Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

If this is how you both react over a flippant conversation, then the PIL are probably thanking their lucky starts right now that you have blocked them! You both sound unhinged!

How fat are you? A little bit overweight or very fat (I'm very fat)? because if it's the latter and he really has commented on not fancying fat girls I'm not surprised they have commented on it.

Come on, OP. These are his parents. He just blanked and blocked for something so insignificant (I agree that it must have been very hurtful, but this was a private conversation between them - they're not going to be all tactful and PC in a private observation) on your say so? Statistically speaking you two might not even be an item forever. He sounds extremely immature.

Oh my goodness - can you imagine if everyone suffered these consequences for their private thoughts?! There is no way we haven’t ALL said a private unkind word about another person. We have eyes and minds and they think things such as ‘tall, short, fat, skinny.’ I’m not even entirely sure them saying, privately to each other, that their son usually prefers slimmer women is unkind. It sounds more factual?! I once overheard my husband’s (then boyfriend) friend say they thought I was the flavour of the month and we’d be breaking up soon. I thought it was funny and told him - then we carried on enjoying ourselves!

ETA: Let’s hope you don’t one day get overheard saying an uncomplimentary observation about your child’s partner! You sound a bit vicious tbh…

Are you trying to “punish” his parents because you were bullied at school/etc? Because your (over) reaction is totally beyond reasonable, and the whole “they won’t know what they did wrong/it lets them off the hook” is very bizarre.

So you literally took your ball and went home.

OP what they said wasn’t okay but you both acted like complete children.

You needed to tell them you overheard what they said and it was hurtful and disrespectful.

Think about how you would feel if you were a parent and your kid just blocked you for no reason (yes I know there is a reason but they don’t know there is a reason).

You need to tell them why.

You've been with him less than a year and you've already left all your family and friends to live with him
Wow! Nuts!

His parents said that he doesn't normally date fat women and you've now refused to see them again
Wow! Nuts!

If you're fat and he doesn't normally date fat women .....what in gods name have the parents done wrong?

And he's blocked his own parents for being (I assume) factual?

Jesus ! You are both fucking loopy!

That’s a very good point. What hook should they be on, OP, for stating a fact?

I'm not even sure what they said wasn't okay (if any of this is real). They thought they were talking privately, and all they did was express their surprise that he was dating her because he'd never liked fat women.

I want him to tell his parents, that’s what this post was about because he has not spoken to them about it and just blocked them.
What I overheard was one asking the other what they thought of me and of the 100s of things to comment on that was all they could say.
He’s 22 and can make his own decisions about who he sees and doesn’t see I just said I don’t need to know people like that.

It's a massive overreaction. Dh and I were discussing dds new boyfriend last night and dh said something along the lines of he was surprised she picked him as she usually goes for idiots. I think it's normal discussion for parents when meeting a partner. The problem is that you heard it.

I think I'd be a bit worried about why he overreacted so much. It sounds like there may be some truth in what they said but just because he has a usual 'type' it doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive.

Why can't you talk to his parents? Are you 13? 🙄

People who observe their son is dating someone outside their historic type?

What did they do wrong? They were having a private conversation about how you're not his usual type.

Exactly this

And were they saying it in a nasty way, or just an observation about their son?

You need to get over yourself OP, amd fast.

If you dont and you continue to project your insecurities onto the world around you, you are going to find life a very tough and unfulfilled experience.

You both sound over dramatic OP- him far more than you. Of course he will speak to his parents again, how silly and impulsive of him. The fact is if you are overweight, then you are overweight. They are saying nothing you don’t already know even though it’s hurtful. If all his ex girlfriends have been very slim and he’s been nasty about bigger people then this will be a turnaround for him and one that will invite comment.

O don't often swear but Fuck Me.

They're his parents, they worry about him and are entitled to wonder about why he's gone for someone so different this time. It could even be that he's matured to a pint where looks don't matter so much or he's seen something special in you despite you not being his usual type. They're entitled to discuss it.

I'm amazed he agreed to leave, and you should be feeling bad that he's cut them off. TBH though, I'd be really worried that he's the kind of person who would do that. How many chances will you get if your behaviour falls short?

I read that as histrionic 😅

It was a private conversation not meant for your ears, not nice but not evil either. You & partner are ridiculous to have cut contact for this incident on its own.

Ridiculous. They were merely stating a fact that they were surprised he is with an overweight woman as his previous girlfriends have not been.

Whilst you might have felt an upset at overheating it the facts are that you are overweight and his previous partners have been.

Factual statements.

I'd be thinking he's cut them off so that they can't confirm your very rational sense that they said it because it's something that he's said in the past. They can't have fantasised the idea that he 'hates fat women' out of nowhere. But just because he's said dumb things in the past, doesn't mean he can't have grown up and fallen in love with you for who you are. Surely it's better to have the conversation and get past this fall-out, especially as it's not them saying what they thought of your looks, it's about what they think your DP's views were, so while it's horrible and hurtful that they said that and you had to hear it, it's different to it being their opinion and needs unpicking in a calm way if possible.

This blocking business and never seeing them again is all a bit OTT dramatic and not very wise if your relationship is a long-term prospect. How a DP treats his parents can be a foreshadow of how he could treat you, so it'd be better to model some mature communication rather than blaming it all on them and not dealing with the real issue.

You can’t seriously believe that you two are going to have a long term relationship, marriage, children, illness, old age and years and years of the every day life stuff, when this has happened at the first hurdle. it’s ridiculous.

His parents had a conversation that millions of people have every day with their mates, and colleagues and family. Be a grown up and talk to his parents yourself if you are that hurt, and let’s hope your boyfriend comes to his senses and ditches this whole not talking to them nonsense.

The pair of you need to grow up. His parents are likely to be around around a lot longer then your relationship is likely to last. You don’t need to teach them a lesson, there is no lesson to learn. They’ve not actually done anything wrong.

You say you don’t want to know “people like that” Do you mean people with eyes?

You acknowledge that you are overweight. They noticed and commented between them that their son usually fancied slimmer women. I genuinely can’t see what they have done wrong, and I have been fat for most of my life.

Jesus Christ, you overheard a private conversation two people had in their own house and have coerced your partner into cutting ties with his family. Yes it wasn't nice but they weren't slating your character. They said you were fat. Are you fat OP? Because if you are then they were right. And from what I've read here if they said you were childish emotionally immature and manipulative they would be right too.