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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lily Allen ‘can’t remember’ how many abortions she’s had

820 replies

blossoming56 · 03/07/2025 08:05

Article in the Fail today about this.
I am pro choice but it did make me a bit uncomfortable. After a while a string of abortions - too many to remember - would surely leave its mark physically and emotionally not mention the cost on the NHS.
Everyone should have a choice but is there not an element of personal responsibility to just take precautions after the first few times?!

OP posts:
Chungai · 03/07/2025 08:30

When I was younger I became friends someone who used abortion as a type of birth control. It made me feel sad, because I felt her reasons for doing it were based not in the best choices for her but in very poor self esteem and not wanting to inconvenience the random men she slept with by asking to use condoms (not partners, so they wouldn't have been aware). She had lost count, but in her early 20s I think it had been more than 11 or 12 times. She was vulnerable, and ultimately it was I imagine best she didn't have those children.

PalePinkPeony · 03/07/2025 08:31

Upsetbetty · 03/07/2025 08:22

THIS! It’s her choice! She can do what she likes and she doesn’t have to explain or justify to anybody that’s the point!!!! She can do what she likes and see what she likes about her choices. It’s not up for discussion. What makes you think it is @blossoming56

Show quote history

Jesus. Who made you mumsnet police. It’s up for discussion unless the mods say otherwise. Sit down or move along.

TwinsTrollsAndHunz · 03/07/2025 08:31

I'll start by saying that I am pro-choice. I used to provide abortion care and there would be questions over why a woman was returning for multiple terminations. There would be concerns around her current contraception regime and how it could be improved (is the method not working for her and if not, why not?), concerns around her safety (is she being coerced into pregnancy?). There would be concerns about her mental wellbeing both re the potential impact of multiple terminations (though some women find it significantly less traumatic than others), and in terms of the potential underlying causes for the repeated unplanned pregnancies.

How many times a woman accesses legally available healthcare is not for the general public to scold her and gossip about.

ClairDeLaLune · 03/07/2025 08:32

SummerEve · 03/07/2025 08:27

The minute she gave a voluntary account to the press it became up for discussion.

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^ this.

I think it’s really sad that someone would get themselves in this position so many times then attention-seek by discussing it in the media.

BlushingBrightly · 03/07/2025 08:33

Lavender14 · 03/07/2025 08:26

I think either you are pro-choice and you accept a womans right to make medical decisions about her body full stop, and trust that women will make the right decision for themselves at each point in their lives, or you aren't.

I think you need to unpick WHY you feel so uncomfortable given you know nothing of her circumstances or how far along she was at each time etc. If we genuinely think that abortion is a safe and appropriate procedure to end a pregnancy and avoid labour then does it actually matter how many anyone has had? Or is it coming from the myths and stereotypes that exist around abortion, and women who have abortions, that there's something inherently 'bad' about it. Which also begs the (hypothetical) question, how many abortions are too many abortions.

In terms of not being sure how many, not all women attach the same level of significance to an early pregnancy or abortion and see it as a clear cut decision and don't think about it after much. Some women are vulnerable either due to age/exploitation/ addiction/ mental health and may need multiple as a result of that. If you're uncomfortable because you're concerned for the health of the woman after x number of abortions then surely that's between her and her doctor and her medical notes.

As for Lily Allen I think fair play to her, she's smart enough to know she'll catch heat for this but has decided to be open about it anyway. I'm not going to debate her specific circumstances (nor do I think should anyone) until they've been in her specific shoes.

If it was as black and white as this, there would be no time limits on abortion, would there? Abortion on demand the day before your due date, anyone? Ridiculous. There's always a question of where to draw the line. So don't make out that people are anti choice - I'm pro choice by the way -unless they support it wholeheartedly in every and all circumstances without ever asking questions or expressing any doubts. Such sanctimonious replies to the OP on here.

Lavender14 · 03/07/2025 08:33

SummerEve · 03/07/2025 08:27

The minute she gave a voluntary account to the press it became up for discussion.

Show quote history

I think there's a difference between sharing something personal and saying that facilitating a debate onsomeone's medical history is now fair game simply because they're in the public eye and they've made one comment about their medical history. There's a very clear difference to my mind.

ClairDeLaLune · 03/07/2025 08:34

Itchytoe · 03/07/2025 08:11

On what planet would you think something like this is reasonable to have an AIBU natter about it.

you didn’t need to mention her name.

This is someone’s life.

Edited

Someone’s life that she’s chosen to talk about in the media thereby attracting attention and comments.

KPPlumbing · 03/07/2025 08:34

I don't care if she's discussing having abortions or suffering from piles. My only thought is "Stop oversharing, you embarrassing teenager".

YouHaveAnArse · 03/07/2025 08:34

PalePinkPeony · 03/07/2025 08:27

I agree with you OP. Think it’s wrong and even if not true, a wrong message to be sending out to younger girls / teens. People have no morals / shame or responsibility though these days.
Slightly different note but As a woman, I am appalled / sad about what I see recently on social media from other women. Some stuff on insta for example makes me feel very depressed.

Teens don't give a shit about what Lily Allen has to say. She is irrelevant to them.

Notopel · 03/07/2025 08:34

PalePinkPeony · 03/07/2025 08:27

I agree with you OP. Think it’s wrong and even if not true, a wrong message to be sending out to younger girls / teens. People have no morals / shame or responsibility though these days.
Slightly different note but As a woman, I am appalled / sad about what I see recently on social media from other women. Some stuff on insta for example makes me feel very depressed.

Shame? A lot of children are a result of failed contraception. Should those parents feel shame that there’s walking evidence of their lack of morality? The only shame here is that abortion is still so difficult to access. Even in the age of pills by post. Women should not be having unwanted children. If the answer to that is abortion, then I see no problem. The alternative is far worse.

KateMiskin · 03/07/2025 08:34

Honestly, I don't care..Better than 5 unwanted babies.

simsbustinoutmimi · 03/07/2025 08:34

Classy girl (Lily I mean)

MemorableTrenchcoat · 03/07/2025 08:35

AmadeustheAlpaca · 03/07/2025 08:25

Oops posted too soon. All the slagging off of the Daily Mail on Mumsnet is so tiresome. Lots of posters quote an article from it, then apologise, refer to it as Daily Fail, yawn. Just be up front about your reading material. So what if someone reads the Daily Mail, who cares, just stop apologising about it.

Why? It’s full of sensationalist articles, designed to whip its readers up into a frenzy about immigrants/cyclists/progressive politicians/renewable energy/benefit claimants/electric vehicles etc etc. Plus endless gossipy articles about celebrities. It is so tiresome, and people should feel free to slag it off as much as they want.

pelargoniums · 03/07/2025 08:35

PalePinkPeony · 03/07/2025 08:27

I agree with you OP. Think it’s wrong and even if not true, a wrong message to be sending out to younger girls / teens. People have no morals / shame or responsibility though these days.
Slightly different note but As a woman, I am appalled / sad about what I see recently on social media from other women. Some stuff on insta for example makes me feel very depressed.

Abortion isn’t immoral or something to be ashamed about; Lily Allen discussing her abortions isn’t immoral or something to be ashamed about. As for responsibilities – what could be more responsible than aborting an unwanted pregnancy? No, smart alecks,the answer isn’t “contraception” – that’s what you do to prevent the pregnancy. Once you’re pregnant and don’t want to be, abortion is a responsible choice. (A choice, not the only choice, let women do whatever they want with their bodies including talking about those choices without judgement.)

arcticpandas · 03/07/2025 08:36

So what? She admits to being messed up at the time which explains it. I rather messed up people had multiple abortions than having multiple births and neglecting/abusing those children. As a former social worker I have seen this too many times. And it seems to be hard to break the cycle: teen mum having children she doesn't know how to take care of who then grow up having children they can't take care of. It's heartbreaking for everyone involved.

Jennps · 03/07/2025 08:37

Itchytoe · 03/07/2025 08:11

On what planet would you think something like this is reasonable to have an AIBU natter about it.

you didn’t need to mention her name.

This is someone’s life.

Edited

Are you new here? Do you not know how AIBU works?

SummerEve · 03/07/2025 08:38

Lavender14 · 03/07/2025 08:33

I think there's a difference between sharing something personal and saying that facilitating a debate onsomeone's medical history is now fair game simply because they're in the public eye and they've made one comment about their medical history. There's a very clear difference to my mind.

Show quote history

I don’t think there is in this case. She knew this would happen when she chose to participate in the relevant conversation on a podcast.

Lavender14 · 03/07/2025 08:39

BlushingBrightly · 03/07/2025 08:33

If it was as black and white as this, there would be no time limits on abortion, would there? Abortion on demand the day before your due date, anyone? Ridiculous. There's always a question of where to draw the line. So don't make out that people are anti choice - I'm pro choice by the way -unless they support it wholeheartedly in every and all circumstances without ever asking questions or expressing any doubts. Such sanctimonious replies to the OP on here.

Show quote history

In the UK we have abortion up to 23 weeks and after that when it's deemed medically necessary and a mother's life is at risk.

"Abortion on demand the day before your due date, anyone? Ridiculous" So really this is a non issue. We know that late stage abortions are very rare and usually extremely painful decisions to make and medically recommended so your comment comes across as scare mongering and tbh is exactly the type of flippancy that suggests there should be a mistrust of women accessing abortion and their motives should be questioned. The reality doesn't lend to this at all.

Jennps · 03/07/2025 08:40

She is an attention seeker since she has not real talent or anything to be famous for.

Anyone who thinks bragging about multiple abortions is a flex, is a bit sad and pathetic.

That said, she probably didn’t have them anyway. Probably making it up for publicity

Soulfulunfurling · 03/07/2025 08:41

Just when you think the bar couldn’t possibly sink any lower…

Soulfulunfurling · 03/07/2025 08:42

It’s such a sensitive subject op and you sound glib and flippant mentioning it in the way you did. There are other ways to talk about multiple terminations, if that is a serious concern of yours.

echt · 03/07/2025 08:44

Soulfulunfurling · 03/07/2025 08:41

Just when you think the bar couldn’t possibly sink any lower…

I take it you mean the OP.

Pennyplant19 · 03/07/2025 08:44

KPPlumbing · 03/07/2025 08:34

I don't care if she's discussing having abortions or suffering from piles. My only thought is "Stop oversharing, you embarrassing teenager".

This!!!

Onleemoi · 03/07/2025 08:46

Pro Choice doesn’t come with a but.

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