To be annoyed none of my friends have come to my concerts?

[LaChanteuse]

I genuinely don't know if I'm BU. I'm in a choir and we have regular concerts. We're an amateur choir but pretty good and tickets are cheap - all proceeds go to charity. Locations are easy to get to - nothing miles away or with difficult parking etc.

I've been in the choir four years and have done about 10 concerts. DH comes every time (even though I've said he doesn't have to - he is the kindest person in the entire world) and my kids come when they can.

My local friends know when the concerts are on but they haven't come to a single one. If the tables were turned I'd be dying to see them performing - I wouldn't go to every concert but I'd go to one at least. AIBU to be annoyed they haven't made the effort? To be clear these are people I'm close to, not acquaintances.

I guess it depends on the choir. I loathe church type choir music and loathe gospel/capella type choir music in the main. Maybe that's their problem.

Just by the bye, have you actually asked them. I'd be more inclined if I thought it was important to someone that I was there.

🤣🤣🤣

sad you!

not sad at all....amused

good for you. I dont like cynicism, inwaktnto live in a world I am proud of.

keep on being amused.

I do live in a world I am proud of....AND I am amused.

Ugh.

I think it's odd that none have come to a single concert. I'd go along to see and support my friends in pretty much any activity/performance etc that they were taking part it at least once. YANBU imo.

My friends come to my amateur orchestra concerts and I go watch their Gilbert and Sullivan shows. My stuff isn't their cup of tea and I don't massively enjoy light operatics but we're friends so we support each other.

Can't you see how that's missing the point?

Have you asked if he enjoys coming? If not I feel very sad for him. I may be off the mark here but are you a little bit controlling and he can’t say no?

I go to my friends' choir concerts whenever I can. I get what you're saying about support for one another. My DH comes to mine, but no friends, really. My friends buy my books but I don't know if they read them!

Blimey. That's a bit of a reach. Also quite disheartening that someone can't conceive that a husband would support his wife willingly just because he loves her, wants to he supportive and enjoys seeing her doing something she loves.

My partner comes to every one one of my gigs and I go to his. Not because either of us is controlling and neither of us is allowed to say no but because we both want to be there. The only time we've missed a gig of the others is when we've both had one the same night.

Meh. I have hobbies, my friends have hobbies. Neither are interesting to the other and we get on fine and manage to “support each other” in plenty of other ways.

Torturing someone with am dram isn’t a necessary part of friendship.

I might go occasionally just to support my friend, probably not a lot. Most people would not assume it means that much to someone, I’d be clear to people it means a lot to you, just don’t expect it from others. Maybe consider how much you support your friends in all areas of life, areas you would not have considered until now. Do they nobble you for attention? If not, just think about that before you complain to them.

I'm in a cathedral choir but I would never expect friends to come and see me sing even though it's free and reasonably high quality. It's not their thing.

I would also never pay to see an amateur choir or attend one of their concerts even if a friend was a member. I hate the sound, I sit there judging any wrong notes or badly timed moments and being there makes me feel sick and incredibly anxious (which is a horrible and totally involuntary response).

The only time I will go see a choir is if they're professional e.g the Monteverdi choir or the sixteen. Anything else is a waste of an evening for me.

Growing up your friends probably had more free time than they do now. Do they make time for you otherwise? That's what you should focus on. Not whether they spend an evening or afternoon passively listening to you singing in a choir.

No, I wouldn't go. I'm not interested in spending my evening listening to a choir. I'm pretty tone deaf and don't enjoy concerts. I'd be surprised to discover that a friend expected me to go to support them. It is their hobby, not mine.

I played Hockey at County level from my teens to my 30s. It would never have occurred to me to expect friends or family to come watch me. I also played for a club that won a lot of tournaments, cups and shields. Same with tennis. Again, I don't think any of my family ever came to watch a tournament. It's a long, boring day if you aren't interested in watching hockey or tennis matches.

I'll be honest, I'm not really interested in watching hockey matches. Fun to play, not fun to be watching.

I've said more than once that I've told him he doesn't have to come. He wants to come - in fact he was quite horrified at the prospect of not coming. To be fair, I've come along to his events, even if I don't know what's going on.

I wouldn’t want to go and listen to a choir for the evening, but if you were performing a few songs at a fete or in the town band stand for example I’d happily pop along. Maybe tell them about those kind of things instead?

One of my friends sings in an amateur choir. They were singing at a fun day event locally so I saw her there unintentionally (having taken kids to the event generally) and gotta say I found it quite cringe to see her - she was loving it so I’m happy for her on that score but it gave me a really uncomfortable feeling like when my nan used to oversing in church. As others have said, it’s way more fun for the singers who’re getting lost in it then the ones having to watch unless it’s mega their thing. Different with pro’s or even a church choir doing hymns at a ceremony but something about the ‘fun’ amateur choirs is intrinsically awkward to watch for some of us and watching a friend in one is worse. More like watching them at it than playing sport or acting. Something unbridled and exposing about it. Hence why your DH is more enraptured.

No I couldn’t think of anything worse than going to see a choir! Maybe it’s not their cup of tea. I get you feel they aren’t supportive but this is a bit niche! You can’t force them.

On the - different to friends growing up thing - it’s totally different as you get older. I saw loads of friends plays in my teens and 20s, but feel like I’ve used up my tolerance for it and have limited time left on earth so am more choosey with how I spend it. I’m still a good friend but better at boundaries and not doing things I don’t like just because someone expects it. Good friends wouldn’t want to make me sit through something I wasn’t going to enjoy.

I don't get the whole idea of wanting support from friends. I compete in a sport, I win medals in it, I don't expect anyone to come watch, not even my husband. I don't watch his hobbies either

So in my mind, it's not something reciprocal, I don't want anyone to watch me doing my hobbies so it wouldn't occur to me to spend time watching someone else do theirs.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't go I couldn't think of anything more boring than a night watching choir singing. That's just me. Maybe they're the same. Even if my best mate of 35 years was in there i wouldn't. And nor would I expect her to go to anything i do that she may find boring.

I adore choral music. Which, to be honest, would make me less likely to attend an amateur choral event I thought would be bad.