Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

I'd be more interested in why they said he used to 'hate fat people' as that might shed some light. Also, he's 22, of course he's going to see his parents again. It's unlikely you two will be together in a year.

One of my close male friends met a person on an online dating site. She had a facial picture only on the site.

When he arrived for the first date she was a size 26-28. My friend came to me to ask my thoughts on her size. He enjoyed their evening, and her company, but as a really healthy guy with a very active lifestyle he also wanted a partner that could share his interest in adventurous travel, mountain biking, hiking, and other sports. He was pretty clear on that in his profile.

I imagine if she had walked in on that conversation it would have been hideous to hear. However I understood the need for a frank and open conversation on compatability.

Perhaps it was the same curiosity or concern based on his life to date? Were they being mocking or was it a private discussion? I mean there's a big difference between an open conversation of his historic preferences, or "oh my god, she's such a fat whatever...."

OP these people have done nothing wrong! Are you fat? If so, hearing it come as no surprise to you or do you imagine people don't notice? If you are not fat, well they think you are, but it's just their opinion and of no concern to you.
Are people not allowed to discuss you? You are discussing them with a whole forum of people. People are allowed to say things that do not please you.

If you'd listened to the whole conversation or talked to them like an adult , you'd have probably learned that they were thinking something like "this one must be special" for him to have vered away from type.

If he has told them he hates fat women, that not their fault.

Not the point of the thread I know but :

"You've been with him less than a year and you've already left all your family and friends to live with him. Wow! Nuts!"

This does happen sometimes! DH left all family, job, friends etc to move thousands of miles to another continent after knowing me for less than three months. We're still together 20 years later.

I think your partner has done an over-the
-top dramatic gesture to prove to you that he is totally disassociated from their comments. I doubt he will stay out of touch with them for very long.

It was a nasty comment to overhear but if my son or daughter moved in with a very overweight person my husband and I would definitely comment on it to each other. Same if they turned up with someone seriously underweight.

I can't imagine being with someone who would decide to never see or speak to his parents again with no warning or explanation, over one comment they made about me in private.

Batshit 😂

Honestly he absolutely shouldn't have blocked his parents for this especially if it's true that he previously voiced that he wpuld
never date a bigger girl

I really don’t understand what his parents have done wrong here really. If he has genuinely told them previously that he hates “fat” women (I hate that word), and you do fit that description, then it’s not them you should be angry at- it’s him.

If you had overheard them saying he had always hated blonde women so couldn’t understand why he was with you because you are blonde, would you be this angry? It’s the same thing. If he has expressed a preference previously but now has gone for the opposite then I really don’t see how the parents are to blame for acknowledging that in a private conversation?

That's ridiculous, why can't you just have a conversation about it, but to have him block them, is just totally wrong.

You are being ridiculous and both acting really immaturely. His parents do not deserve this treatment.
Grow up

Wow serious red flag! I hope your partner sees it and runs the hell away from you!
Yes they said something offensive. NO you should not have disappeared or blocked them.
You sound unhinged and your partner should stand up for his parents!

I’m overweight, and I struggle to see why you’re so offended.

When you are fat (which I am), you’ve got two options.

• Embrace it, and accept that it’s your body and you’re happy in it. That therefore means other people having eyes and seeing that you’re overweight isn’t a huge deal, because you know you are.

• Hate it and hate the way it makes you feel and makes other people judge you. That’s your impetus to do something about it. If you’re unhappy and not doing anything about it, you can’t be offended that other people can see your size.

I live my life in option 1. I’m aware of my size, I’m aware other people are aware of my size, and for now - I’m not doing anything to change that. I wouldn’t be offended to be called fat, I am, and you can’t expect people to ignore the blatant truth.

If I felt bad about other people’s opinions on my body, I’d be on a diet by now.

Are you angry they referred to your weight during a private conversation?

It's totally unreasonable for overweight people to think others can never refer to it even when they are not present.

I understand it may be hurtful to overhear such comments but they were not trying to be hurtful it was private.

The fact that your partner is cutting them off suggests he's the one with an issue with weight in the past.
And that you have an issue with it now, to the extent you want to dictate others never refer to it even in private.

You and your partner need to work out your own issues and not blame his parents for factual private conversations.

I’d be a bit worried if someone I was with was willing to cut off and Block contact with his parents over a comment that wasn’t supposed to be heard by you surely you have an adult conversation and explain your feeling ? I admit it’s very stingy hearing those words though so your feelings are important and valid

Actually I’m wondering if the parents have had a lucky escape from both him and OP.

Honestly, I would really have taken them on and told them what you heard them talking about and how it was very rude of them. We need to accept responsibility for defending ourselves and our honour. Now, they will never know, so no improvements there then.

Isn't it just a statement?

He hasn't dated someone fat before?

What has he said about that?

To me his reaction to it is a huge red flag tbh.

Hi, op. I am sorry you are getting such a bad time here. I can only think lots of bored, bitter, and angry women need someone to pick on this afternoon. They love to pick on other women, and because you are overweight, they feel justified, you have committed the worst sin in the world, and deserve it.

You are only young. Have a think about everything and take it easy. Maybe step away from here, its toxic. Take care.

Best comment.

Be careful, OP.

If he's willing to cut his actual parents out of his life forever over one (admittedly, thoughtless) comment then imagine how easy it would be for him to drop a girlfriend of less than a year.

It’s horrible op I would be really upset too, but the parents didn’t say it to you - they said it in what they thought was a private conversation. It’s totally different to being rude/mean. They may well really like you. Your boyfriend can’t never speak to his parents again over this & if his willing to that’s weird in itself. I think you should tell them why you left and give them to opportunity to apologise.

OP this is such an over-reaction. You're overweight. That's a fact. People have types.
You weren't meant to hear the conversation. Did they definitely say he hates overweight women or is that how you interpreted what they said? It just sounds like surprise. I also don't think you can say he must do this because you've moved away for him. You made a choice. You're an adult. You didn't have to do it.

I remember my MiL telling me she was surprised when she met me as she thought my (now) DH would have been into a more sporty outdoorsy type rather than me, a slightly alternative but very feminine woman. This wasn't an insult or her saying she thought I was lazy, it was just a comment. And to be fair I probably was a surprise choice as my dyspraxic self wouldn't be great at hiking or mountaineering which is something he loves!

Absolutely ridiculous reaction. You're behaving like a petulant child. They didn't mean you to hear and don't have the faintest idea why their son has blocked them. Neither do I. And, yes, I'm a fat girl.