Disappointed in husband’s reaction to pregnancy test

[Weejayy]

Hi all,

I (30f) was sitting on my sofa this morning researching TTC and had just taken a pregnancy test because my period is late.
My husband (30m) walks in says good morning and sits down.
he says ‘oh wow, it’s already the third of July. Time goes so fast.’
i say ‘can you read this pregnancy test, I can’t tell if it’s negative.’
he says (no joke) ‘oh what a nice lamp.’
I’m confused and go ‘can you please read the pregnancy test?’
he says ‘that’s nice embroidery’ (on the cushion)
I’m like wth? So I say ‘you don’t care about the pregnancy test?’
he says ‘no, the pregnancy isn’t important. I said something and you ignored it.’
i go ‘what did you say?’
he storms out and says I treat him badly.

I came back this afternoon from work and he acted like nothing is wrong. Meanwhile, I’m seething. I’m pretty sure the test was negative, will check again tomorrow but I’m so angry. What if that had been me telling him I was pregnant?

For context, we’ve been ttc for 3 years now. Had an early miscarriage at 8 weeks in September last year and a late (16 week) miscarriage in May this year. He was always like ‘oh that’s cool’ when I told him about the first one, and a bit cautious but happy about the second one when I told him I was pregnant.

I find this reaction a bit much though. I get he wanted me to say something about time going fast but to completely dismiss a pregnancy test over it? Am I being unreasonable?

What about, can't be sure, can't wait to see what shows either way, hug?

he's telling you something best to listen to him.

I mean he is telling you how not interested he is in in you being pregnant - your alarm bells are ringing for good reason

It sounds as if he is worrying and can't bring himself to make out the results of the pregnancy test , due to your two previous miscarriages , the latest being very recent .

As for his odd reaction to you not replying , forget it, just one of those things . He thought you were ignoring him and you thought the same .

I'm sorry for your losses @Weejayy

The comments about the lamp and embroidery were to get your attention as they are so left field. But yes, he is an immature man so don't have a baby with him.

He sounds like a total bell end.

He's being unreasonable, as the comment he made about the date/time passing didn't require a response. And you didn't ignore him, you did speak to him about something else which as far as you knew was extremely important to both of you (if you've been TTC for three years). I also would not be thrilled with him saying no, the pregnancy isn’t important. It may not have been vital to look at the pregnancy TEST at that exact moment rather than waiting a few, but the pregnancy itself better be very important to him or it shouldn't be happening.

Does he normally make absolutely everything about him?

No no, that’s you. Fgs.

Were you really incapable of checking the test yourself OP? It seems a but like you wanted him running around after you while you ignored him. Would make me grumpy too.

Maybe you both just need time out from ttc.

Being upset about you not responding to what date it is sounds really strange. Are you sure this date isn't significant for him? Birthday or anniversary of a deceased relative maybe?
He may have some unresolved loss from the miscarriages too and be anxious about looking at a pregnancy test. My friend was terrified doing a pregnancy test after a miscarriage and cried (not happy tears) when it was positive because it stirred up so much anxiety and loss.

I think this was OP's way of trying to get him interested in something he literally couldn't give a shit about and what actually annoys and irritates him.

So sad to see a woman thinking her significant other is on the same page when he is so clearly not.

Surely after this long you can read a pregnancy test?

Great comment

As someone who also took 3 years to conceive with DH I know the impact it can have on a relationship. I think pp are being too harsh.

Also, I mean this kindly, obsessing over dates and googling the test results isn't going to help you or your relationship. When you're pregnant you'll know and a test will rarely be an ambiguous result

Id be a bit peeved also if you'd not bothered to reply to my good morning and then started on pregnancy tests .

He's an arsehole! People get distracted all the time and he seems to narcissistically need every single inane thing he says to be validated and answered. I mean, who does that? He seems very strange. If you were that distracted surely he would have known it was something important.

And you could have been giving him the stick to see a positive test as a way of announcing it to him, for all he knew. He wasn't at all interested. You'd think he'd be really interested. But he wasn't in the slightest interested.

He doesn't want a pregnancy or baby. Tbh I'd leave him and find a decent man to have a child with. What a cold, narcissistic, dull and uninterested man he is. You deserve better than that. Any woman deserves better than that. That he thinks his inane "it's July 3 already" comment is more important than a possible pregnancy and he holds against you that "it's July 3 already" holds higher weight shows he's a fucking fruitcake!

Better than yours my love 😘

He may have mentioned how fast the time has gone meaning is it time to test again already? If your last miscarriage was only a few weeks ago in May he may be still traumatised from seeing you go through a 16 week miscarriage and fear seeing you go through it again, men can feel very useless watching their wife go through these things and no one really asks how they are coping, they only ask the lady. I learnt that from listening to a male friend who was hiding his very sad feelings about a miscarriage from his wife as he was trying to support her and be the strong one.

Just a thought worth considering.. Mentioning the date and it being test day may bring up feelings of fear or greif for him, its probably not because he isn't interested, far from it. Sorry for your loss

Sounds like he might be a bit fed up/frustrated that everything is revolving around TTC. We had nearly 2 years TTC, and I remember my DH rolling his eyes when I went to get a pregnancy test on our weekly shop. Think he was just done in with my life revolving around a possible pregnancy. If you have a normally good and healthy relationship, I’d cut him some slack and maybe sit down and have a chat. I’d suggest apologise for blanking him when he walked in, and explain that you’re just stressed about not knowing if your pregnant this month

Thanks for all the messages! Bit overwhelmed at how many replies I’ve received!

I apologised for not responding to his 3rd of July comment, thanks to those who suggested I swallow my pride. For those asking, it isn’t an important date, just him saying time has gone by quickly.

We had a chat, he said he was sad about the MCs too and he’s sad I’m not pregnant. He was just so upset about the fact that I hadn’t replied to his comment that he didn’t want to engage in any other discussion, no matter what it’s about.

I’ve calmed down now. To those wondering if I can’t read a pregnancy test. I got those cheap dip ones and sometimes I can’t tell if it’s a faint line or a shadow (it’s the hope, you know?). Tmi also but I bled for 6 weeks after the miscarriage and it ended with my period so knowing the exact first day of a period isn’t always straightforward after a loss.

Anyway, thanks for your input. Have a good weekend when it comes x

He was just so upset about the fact that I hadn’t replied to his comment that he didn’t want to engage in any other discussion, no matter what it’s about.

You get that this is insane, right? This isn’t normal behaviour.

ForZanyAquaViewer

Don't be daft it's completely normal to be miffed if someone ignores you! 🙄

Why are you exaggerating it? Are you one who screeches LTB at the drop of a hat? Not enough Drama to entertain you?

To be so miffed that someone ignores a throwaway comment that you ignore everything they say afterwards, regardless of seriousness? No, it is not.

I’m neither screeching nor exaggerating. The person who seems overwrought is you.

How on earth can you this is perfectly normal behaviour? Is this how you behave, so you’re looking to justify it? As it’s really really not okay.

Agreed. Communication should be easy between partners, not “NO, I’ve said a sentence, respond to my sentence then you can say your sentence”