.

No, it isn’t rude or ignorant.

The previous poster is literally telling you her experience.

Your experience is different.

It wouldn’t kill them, worst case they might actually enjoy it. Certainly it’s something I’d do for my friends.

No - she started off saying it was her experience but then said that they weren’t fun for “anyone” who “has to” sit and listen to them.

Yes, and in her experience that has been true.

Is English not your first language?

I'm not rude or ignorant. I said 'in my experience' and that is true and I also have 'a couple of friends' who have sung in choirs.

So why claim that it’s not fun for “anyone” rather than just yourself?

Her experience is that it’s not fun for “anyone”. How can she know? Has she personally asked every person who’s ever gone to hear a friend sing in a concert?

I think my understanding of English is better than yours.