Was I unreasonable to post this picture (privacy)

[midlifesharp]

DD competes in a sport. She’s ok but has never won anything. She enjoys it though. She’s trained a lot recently and had a competition I was able to attend - and she won!!! I managed to snap a once in a lifetime action shot of her doing so as well.

I have a very small private Facebook - fewer than 100 people. Family, friends and a few school parents. I wanted to post the picture, mainly for the older relatives. Now, also visible in shot was DDs friend, coming in behind her. Friend is lovely, mum is a little difficult. She’s super crunchy and quick to share her views. I checked with her before posting the picture as her child was also in it, not expecting any problems as she regularly posts her own pictures of her children. However she said that she didn’t want her daughter on anyone else’s social media -so I posted the picture with her daughter cropped out as much as possible and with the remaining half of her face blurred.
She’s now messaged me asking me to remove the whole picture as people who know the girls compete in the same team could guess that it’s her daughter. You cannot tell it’s her daughter at all! It’s half a blurred face, an arm and a leg.

Am I right to be a bit cross or have I misjudged a parenting/ privacy issue?

For the people saying she should respect the mums wishes and not post her daughter in the background, she has respected her wishes by completely blurring out her face, it's literally not a picture of her daughter anymore.

It is impossible to police, but in this case the mother of the child has asked that it not be posted. I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t respect this, even if they think it’s daft.

You don’t know that. You don’t know anybody’s situation. And it’s not “advanced software”, it’s very basic and takes seconds.

I’m a professional photojournalist with the required legal and ethical training. It is legal to take photos in a public place, including of children, and the photographer owns all rights and can do as they please with that photograph. But I wouldn’t dream of refusing a request to remove/not use a photo of somebody/their child (unless it was in the public interest for the photo to be published).

OP hasn’t refused. She has very kindly cropped and blurred the photo. That’s plenty.

I’ve given reasons as to why it’s not in fact “plenty”. The simplest and most reasonable solution is to respect the mother’s wishes and either remove the daughter completely from the image (actually quite easy on Photoshop) or remove the image from the social media platform.

Just reply saying "Brilliant, the cropping and bluring worked then"

and leave it at that.

The world doesn’t work that way and the friend’s request after the OP has removed her daughter from the photo is unreasonable.

Read the OP again. She is absolutely being unreasonable. Given this is a sporting event, this child will be in other parents’ photos who likely will have them online. She puts them online herself. The child is an arm, a leg, and half a blurred face. It is utterly ridiculous.

The reasoning? “People who know they’re on the same team will know it’s her.”

Jesus Christ 🙄

This.

Don’t remove it she’s being a dick

You were being reasonable. Ignore the woman.

I don't agree, actually - I think the child's view is much more important than the parent's at this point. I always check for my daughter's permission before posting any pics of her now she is old enough to give it (and she pretty much always says no!)

You mention checking with the mom, but did you check with the child? Could it be the child who objects, and he mom is trying to protect her feelings? Kids at that age can be very self conscious - I can imagine my daughter, in some frames of mine, objecting to a pic being poster of her even if it was not identifying......

Hold on, you've said in the post that she's upset that people will "guess it's her daughter".

The issue here is nothing to do with privacy, her pride is hurt and she doesnt want people to see her DD losing to yours.

As long as her daughter is not recognisable she has nothing to complain about. Block her from your SM and post it.

I wish I’d have done this!

i left the thread as there were lots of people telling me to just disguise the girl (I already had!) and it got a bit wearing.
instead I found my spine and responded that her daughter was totally obscured and I felt that was sufficient.
She read and ignored me.

Ive stopped her viewing my posts and and I’ve stopped seeing her adverts on insta (including photos of her kids) so I think she blocked me as well. Winning.

I think you should have respected her op and done what she asked. What you said to her sounds unpleasant (I am convinced that you are not an unpleasant person)?and I am sure she is wondering why you even asked her for permission in the first place.

Good for you OP. Honestly, fuck her. She’s completely unreasonable however many people want you photoshopping the picture to oblivion to appease her. You’ve done enough and she’s proper fucking batshit.

But it's no longer a photo of her child as OP has removed as much as she can and then blurred out the rest! She's doing nothing wrong.

How many people are going to say this 🤦 she literally has done as the woman asked.

OP asked if it was okay to have the girl in the background, the woman said no, so OP blurred out the girl’s face and hair before posting.

So would I. Why is it so important to post it?

Agree... but what I don't agree with is that OP has ignored the mother. The girl is not recognisable (at least, to people who don't know her IRL), nor is her image able to be used by a randomer on the net. These are the two reasons people restrict pictures aren't they?

I completely agree that the woman is just sore because she doesn't want anyone to know her DD failed.

Reminds me of this...

If you send the pic I’ll see if I can remove other kids for you

Or download this - you can skip joining and can do a couple of things per day for free

You should be able to use your phone to edit the photo by scribbling thoroughly over the whole image of her child. So rather than just the face if you see what I mean

If the OP's friend doesn't want her daughter's photo posted by others she probably doesn't want it sent to a stranger either, or uploaded to a photo edit website.