AIBU to be angry at my 19 year old daughter

[JustSamantha]

So my daughter finished college last month
she never tried at college always skipped lessons failed most her units and she was on her last warning or else she would get kicked off the course she did her last unit and they said if she doesn’t get the highest points in this unit she’s failed the whole 2 year course. She’s yet to receive the results

so she doesn’t have a job, she’s not enrolled on the apprenticeship she so badly wanted to do after college saying she can’t get into one and even if she did it won’t start until February next year

she does NOTHING all day, lies on bed all day and comes down and demands from me ‘what’s for dinner ‘ ‘ what’s for tea’
the only time she leaves the house is to see her boyfriend or friends

she leaves her cutlery bowls plates cups in her and her sisters room leaves rottten food bags of rubbish and I’ve asked her to move this stuff and wash her plates and she’s completely disregards me and I end up moving and washing it

I resent her massively and it’s all her own fault. I thought when they get older you can relax on parenting them but she’s 19 and I still hav to baby her

she has no income so I said she needs to apply for UC but she wants me to do it for her

I don’t work at the moment due to having young children plus being a carer for my mum and I’m struggling massively financially might have to visit food banks this week but I’m still getting out of bed and being constructive, she isn’t she sits in bed ALL DAY

i know ppl will say oh she’s probably depressed well so Is a lot of people and they still live life as best they can she can’t be that depressed if she goes out with her boyfriend and friends

shes just announced that she wants to go for a drive as her boyfriend is driving his brothers car and the drive is at 1.30 am in the morning !! And she said she will come back early hours I told her you’re not disturbing me and your siblings ( me and my 2 youngest sleep in the dining room as a bedroom as the upstairs rooms are occupied by my other kids. She said oh I’ll take the spare key that’s not the point !!!
so coz I said she’s not doing that under my door she started throwing stuff trashing the hall
way

I’ve had enough

am I being unreasonable ??

This is an adult we are talking about she either gets a job, claims benefits or adults in her life stop funding her. Her father sounds fed up with her behaviour. Sit down make a plan and tell her the excuses stop. She won’t change unless you are clear with what she needs to do.

You take the prize OP.
I have never seen a poster be so negative about other's comments, ever.

@Pricelessadvice said nothing wrong. She made no criticism of you in any way, but immediately you snapped back at her, listing your woes in a sarcastic tone. You even invented stuff she never said.
Yeah well, good luck with that attitude.

Yes but he doesn’t have to suffer financially in to the mean time does he
wild that isn’t it

And this is what I don’t get on here
if I dare say I’m fed up with her behaviour I’m told I’m not being supportive and a bad mum but her dad is allowed to be fed up with her behaviour

But she lives with you, you posted in AIBU, yes you sound fed up by her in your original post but the amount of time you have posted in response to people could have been spent with your daughter researching apprenticiships, filling in the UC. You seem determined to read more into everything than what practical advice people are offering. No one is attacking you stop being so reactionary.

I’ve just spoken to her and she said she really wants to do an apprenticeship in pharmacy, she said she’s contacted several pharmacies via email asking if they are doing any sort of schemes. Does anyone know where she can go to look into this further and that ? She said they’ve not responded

Pharmacy is definitely listed. Level 2

https://www.findapprenticeship.service.gov.uk/apprenticeships?searchTerm=Pharmacy&sort=AgeAsc

go onto the gov apprenticeship site look at pharmacy jobs to get an idea of what they require. It’s good she has an interest but UC would offer her a job coach who can signpost these sort of things and keep momentum going.

You're really going to put yourself in a worse financial position because a load of people you never met and really dislike were mean about you...? Don't be silly. Tell her to submit a claim by the end of the day and start applying for jobs.

You have the Signposting. A thank you would have been nice.

I was looking at the link and was about to come on and say thanks ?
thank you I appreciate it

https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit/how-to-claim

Hello - just to say she may not qualify due to not passing her course - I do often see trainee dispensery jobs advertised at local go surgeries and pharmacies requiring GCSEs with training provided. I would get her on Indeed - you can set up job alerts from there

This is the type of jobs you will find on indeed. I don’t think emailing pharmacies is enough. She needs to look for posted jobs, set up job alerts, have a cv and strong cover letter explaining her interest. She will need references including one for her college so she will need to show strong work ethic and dedication as that reference may not be glowing.

https://uk.indeed.com/viewjob?jk=070f0225b220cb75

Christ don't give her another possible diagnosis to excuse not getting a job.

Besides, there's plenty of people, I know of 2, who have fibro and work.

Wow you really stooped that low? People like you typing behind a screen bullying other woman don’t deserve the partners and husbands you have I wonder what they would say to see you bullying a single mother online with genuine symptoms and then mocking another poster just for giving me some suggestions for the reason for my symptoms
Imagine being that woman

Wait. The OP didn't want encouragement to help her DD get a job. She wanted advice on how to get her to apply for UC??

Lies go learn to read

Some on here are unbelievable. OP I hope everything works out for you keep nagging the doctor for a diagnosis. GP can diagnose fibro now with the help of a check sheet .good luck

OPs daughter should definitely be looking for work, helping in the house and have boundaries.

There are a lot of posters here that seem to imagine that if a 19 year old has a good background, sees family work and is motivated they will just easily get a job.
Maybe, but there are also quite a few very motivated young people after college or university who don’t find jobs and claim. Their parents may be wiser then to ask here for advice or mention to even close friends or relatives seeing these threads.

Why can’t the OP work and her daughter take charge of household duties and caring for other siblings, it’s not as though the other kids are that young?

Stop throwing the bullying card around, you are not being bullied. People are just disagreeing with your lifestyle. If you post on a public forum, you have to accept that not everyone is going to agree with your choices.

It’s great that your daughter had told you what apprenticeship she would like to do. Hopefully you can look at how to pursue that.

Edit - Accidentally posted same thing twice.

I agree with you @Arraminta . I see from the first post that the DD hasn't been taught the value of hard work. Can see that she's just not put any effort in life and is happy to be care free.

No uni, no apprenticeship, no job. DD needs a big kick up the backside, because reality will hit her in the face soon. Does he want to grow up and have no skills and a low paying job?