Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Wow. Im sorry that must have been hurtful to hear but there's no way they deserved tl be blocked for this

What they said wasn’t very nice at all, but you were not meant to hear it. I actually can’t believe you’ve made your partner block his parents and never ever speak to them ever again over this!

You can't have him never speaking to his parents again because they said something a bit nasty. Come on OP.

You are behaving like children.

Extremely childish. I’m sure you felt hurt - I would too - but this was a conversation you were never intended to hear. They might also think you’re lovely and funny - the things that matter.
I would also be wary of a boyfriend who so readily cut off his own flesh and blood over a comment out of context and supposed to be out of earshot.

This is nuts. Seriously. If the parents didn’t think much of you before, they’ll be horrified with you now.

I guess the question is … what are either of you hoping to gain by blocking. I can see why it was insensitive and hurtful but if they don’t realise what they’ve done, how might they learn from that? They didn’t say it to your face so didn’t intend to hurt you.

I think blocking is an over-reaction. Your partner is thinking he’s being loyal to you but total rejection of his (am assuming, bewildered, parents) is major.

Look, life’s too short. Contact them, explain how hurt you were and give them a chance to make amends.

He just... Blocked them over that? My husband would certainly have a few choice words for his parents if they said something like that and defend me, but leaving and blocking without a word is a bit extreme.

Also the person you need to be asking about your partners preferences is your partner. Not us. We don't know if there's truth to it. Your partner is the only one that knows that.

As a fat woman myself, I know I'm fat. While it's not a very nice thing to say it's also not untrue. So while it would hurt to hear it's not really malicious is it?

I think my biggest concern would be, does your partner really hate overweight women? Why would they think that?

I usually follow the advice that other people's opinions of me is none of my business.

I understand why you're upset but why has your dp blocked them and won't see them again? Surely he should speak to them first to explain how hurt and upset you are?
You can choose to have no contact with your pils but I'd definitely let them rectify the situation first.

I can understand why hearing that was hurtful, but what they said wasn’t intended to be cruel. They were just making an observation (in private) of how you don’t fit his usual type. They weren’t saying that they don’t like your body, or you as a person!

I think it’s a huge overreaction that he is willing to cut his parents off over this and see it as a reg flag.

I feel like they have got away with it

They’ll be devastated right now.

YAB very U to block them for a private observation you weren’t supposed to overhear. But it’s a huge relationship red flag ime that he would cut off contact with his dps for that. It’s making me wonder either how controlling you are, or if he is playing games.

I know it must have been hurtful for you to hear those words but I feel it’s actually quite vindictive of you to be happy for your partner to cut his parents off over this. wtf sorry.

The parents are thoughtless at worst.
Your partner is cruel. Was he looking for an excuse to cut contact with his parents?
Unless there is a huge back story, I would struggle to be with someone who can just cast supposed loved ones aside.

This is insane. As if you both just left and he blocked them over this.

Sounds like you and your partner have more issues than the parents.

I didn’t ask him to cut contact with his parents I just said I will never see them again and he said that’s fine and blocked them. I have moved from my home town to be with him and left all my family and friends to live with him.

It's not a nice thing to say but I can't believe he's only been with you a year and he's already happy to cut his parents off

How Spectacularly rude and stupid - walking out whilst they were in the garden?

He also knows this is a really tough subject for me because I was bullied for being big all my life

The fact that you got your things and left is commendable, though ideally you'd have said something before leaving. Kudos for that, total respect. Good that your partner was on board.

In terms of you never wanting to see them again, people's families can be sexist, racist, fattist, poshist.
Absolutely your choice not to but I think you need to decide if you still want to be with him, because he WILL need to see them at some point. It does sound like he may not be very close to them if he just blocked.

I think you are overthinking - he may have said that ONCE (he sounds like a pretty absolutist guy if he blocks his parents anyway?) but it doesn't mean he still thinks or feels that way. Would you hold a past comment against someone? No right or wrong answer, it's an ethical dilemma.

You live in his house or you have your own place?
Its a very silly move to relocate for your boyfriend and then proceed to alienate yourself from his local family

this gets steadily worse. You hardly know him.

And so what if his parents think you’re fat. Why does anyone else’s opinion matter? And just because you have been daft enough to isolate yourself doesn’t mean that he owes you anything.

I can understand you being upset, but to cut his parents off because they said you were fat when they thought you couldn't hear them is a bit extreme. It's a red flag for him, but also, if I was him, I wouldn't be too impressed with you either.

All it really called for was a discussion with them. Like adults.