Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

You sound as though you like a drama. So does your dp.

Why would you need to be mad at your dp because he previously liked thin women?

Why wouldn't you both just say you overheard their observation?

Why would you quietly leave without a word?

Why do you want him to unblock his parents to stir up trouble before reblocking them?

Why has he cut his parents off for one overheard comment about a woman he's been with for a short amount of time?

Absolute madness.

Your experience of bullying doesn’t mean that you dont need to act like an adult now.Theres so many ways in which you could have handled this better. But if your boyfriend is as black and white on everything you will be in for a tough and lonely time.

His parents don’t know that though, and it wasn’t for your ears anyway. Can you see how badly you’re handling EVERYTHING right now?

In fact, this is so batshit, I can't believe it's actually true.

Im just wondering if some schools have broken up already?!

But dont you see nobody has done anything wrong here?

You're overweight.

Your boyfriend traditionally has not fancied large women, but he surprised himself and others by fancying and falling in love with you.

Your "parents in law" were discussing this behind closed doors, as people do.

Nobody is in the wrong here

Assuming you are fat, they haven't said anything about you that isn't true. I understand it can't have been nice to hear but I'd be more concerned about whatever it is your partner has said/done in the past to make them think he "hates fat women". To cut off all contact with them over this is awful.

It's hard. But maybe consider giving them the chance to apologise.

People sometimes say hurtful and unpleasant stuff but sometimes they lack thought and consideration.

If they are given time to consider what they said they may recognise what they did was very unpleasant and wish to make amends for it.

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

You are both really quite isolated now, aren't you Op? You no longer have close contact with friends or family. He has no contact with his family. Is this what you both want?

Crossed my mind too. The ones who have finished GCSE have nothing to do…

So you overheard a conversation. Packed up and left without an explanation. Never going to see or speak to them ever again, and he’s blocked them? Talk about an over reaction, have you asked him if what they are saying about his preference is true?
Glad my sons are not dating you.

Schools in Scotland broke up at the end of last week...

It is so highly unlikely he will break contact with his family forever more. I’m sorry OP but this is not a family you want as in-laws.

Together you have instigated no contact? Is there some back story with his family for him? Do you live together after only a year?

I think you should end the relationship and move on. Such a load of drama awaits.

I’m sorry I think you and him are being ridiculous. It must have been very hurtful to hear but to skulk away without having a conversation like grown ups is ludicrous, and then him blocking them, it’s just way over the top.

You heard a private conversation and absolutely over reacted.

Comments that are true can also be malicious and unkind. It was rude to talk about OP in that way while she was staying with them and (obviously given what happened) could overhear them.

I do think her boyfriend's reaction is odd though. I would expect him to tell his parents that OP had overheard what they said about her and that she was really upset. If they doubled down, didn't think they had done anything wrong and refused to apologise, he could decide to to put OP first and stop seeing them.

If he can drop his own parents that quickly he can do the same to you.

Massive overreaction and red flag.

I am sorry the parents said something horrible about you and hope you are ok but this is not a keeper

Are you both a bit young / immature? Cutting off parents (without even talking to them) is an utterly ridiculous reaction to a single nasty comment.

What will happen if you and he ever have an argument where harsh words are spoken? Will you immediately stop speaking to each other?

What kind of person blocks their parents with no explanation because of an overheard comment about a girlfriend of less than a year? I would find that a massive red flag actually unless there’s some big drip feed about his past family problems. As the proverb says, eavesdroppers rarely hear any good about themselves. Should they have said it? No, probably not, but they were having a private conversation.

It’s not horrible, the OP has since revealed it’s a fact, and actually framing it as “horrible” is absolutely fattist on your part!

I truly hope you don't ever say anything that upsets your partner because you might find you're the one being unceremoniously blocked next time, with no warning, no opportunity to make things right, no chance to learn and grow from it.
What is his relationship with his parents like apart from this?

What has upset you? The fact his parents noticed you are overweight? Or the fact they were under the impression he didn’t fancy bigger women?

Would you feel differently if they’d said they were surprised you are white, he usually likes black women? Or some other physical difference?

I think you have massively over reacted.

Holy fucking shit. What a seriously mental overreaction to something.
Seriously OP, you are the girlfriend of parental nightmares.

Would you have walked out never to see them again if they said that your dp has always preferred brunettes and were surprised he is with a blonde?

This is a total over reaction and terrible behaviour from both you and your partner - for your partner's lack of loyalty to his parents (unless there's a huge backstory) and for you for saying you never want to see them again and expecting him to comply.

His parents made a throw away remark to the effect that you're not the type of woman he usually goes for. The response from both of you is totally out of proportion and it's likely to put a huge strain on your relationship. You didn't even talk to them about it. You're behaving like teenagers.

Sorry because I understand it was hurtful but you and your DP are both being absolutely ridiculous.

Have you never said anything about anyone that they would have been hurt to overhear? If so you must be a saint.

Are you overweight? If so, perhaps what they said was true, so why was it so terrible of them to say it? Perhaps they went on to say what a lovely person you are, so they could understand why he wasn’t bothered by the weight.

DP is very wrong to cut off his parents just because of that, and you are very wrong to say you will never see them again and encourage him. It’s so childish. It all sounds very dramatic and immature. Just have a conversation with them and tell them how hurt you were. Let them apologise. Then carry on with normal family life.