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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lily Allen ‘can’t remember’ how many abortions she’s had

820 replies

blossoming56 · 03/07/2025 08:05

Article in the Fail today about this.
I am pro choice but it did make me a bit uncomfortable. After a while a string of abortions - too many to remember - would surely leave its mark physically and emotionally not mention the cost on the NHS.
Everyone should have a choice but is there not an element of personal responsibility to just take precautions after the first few times?!

OP posts:
WhatALightbulbMoment · 03/07/2025 08:46

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 03/07/2025 08:28

Has it occurred to you that its deeply personal and probably not something she wants to delve into so has a flippant response to questions.

Fml how as women are we still tearing each other down in shit like this?!

It's not deeply personal if she mentions it in an interview.

I don't agree with "she can do whatever she likes and no one's allowed to judge" either. There is nothing wrong with judging an adult (I'm including all male partners here) incapable of using contraception correctly. If you're too lazy to use contraception, then you're not mature enough to have sex.

mydogisthebest · 03/07/2025 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PalePinkPeony · 03/07/2025 08:46

Notopel · 03/07/2025 08:34

Shame? A lot of children are a result of failed contraception. Should those parents feel shame that there’s walking evidence of their lack of morality? The only shame here is that abortion is still so difficult to access. Even in the age of pills by post. Women should not be having unwanted children. If the answer to that is abortion, then I see no problem. The alternative is far worse.

Show quote history

Surely stopping the pregnancy before it’s happened by the many other means should be far more promoted? STD’s no issue either I suppose?!
As I say, lack of morals and shame that’s getting steadily worse as the years go on. People freely giving their body away to anyone with internet access, discussing and promoting private acts to the entire world, fucking anything that moves with no thought or consequences. Makes me feel pretty sick / sad the way things are going from what appears on socials.

LadyKenya · 03/07/2025 08:47

ChatPDQ · 03/07/2025 08:18

If you read the article she referred to (at least 1) boyfriend paying, so your cost to the NHS comment is misguided.

It’s interesting this is focused on her, and not all her partners who it seems (at least some) were aware. There is no judgement on them.

The fact of the matter is that it is not, however many partners she has had, who have to physically go through the act of an abortion is it? Something was obviously not working for her, it would seem.

GreenGully · 03/07/2025 08:47

I am pro choice but using abortion as a form of contraception is irresponsible and disgusting. If you can't remember how many abortions you've had, you have fell into the latter category.

Wishing14 · 03/07/2025 08:48

I think it’s a symptom of a chaotic lifestyle and being/ feeling messed up. But I think abortion is more significant than some people like to think it is. And it can affect you deeply and for your whole life, which you may not understand as a young woman / girl. So we should be careful how we talk about it. Especially with a platform like Lily’s.

PalePinkPeony · 03/07/2025 08:48

Onleemoi · 03/07/2025 08:46

Pro Choice doesn’t come with a but.

Every choice comes with a ‘but’!

CurlewKate · 03/07/2025 08:48

WhatALightbulbMoment · 03/07/2025 08:46

It's not deeply personal if she mentions it in an interview.

I don't agree with "she can do whatever she likes and no one's allowed to judge" either. There is nothing wrong with judging an adult (I'm including all male partners here) incapable of using contraception correctly. If you're too lazy to use contraception, then you're not mature enough to have sex.

Show quote history

Yes- that’s the Anti Choice position.

dontgetmestartedwillu · 03/07/2025 08:49

Lavender14 · 03/07/2025 08:26

I think either you are pro-choice and you accept a womans right to make medical decisions about her body full stop, and trust that women will make the right decision for themselves at each point in their lives, or you aren't.

I think you need to unpick WHY you feel so uncomfortable given you know nothing of her circumstances or how far along she was at each time etc. If we genuinely think that abortion is a safe and appropriate procedure to end a pregnancy and avoid labour then does it actually matter how many anyone has had? Or is it coming from the myths and stereotypes that exist around abortion, and women who have abortions, that there's something inherently 'bad' about it. Which also begs the (hypothetical) question, how many abortions are too many abortions.

In terms of not being sure how many, not all women attach the same level of significance to an early pregnancy or abortion and see it as a clear cut decision and don't think about it after much. Some women are vulnerable either due to age/exploitation/ addiction/ mental health and may need multiple as a result of that. If you're uncomfortable because you're concerned for the health of the woman after x number of abortions then surely that's between her and her doctor and her medical notes.

As for Lily Allen I think fair play to her, she's smart enough to know she'll catch heat for this but has decided to be open about it anyway. I'm not going to debate her specific circumstances (nor do I think should anyone) until they've been in her specific shoes.

With all due respect but why should pro-choice mean that all sense is thrown out of the window, and the subject being taboo? This polarisation on a range of topics is lazy and not helpful.

For an adult (woman) to fail sorting out contraception which then results in 4-5 abortions is clearly bonkers and really shouldn't happen.

I'm massively pro-choice but it doesn't mean that people should take no accountability for their own actions (or, in this case, inactions).

InterestedBeing · 03/07/2025 08:50

May have paid for them privately. The NHS does have a limit.

One of my colleague's sisters was like that and after her fourth abortion they told her no. She now has a two year old.

Pro choice is a complete misnomer. You have to get a doctor to agree to do it. It's not your choice at the end of the day and they take a medical decision

GreenGully · 03/07/2025 08:50

KateMiskin · 03/07/2025 08:34

Honestly, I don't care..Better than 5 unwanted babies.

But not as good as 5 easily prevented babies.

Wishing14 · 03/07/2025 08:50

I don’t think there are only two positions- you’re either for or against pro choice - either. Life is more complicated than that.

AutumnFog · 03/07/2025 08:51

nomas · 03/07/2025 08:18

is there not an element of personal responsibility to just take precautions after the first few times?!

You make it sound like she’s had dozens, she said it was ‘around 4 or 5 times’.

Wouldn’t having those babies have cost the NHS more?

Show quote history

4 or 5 is a lot. Not from a cost point of view (presumably they were early so it's just some medication) but there is still a medical risk with them.
I would be concerned about what's leading to it repeatedly happening - MH? Dysfunctional relationship/pressure in that? And whether that issue was properly supported.
Its not typical to accidentally get pregnant 4 or 5 times.

Matronic6 · 03/07/2025 08:52

Itchytoe · 03/07/2025 08:15

And so you thought

Let’s have a good natter about it on AIBU

Show quote history

I don't get this. She has shared it openly with the press. It has only been reported because she herself shared it. Of course people are going to talk about it. It is a subject that people have very different views on and are allowed to express them. That's the nature of free speech.

MaryGreenhill · 03/07/2025 08:52

Couldn't care less tbh , it's nothing to do with anyone .

rainbowsparkle28 · 03/07/2025 08:52

Itchytoe · 03/07/2025 08:11

On what planet would you think something like this is reasonable to have an AIBU natter about it.

you didn’t need to mention her name.

This is someone’s life.

Edited

She openly said this on her own podcast. It is not private information.

Britneyfan · 03/07/2025 08:54

@SummerEve I totally agree, she is a figure in the public eye and nobody is forcing her to talk about this subject which I’m sure she is fully aware is likely to attract attention and discussion. I thought the first few responses were so odd and wondered did they not realise she is a celebrity and not some random person whose name is being unnecessarily splashed around everywhere! She has also talked about it rather flippantly, though as someone else has mentioned this could well be a coping mechanism. But it’s possible she genuinely feels it is no big deal too.

Personally I am more on the pro-life side of things though I recognise it is a nuanced topic. I will say that I am a GP and women having multiple terminations like this isn’t super common, and usually happens in young women due to a chaotic lifestyle with factors such as previous child abuse/neglect, domestic abuse, mental health issues, addiction issues, untreated ADHD etc. She did say she has now got a coil and has done for a long time to avoid this recurring so at least she has matured and got on top of things. I’ve only ever met one person who seemed to genuinely see a string of terminations as an alternative to contraception without obvious issues in the mix, and she was also very young at the time.

Even though I feel very differently to Lily Allen on this particular topic, I have always kind of admired her outspokenness in general, and willingness to not conform to society’s norms TBH. I think she is brave to speak about this.

GRex · 03/07/2025 08:54

There isn't such a thing as "pro choice but". Either you understand that a few cells is part of the human they are in (before 7 weeks remember there isn't even a brain nor nerves, and before 24 weeks it's usually impossible for a foetus to survive outside the womb), or you believe those few cells are an independent person with a right to life greater than that of the human growing the cells who doesn't want to.

In my view, it's her body and so it's entirely her choice.

Almostwelsh · 03/07/2025 08:54

She's just telling everyone this for attention. It's very possible it's not even true. I don't really care how many abortions she's had from a moral point of view, but it does make her look very incapable and disorganised. It's not like she didn't have access to contraception and she is educated and wealthy so some of the common barriers to healthcare don't apply to her.

Secretsquirels · 03/07/2025 08:55

My view of this is that women whose lives are so challenging/chaotic/abusive etc that they repeatedly get pregnant accidentally are the exact women who should have the easiest, most accessible, least judgmental access to abortion. If you don’t have the capacity/executive function/freedom to prevent pregnancy you are absolutely not in the right place to raise a child.

AutumnFog · 03/07/2025 08:55

InterestedBeing · 03/07/2025 08:50

May have paid for them privately. The NHS does have a limit.

One of my colleague's sisters was like that and after her fourth abortion they told her no. She now has a two year old.

Pro choice is a complete misnomer. You have to get a doctor to agree to do it. It's not your choice at the end of the day and they take a medical decision

There's no limit to the amount of abortions a woman can have on the NHS.
Likely that her sister was worried about reactions for some reason so lied to make it sound like keeping it wasn't a choice.

InterestedBeing · 03/07/2025 08:55

GRex · 03/07/2025 08:54

There isn't such a thing as "pro choice but". Either you understand that a few cells is part of the human they are in (before 7 weeks remember there isn't even a brain nor nerves, and before 24 weeks it's usually impossible for a foetus to survive outside the womb), or you believe those few cells are an independent person with a right to life greater than that of the human growing the cells who doesn't want to.

In my view, it's her body and so it's entirely her choice.

You don't understand the abortion act. Or the law surrounding it.

Pro choice is a complete misnomer. It's never your body.Your choice.Look at the law.

AnchorWHAT · 03/07/2025 08:56

Wonder how this could affect her kids, knowing there were potential siblings unwanted and knowing they were the ones that were kept, seems a bit of a headfuck to me.

MyWorthyPlayer · 03/07/2025 08:56

Tf do you care? We have enough people on earth as is and too many unwanted children neglected. It's her embryos and her body.

KateMiskin · 03/07/2025 08:57

GreenGully · 03/07/2025 08:50

But not as good as 5 easily prevented babies.

Show quote history

Well, if it were my DD, I would have a word with her about contraception and be concerned about her MH.
But big picture, I still think it's a better choice.
Every other day there is a post on MN about some 17-year-old with no job or support having a baby and dumping it on grandma to look after. I'd prefer 5 abortions to that