Wonderful Partner doesn’t want to marry or have kids

[Cannotdhakefeeling]

My first post and it’s long but don’t want to be accused of the dreaded drip feed.
I have had this conversation ad nauseum with my mother, sister, cousins and friends. In fact I have had this conversation with everyone except work friends. They all broadly say the same things and say I should count my blessings and enjoy life.

I always wanted the massive wedding with the man of my dreams, lovely house and children! Classic! I did all this by 30!

Three years later, divorced living in a studio flat which I admittedly own, with my little girl. Husband had borrowed money off everybody we know, remortgaged our house, defaulted on everything and left. No hint at all.

Four years ago I met this guy through work although we don’t work at the same place, he had a really sound reputation.

We had a few drinks and meals together and he would stay occasionally if my daughter was with my mum. All good. He wouldn’t come with me though to a family wedding as he was still living with his wife from whom he had separated and didn’t ever want his child to imagine we were in a relationship before he had left the house.

Six months later they had sold the house and he had given her more in order to secure his daughter’s future. After staying with his brother and about a year after we had met he introduced us to his daughter and they excitedly started to look for houses. He categorically refused to buy a house with me.
He did not want compilations in his life following his failed marriage which was not abusive or anything like mine, just grew apart.

So at 39 I have this lovely relationship with a kind, generous man, my daughter and I stay with him half the week. He sometimes stays with us. When his daughter is at his house they plan nice things for us sometimes but it is as if I am the guest of this 11 year old girl. We have family holidays and he pays for everything. I am in a much better financial position because of him.

He has a lovely family who treats me and my daughter well but she is not treated as a grandchild. We have amazing friends and a nice lifestyle. Lots of friends envy our setup.

I want more children but I am 40 next year, and another marriage. He doesn’t! He has always been honest and open.

Everyone says count your blessings. One older cousin says have another child via donation. I love him and love our life.

Your nigh on 40 and he's closer to 50 than 40 .
Tbh at his age I can see why having another child is not on radar , and even if it was , it could take you a while to conceive so you could be 41/42 ish . Would you still want that ?

You have to decide if your desire for another child is so great you are wanting to be in a relationship with someone else ( factor in timelines , find the right one , get to know them , both want a child , conceive etc ) How many years will that be ?If

However , more so the problem is he doesn't seem to want to progress the relationship to the step of living together until his child is at uni which could be another 10 years .
I think that would worry me more .

Wouldn't want to be together with someone who doesn't want to have a joint home in in the foreseeable future if things go well.

this would be not enough commitment for me. You have to know whether that's enough for you. To me it would feel like he's not really into me and a joint future.