Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

How overweight are you? Why not do something about it? It obviously bothers you

I think you have both been immature frankly. The adult thing to do would have been to inform them (either on your own or with boyfriend) that you had heard the conversation; that you are aware of your size but that you are also aware of and appreciate your boyfriends/their sons love for you regardless of what you look like.

His cutting them off without any communication is frankly cruel and unnecessary and I struggle to believe that he wasn't just glad to find an excuse to do t. But if he is capable of doing that maybe you should think about whether you really want to be with someone like that!!??

@ninetyninedays Any update.
I assume you have both calmed down by now.

I’m sorry to hear about this situation; however, please keep in mind that these are your partner’s parents, and asking him to block them is a very significant request! How will this affect your relationship with your partner long term.

DD was sunbathing in the garden & I was upstairs in the back bedroom. It was a really random situation where the 3 stooges were gathered in a huddle talking loudly which is what caught my attention.so I saw & heard it all. Apparently my shorts were too short and my tshirt was too revealing - one of them bent forward doing an impression of me bending over and the husband joined in. It went on for a good 10 minutes so they had lots to slag me off for and it was a real sense of amusement to them. DD came running upstairs in tears saying what she'd heard them saying about me & I was stood shaking I was furious. That's just a basic outline - I can't put any more details on here.

They're just very sad, unhappy people. Very overwight telly tubbies and therein lies the problem. The widow bought clothes like mine, had her hair coloured like mine etc etc. She's just one of those miserable f*ckers that seeks any attention she can get and she tells lies to get attention. The other side, they're just bottom feeders - strangely he can now easily be mistaken for my other half - like a clone. 6ft fences have stopped most of the aggro now - they obviously spend a lot of time in their back bedrooms looking through the windows at whatever we do. It's not even interesting but fascinates them for some reason.

How old are you?? You sound like a walking red flag

😂

That's some user name you have.

DD's longterm partner is v overweight - led to much discussion in the family at 1st because DD is v sporty, marathons, gym bunny , long walks etc so couldn't understand what they had in common. Felt like valid concern ( though maybe none of our business) but have come to love and understand personality, soh, etc etc. We weren't being ' fattist' just concerned - their lives are v different. Parents don't deserve to be cut out of DS life for a private comment!

The weight of her son’s partner is none of his mom’s business. She isn’t the one dating her so what’s it to her? That would be a red flag to me if my husband’s mother was that overly involved in our relationship that my weight was even up for discussion. Mothers who think they have a say in their son’s dating life or who want to throw their 2 cents in give me boy mom vibes

What are you on about., Boy mum vibes?!? People have opinions on how other people look, that’s life and it was a private conversation.

Did you read the OP? The mother was relaying that the son had previously said he did not find large women attractive and here he was dating one. You’ve missed the point entirely - it wasn’t even the “mom’s” opinion. And your stuff about “boy mom” vibes is beyond weird. Should “boy moms” not have an opinion on who their offspring bring home? Dear oh dearie me…

1 Why pin this on the mother? The OP used "parents" all through her posts.
2.The opinion belonged to the partner rather than the parents.

Boy mom vibes???

Because a parent has expressed a thought to their partner about one of their children’s partners?

Because my point is why does she care so luck that her son brings home an overweight woman? Like how does that affect her life? Unless her son is bringing home some lazy woman who sits around all day doing nothing or she is a rude person or something but her weight kinda weird to be that invested in it that you are sitting around having conversations about it the fact that it’s even occupying head space

Yes that she’s that emotionally invested in the looks of her son’s partner that she is expressing an opinion about it.

This is one of the most ridiculous posts I’ve ever read - blocked his parents and will never see them again over a comment that they were surprised he was with a fat girl - good lord!!

@MyBusyWriter The OP quotes them as saying: and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.

This suggests to me that their son has previously said that he isn’t attracted to overweight women, hence their surprise that he’s now dating someone overweight.

They’re not invested or devoting undue headspace, they’re simply surprised.

Can’t you do what the rest of us do and spend a life time making passive aggressive comments and looking for reasons not to go to theirs for lunch? I thought that was the fabric of life?

It might be ridiculous but I’ve just seen it on an American news site because it’s in People magazine!

Linky please!

https://people.com/woman-overhears-boyfriends-parents-say-hurtful-comment-11770157

Now it’s on Apple News.

I think ppl forget how toxic and exhausting family can be. Its clear from the comments that most ppl will let their family walk over them out of obligation. Same ones would check someone on the street or a coworker for the same level of disrspect. Parents, and family in general, are still adults that have the ability to behave as the individual they are, despite their relation to you. In adulthood, you have to always put you first, and thats what the boyfriend did. If he blocked his parents so easily, there is probably family trauma there that the girlfriend isnt privy to, since theyre only a year in. The parents could have done alot of toxic things in the past he let slide, now he is putting his foot down. So it probably wasnt the fat comment that got the blocking, but their long term terrible behavior. Because why were they having that conversation in the house about a guests who is present nearby? Behavior like that is only the tip of the iceberg. His girlfriend is now his family and its his job to protect her, not kiss his parents disrespectful behinds. Them talking about her was probably the last straw and when he is ready he will bring the girlfriend up to speed. However, she shouldnt feel guilty about the way her boyfriend chose to respond. Thats his business. And she shouldnt feel guilty about wanting someone to stand up for her, no matter what that looks like. Parents thinks they can do what they want, like their kid isnt an adult. Behavior like that comes at a price.

"First, I would like to apologise for leaving without saying goodbye and giving you an explanation after you went through the effort of hosting me. That was rude of me and I should have known better than that. My mother raised me better than this. Second, without the intention to eavesdrop, I heard you talking about me in a way that made me feel very incomfortable. I have issues with my self esteem from being bullied for my size in the past. It is not an excuse but I was hurt and I acted on emotion. It did not come from a place of maliciousness. I hope you can understand and we can get over this.I will certainly learn from this and I can see that I have some growing up to do. I would like us all to have a strong relationship moving forward, I know how important you are for my partner and I respect this about him. Best wishes, OP"