Was I unreasonable to post this picture (privacy)

[midlifesharp]

DD competes in a sport. She’s ok but has never won anything. She enjoys it though. She’s trained a lot recently and had a competition I was able to attend - and she won!!! I managed to snap a once in a lifetime action shot of her doing so as well.

I have a very small private Facebook - fewer than 100 people. Family, friends and a few school parents. I wanted to post the picture, mainly for the older relatives. Now, also visible in shot was DDs friend, coming in behind her. Friend is lovely, mum is a little difficult. She’s super crunchy and quick to share her views. I checked with her before posting the picture as her child was also in it, not expecting any problems as she regularly posts her own pictures of her children. However she said that she didn’t want her daughter on anyone else’s social media -so I posted the picture with her daughter cropped out as much as possible and with the remaining half of her face blurred.
She’s now messaged me asking me to remove the whole picture as people who know the girls compete in the same team could guess that it’s her daughter. You cannot tell it’s her daughter at all! It’s half a blurred face, an arm and a leg.

Am I right to be a bit cross or have I misjudged a parenting/ privacy issue?

Presumably because she then knows exactly who see’s her posts and photos? Which is totally fair enough.

It’s completely okay for a parent to not want other people sharing photos of their child.

I do get that parents should have the first and only call about pics of their children. I’m just sad because it’s such great pic and DD tried and trained so hard and frankly never wins or gets recognised.

Yes if it was a public event anyone could take and post a picture but also the picture was edited to remove anything identifying.

This doesn’t make sense to me, does it not being on facebook mean she didn’t win? You can send the photos to your family members, it did still happen even if it’s not on Facebook you know?

Wouldn’t bother me, but some people are really peculiar about these things. You could easily edit out the other girl.

This is my thought too. She's being ridiculous .

Surely uploading it to chatGPT is worse than the original post on SM? 😂 the image is loaded into an AI generator to forever use as a source.

Try Canva. You can sign up to a free trial I think.
Use the edit function to erase the other child, or may work better if you grab it and then delete it.

A public event doesn’t give you permission to post photos of someone’s child, especially when they said no?

My friend has two children and fled DV, her kids still attend school and things like sports day. If you went by your advice and posted a photo on your facebook with her children in the background of your child’s sports day, and their dad spotted it and could locate them, you would then be the reason all 3 of them end up in hospital or worse. Is that genuinely worth it so that you can post a photo of your child with a plastic sports day medal on facebook?

Block her and then your problem is solved!

Schools just blob on the heads of children so they aren't identifiable. It sounds like your approach was reasonable.

When I’m uploading pictures of my DD at school events I just use enlarged emojis to cover the other children. Add a “flower” in and enlarge it. It protects the other children and I can then share my DD with my family and friends.

That's not the scenario here is it. The photo was edited so no one would have been able to identify by the photo. The only way people could identify it was if they had seen the race and knew the other child was in that position.

⬆️ This. And then maybe add a comment saying and well done to (daughters friends name) for coming a close 2nd 😏

It’s not up to OP, or you, to decide how identifiable someone else’s child is. It’s purely and simply down to their parent.

This mum has said they still have concerns about being identified- that’s the end of the story, that is literally all that matters. Crop the photo, scribble the other children out fully with pen etc, or just send the photo to family and accept that it still happened even if it’s not on bloody Facebook.

She’s being insane and doesn’t understand privacy. I’d keep the photo up and block her from the account.

Playing devil's advocate here but have you asked your own daughter if you can put her picture on social media? I don't post pictures anyway and personally I don't like it when parents put bragging posts about their kids on but I know I'm in the minority. However my 12 year old son has asked me not to put any pictures of him on social media which I totally respect.

None of us can ever be sure of the reasons behind a request for privacy, in any specific instance - however unnecessary it might seem to us. So it is always best to err on the side of caution, and respect what is asked of us. It might be the difference between ensuring someone's safety or putting them at risk.

Download a free photo editing app. There will be a "remove" option to remove things you select from the background

Or having their child's image used in AI pornographic videos, being the subject of identity theft, being the subject of creepy comments, being saved to the personal wankbank of your colleague from 10 years ago you have no idea is a paedophile, being stalked and harassed in real life by someone who has now learnt their name and can call out to them, "Sarah? You don't know me but your mum has been in an accident. She's OK but she sent me to pick you up and take you to see her at the hospital..."

You would be surprised at the stuff even clued-up children (and adults) are taken in by when caught off guard.

This must be a joke, the mum who is cautious of her child’s photo being on someone else’s social media for anyone to see “doesn’t understand privacy”, but YOU, a woman telling her to keep a photo up without that parents consent and just hide it from the mum does understand privacy? Get a grip.

My phone just has object eraser as on option on the pictures, Google photos has it too. Failing that use the tools to completely scribble the daughter out or cover her in a blacked out rectangle. Or, just block the mum from the post!

Given mum's behaviour - I mean the sheer CF brass neck of cornering another parent to essentially bully them into getting a party invite and then moaning about the party food!! 😲 Plus the fact she plasters her kids all over Instagram, it is probably more to do with the fact your girl won and hers didn't!

I imagine if it was the other way round she wouldn't even bother asking you before posting!

Cut your daughter out like a sticker: you do it by holding on to her image on the iPhone and then pressing Add Sticker. Voila!

You are the one who needs to get a grip. Read up on privacy laws and come back to me when you have 😀

This! I’d be gutted if you uploaded a photo of my child to chatGTP!