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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to post this picture (privacy)

250 replies

midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 17:49

DD competes in a sport. She’s ok but has never won anything. She enjoys it though. She’s trained a lot recently and had a competition I was able to attend - and she won!!! I managed to snap a once in a lifetime action shot of her doing so as well.

I have a very small private Facebook - fewer than 100 people. Family, friends and a few school parents. I wanted to post the picture, mainly for the older relatives. Now, also visible in shot was DDs friend, coming in behind her. Friend is lovely, mum is a little difficult. She’s super crunchy and quick to share her views. I checked with her before posting the picture as her child was also in it, not expecting any problems as she regularly posts her own pictures of her children. However she said that she didn’t want her daughter on anyone else’s social media -so I posted the picture with her daughter cropped out as much as possible and with the remaining half of her face blurred.
She’s now messaged me asking me to remove the whole picture as people who know the girls compete in the same team could guess that it’s her daughter. You cannot tell it’s her daughter at all! It’s half a blurred face, an arm and a leg.

Am I right to be a bit cross or have I misjudged a parenting/ privacy issue?

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 02/07/2025 17:50

I haven't been through this stage of parenting yet but I would say what youve done sounds reasonable! If she's still worried just blur the whole body?

Elfonte · 02/07/2025 17:51

Upload it to chatgpt and ask it to remove the child in the background

tilypu · 02/07/2025 17:52

Is it a solo sport? If so, I'll bet it's less to do with being able to tell it's her daughter, and more to do with her nose being out of joint because you're daughter won and hers didn't.

Yanbu. IMO. Unless they are the only two girls that compete in the sport!

WhereIsMyJumper · 02/07/2025 17:52

I’m really not one for posting on SM. But I don’t think you are being unreasonable in this instance. The idea someone suggested at having ChatGPT removed it completely and replacing it is a good one. Or… just ignore her

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/07/2025 17:53

If the girl isn't identifiable, the mum is being batshit.

winnieanddaisy · 02/07/2025 17:53

I would say that she is being barmy . Remove her access to your Facebook and she won’t know. She is probably jealous that your daughter won and not hers .

Dominoeffecter · 02/07/2025 17:55

Shes being utterly ridiculous, you’ve done nothing wrong.

tilypu · 02/07/2025 17:55

You don't need to remove her access to your Facebook - just change the privacy settings on the photo so that she can no longer see it

Original poster
midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 17:55

Mulledjuice · 02/07/2025 17:50

I haven't been through this stage of parenting yet but I would say what youve done sounds reasonable! If she's still worried just blur the whole body?

I think that would make her child really obvious- DD running next to a big blur! It’s also really not possible to do. I asked CHAT GPT to remove her entirely but it doesn’t just edit that bit of the picture apparently- it has to recreate the whole photo every time and it takes it upon itself to make subtle alterations to DDs face which I can’t have!

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 17:56

tilypu · 02/07/2025 17:52

Is it a solo sport? If so, I'll bet it's less to do with being able to tell it's her daughter, and more to do with her nose being out of joint because you're daughter won and hers didn't.

Yanbu. IMO. Unless they are the only two girls that compete in the sport!

You and DH think the same !

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 17:57

WhereIsMyJumper · 02/07/2025 17:52

I’m really not one for posting on SM. But I don’t think you are being unreasonable in this instance. The idea someone suggested at having ChatGPT removed it completely and replacing it is a good one. Or… just ignore her

I’ve tried. I cannot seem to stop CHAT GPT trying to beautify my tween daughter. Apparently it recreates the whole image every time and there’s not as much control as you think in terms of what it decides to do. She looked about 25 in one attempt!

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 02/07/2025 17:57

ChatGPT is a weird… we had it change the background of a photo and it completely changed my DD into a different person. You can tell it to not bloody do that and it will revert it.

The other mum is a shade weirder than ChatGPT.

alexalisten · 02/07/2025 17:58

Agree with above poster get chat gpt to remove other child. I do get where she was coming from not want others posting her kid as she doesn't know who's on your friend list but the fact you blurred her out should be enough I think shes just mad your kid beat her kid

Mrsttcno1 · 02/07/2025 17:59

I think it’s a decision you have to respect to be honest even if you disagree, don’t put photos of others children on social media if they aren’t okay with it.

It wouldn’t bother me personally if my child was in the background but I have mum friends who would feel the same as this lady for various reason including a friend who doesn’t allow it because they fled DV and so she has to be very careful with what their dad may or may not see and find out, where he could turn up etc. Posting for her own social media where she knows every single person who could see it is very different to someone else posting so I’d just accept this and send the photo to any relatives you want to show.

Original poster
midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 18:00

winnieanddaisy · 02/07/2025 17:53

I would say that she is being barmy . Remove her access to your Facebook and she won’t know. She is probably jealous that your daughter won and not hers .

I have made sure she can’t see anything. Removing her would be problematical. She once cornered another parent to ask why her child wasn’t invited to a small 6 person party, ended up with an invite due to other parent being completely taken by surprise and then complained later about the amount of junk food.

OP posts:
Iwillclasptheeagain · 02/07/2025 18:01

I think YABU, sorry.

There is no point ascertaining someone's wishes if you just plan to ignore them.

She sounds like a responsible mother who perhaps appreciates the various risks of having your child's photo online better than you do, questions of consent aside.

DeliciouslyBaked · 02/07/2025 18:01

What phone do you have? I have a Samsung and it has an edit function called "object eraser". You draw around the child and it will remove her from the pic. It makes the background a bit blurry but it won't matter for social media. It worked great for me when I needed to remove a child in the back of a photo I took at DD1's birthday party.

Original poster
midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 18:02

Divebar2021 · 02/07/2025 17:57

ChatGPT is a weird… we had it change the background of a photo and it completely changed my DD into a different person. You can tell it to not bloody do that and it will revert it.

The other mum is a shade weirder than ChatGPT.

Exactly this! Dd looked about 25.

OP posts:
Skippydoodle · 02/07/2025 18:03

Just paint a really ugly black scribble over the other child 😂

Princesspollyyy · 02/07/2025 18:03

Repost the picture but adjust your privacy settings so everyone can see the post except your prickly friend.

DedododoDedadada · 02/07/2025 18:04

She's being ridiculous. Id just restrict the picture so she can't see it.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/07/2025 18:05

DedododoDedadada · 02/07/2025 18:04

She's being ridiculous. Id just restrict the picture so she can't see it.

You’d advise overruling a mothers wishes about her own child being on social media, rather than OP simply sending the photo to her relatives rather than posting it online? What strange advice for another mum to give!

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/07/2025 18:05

My youngest never made it onto Facebook untill he was 14 and I still think this mother is being ridiculous.

Having said that I would have posted it the first time with her daughter identifiable.

Original poster
midlifesharp · 02/07/2025 18:05

Mrsttcno1 · 02/07/2025 17:59

I think it’s a decision you have to respect to be honest even if you disagree, don’t put photos of others children on social media if they aren’t okay with it.

It wouldn’t bother me personally if my child was in the background but I have mum friends who would feel the same as this lady for various reason including a friend who doesn’t allow it because they fled DV and so she has to be very careful with what their dad may or may not see and find out, where he could turn up etc. Posting for her own social media where she knows every single person who could see it is very different to someone else posting so I’d just accept this and send the photo to any relatives you want to show.

I would have sympathy if this was even a possibility and this is why I always check with parents. Once I didn’t post something for a similar reason and was glad I’d asked- and always do so. However she puts her kids out there on FB, insta etc, including having them in adverts for her niche business. It’s simply that it must be her who posts them.

OP posts:
SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 02/07/2025 18:06

You asked if you could post the picture, she said no but you went ahead. You could easily have found some software to edit her daughter out.

It seems a bit pointless asking if you weren't going to do a proper job of removing her