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Original poster

To dump dog in one of my husbands offices he works from

207 replies

Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 21:07

I will preface this with he is a lovely dog, well trained and behaved.
but I never wanted a dog, and said it, but got overruled.

Fast forward 8 years.

Husband has left me, children have left home , and I am tied to him.

I love him, but want the freedom that the rest of family have

Haven’t been on holiday for 3 years - husband was away just for example for 79 days last year.

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 02/07/2025 10:10

Could you not do that, OP?

thats the thing - why is the Op sorting it - it needs to be the husband sorting it

Orange202 · 02/07/2025 10:22

We use a dog minder when we go away - our dog moves into the minders house.

It works very well for our dog, the people who do it are dog lovers or have their own dogs, and he's always been happy, lives with a different family for a week or so, gets to snooze on a different sofa, but I use local ones, so he goes for walks in our regular park. He's even managed to sleep on a few beds, he does very good puppy eyes.

I'm not in the UK but I'm sure you can google and find people in your area. I've gone through an agency so the minders are police checked and they're insured.

Your kids should really step up more though - can't be a huge hardship for them to move back to the family home for a week or two. If you have a family WhatsApp can you message them all saying you're planning on going away for a week in Sept, and who'll mind the dog - might shame them into it when they can all see each other's replies.

Your ex sounds like a dick, from my experience, once you stop expecting anything at all from a man like this the less dissapointed you'll be. I'd stop him visiting to see the dog if he won't step up and take him from time to time.

Good luck with it. I'm excited for you that you get to travel again!

Galaxyandcadburys773 · 02/07/2025 10:29

Feel bad for the poor dog

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2025 10:35

Bridport · 02/07/2025 08:25

None of this is the dogs fault.
Why can't you go on holiday with the dog? We always took our dog on holiday with us. 14 years of happy memories of her running on the beach, walking in the hills and snuggling up in the tent and cottages at night.

Assuming abroad

TheignT · 02/07/2025 10:39

AbzMoz · 01/07/2025 21:13

option 1 - husband keeps dog, and takes full responsibility for care including arranging walker etc
option 2 - rehome dog and husband pays generous donation to local charity for the privilege

Edited

So how do you make him do that?

I'd worry about dumping the dog as he might decide putting him down is the easy answer. It is a real dilemma and I say that as the wife/mother who was overruled about having another dog but ended up being the one to look after it.

To be fair to DH he is disabled so it wasn't really his choice to be unable to do the work.

LankylegsFromOz · 02/07/2025 10:47

God there are some idiotic responses to the OP!? Imagine the pitchforks if the OP said she wanted to rehome the dog (that she clearly loves). You can't win in this joint!

I absolutely love my dog and his well-being is most certainly a major part of my life plans. So I can totally see why the OP is aggrieved given the circumstances.

Not that I have an answer (sorry OP).. but geeze 🙄

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/07/2025 10:48

Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 21:42

Knew there was a reason I don’t post regularly on here.

I have been here since the very beginning of Mumsnet.

I didn’t want a dog..

I love him dearly.

He is VERY well trained,

He loves going to offices as everyone fusses him because he is adorable.

dumpmhim was definitely the wrong word to use, but Injust mean Inhave had enough, can’t pin anyone down and want to go away.

As long as your family (and Ex-H) knows that you won’t rehome him, they won’t take the dog.

time to put on your poker face and make some “demands”. You cannot continue to look after the dog unless they take him when you want to go away. Be tough. You’ve got this!💪💪

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/07/2025 10:50

Galaxyandcadburys773 · 02/07/2025 10:29

Feel bad for the poor dog

And how about OP?

OP clearly loves the dog and looks after him. But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s now tied to an animal she did not even want in the first place! It also sounds like she’s struggling with some other issues and really needs a breakx

lunaswand · 02/07/2025 11:01

Why can't you go away & take the dog with you? UK or anywhere in Europe if vaccinated?

Shell18celhave · 02/07/2025 11:12

Who's name is on his microchip?
If it's ex's then he's legal owner & at that point I'd be pointing that out to him & holding my hand out for costs of keeping him vet bills etc & tell ex that your going on away on these dates so he takes him or pays for him to stay in kennels.
Failing that there are people that "homestay" dogs you both meet them & it goes well & dog is happy in their home he then becomes a lodger with them when your away. Bound to be some in your area

AbzMoz · 02/07/2025 11:12

TheignT · 02/07/2025 10:39

So how do you make him do that?

I'd worry about dumping the dog as he might decide putting him down is the easy answer. It is a real dilemma and I say that as the wife/mother who was overruled about having another dog but ended up being the one to look after it.

To be fair to DH he is disabled so it wasn't really his choice to be unable to do the work.

Show quote history

Of course you don’t dump the dog! you do say if you want to keep your dog, you collect him within 30 days and take full responsibility for sorting his needs properly. If OP doesn’t think that the DH will do right by the dog, skip that step and get it properly rehomed.

I do not see how, if people are unwilling or unable to do the work, they can overrule the person who is ultimately inconvenienced by these decisions.

GFBurger · 02/07/2025 11:14

Contact the Dogs Trust. They are amazing and helpful and will find a perfect home for your dog.

You could have your own life back very soon.

And so much less cost.

You can choose to tell the family before-hand. But it’s looking like this is your dog and your problem. It wasn’t your choice - you and the dog will be so much happier living with the right people.

It’s not that you don’t love the dog, but you love yourself more and that isn’t selfish. Hold yourself in higher regard and move on.

NojitoandLime · 02/07/2025 11:20

LankylegsFromOz · 02/07/2025 10:47

God there are some idiotic responses to the OP!? Imagine the pitchforks if the OP said she wanted to rehome the dog (that she clearly loves). You can't win in this joint!

I absolutely love my dog and his well-being is most certainly a major part of my life plans. So I can totally see why the OP is aggrieved given the circumstances.

Not that I have an answer (sorry OP).. but geeze 🙄

If she loves the dog then she should take on full ownership and responsibility for it and not expect to rely on her ex, who clearly isn't that interested.

It seems like they have some vague, woolly shared ownership arrangement without any actual agreements about who is responsible for what.

Her ex clearly doesn't want responsibility for the dog and isn't willing to be there on her whim to look after the dog when she wants to go away.

Morality of that aside, the situation is what it is. For the sake of the dog, OP either needs to accept that she is the dog's full time owner, and the responsibility that goes with that, or rehome it if she can't provide this.

Shared pet ownership with an ex that you resent is just a complicated and stupid idea - it's never going to work and the dog is caught in the middle.

There is nothing wrong with rehoming a dog if you can't provide what it needs. No idea why you are talking about 'pitchforks' there. If it's in the dog's best interest then it's the right thing to do.

LankylegsFromOz · 02/07/2025 12:20

NojitoandLime · 02/07/2025 11:20

If she loves the dog then she should take on full ownership and responsibility for it and not expect to rely on her ex, who clearly isn't that interested.

It seems like they have some vague, woolly shared ownership arrangement without any actual agreements about who is responsible for what.

Her ex clearly doesn't want responsibility for the dog and isn't willing to be there on her whim to look after the dog when she wants to go away.

Morality of that aside, the situation is what it is. For the sake of the dog, OP either needs to accept that she is the dog's full time owner, and the responsibility that goes with that, or rehome it if she can't provide this.

Shared pet ownership with an ex that you resent is just a complicated and stupid idea - it's never going to work and the dog is caught in the middle.

There is nothing wrong with rehoming a dog if you can't provide what it needs. No idea why you are talking about 'pitchforks' there. If it's in the dog's best interest then it's the right thing to do.

Edited
Show quote history

There's nothing wrong with having a whinge about it on Mumsnet either though, is there? I mean, its really not that fucking deep..

I have a reciprocal dog minding arrangement with friends that at times I feel is not so reciprocal. I imagine how I'd feel if they were my immediate family, who were part of chosing to have him as a pet/family member.

Fortunately, I realise that posting about these types of issues on this site is a loosing battle. But if I opted to do so, the solution wouldn't be to rehome my dog 🤣

BMW6 · 02/07/2025 12:28

If you live anywhere near Southampton I'll look after your dog! I've still got my boys bed and miss him terribly but won't get another as they are such a tie.

Bridport · 02/07/2025 13:30

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2025 10:35

Assuming abroad

Show quote history

We didn't go abroad whilst we had our dog. We had lovely holidays in the UK. If we'd wanted to travel abroad we wouldn't have got a dog.

GFBurger · 02/07/2025 14:46

Hadn’t read the part about not wanting to rehome.

Kennels are tough for some dogs. In home services through Pawshake or Rover etc would be better but that’s more expensive.

And if no-one else is prepared to look after the dog when you are away then the other ‘owners’ should be prepared to pay for it.

Dog Maintenance charges should be applied!

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/07/2025 14:51

Bridport · 02/07/2025 13:30

We didn't go abroad whilst we had our dog. We had lovely holidays in the UK. If we'd wanted to travel abroad we wouldn't have got a dog.

Show quote history

Yes… and OP did not want to get a dog. Whereas you clearly did.

NojitoandLime · 02/07/2025 15:06

W0tnow · 02/07/2025 09:29

I’m going to say you’re not being unreasonable. Your ex owns the dog too, no? He loves the dog. The dog knows him? I think your plan is a good one!

Edited

It's unreasonable to try and share dog ownership with an ex you clearly don't get on with 🙄

NojitoandLime · 02/07/2025 15:09

LankylegsFromOz · 02/07/2025 12:20

There's nothing wrong with having a whinge about it on Mumsnet either though, is there? I mean, its really not that fucking deep..

I have a reciprocal dog minding arrangement with friends that at times I feel is not so reciprocal. I imagine how I'd feel if they were my immediate family, who were part of chosing to have him as a pet/family member.

Fortunately, I realise that posting about these types of issues on this site is a loosing battle. But if I opted to do so, the solution wouldn't be to rehome my dog 🤣

Show quote history

There's nothing wrong with having a whinge about it on Mumsnet either though, is there?

When you've put yourself in a stupid situation involving co-ownership of a dog with an ex you clearly don't get on with - yes, it is pretty ridiculous to come online and whinge about it.

The situation is of their own making (OP and her ex).

If neither wants to take on the full responsibility then the dog should be rehomed, not passed from pillar to post. That is not good for the dog.

BippidyBoppety · 02/07/2025 16:14

NojitoandLime · 02/07/2025 15:06

It's unreasonable to try and share dog ownership with an ex you clearly don't get on with 🙄

Show quote history

I think if the OP can weigh up a chance to travel versus dealing with crap Ex, it can be done. My previous post about my Ex dumping the dog after moving in with his new girlfriend ... both he and I wanted the best for the dog (before the girlfriend came on the scene, obviously). 2012 to 2019 we both really worked hard to ensure the dogs needs were met. But it only works if the Ex - and the kids! - step up.

W0tnow · 02/07/2025 16:28

NojitoandLime · 02/07/2025 15:06

It's unreasonable to try and share dog ownership with an ex you clearly don't get on with 🙄

Show quote history

Why? The dog doesn’t care.

CinnamonBuns67 · 02/07/2025 16:37

It would be unreasonable for you to dump him as that's just nasty to the dog but you wouldn't be unreasonable in the circumstances to rehome him. I'd message your ex husband and your adult children "Hey I'm wishing to rehome (dogs name). I didn't want to have him in the first place, you guys did but I'm the only one taking responsibility for him and I want to be able to live my life. You have until (date) for one of you to step forward to take responsibility for him or I will be seeking him a new home with people who want him and have time for him"

NojitoandLime · 03/07/2025 07:34

W0tnow · 02/07/2025 16:28

Why? The dog doesn’t care.

Show quote history

Umm - because of situations like this that result in frustration, stress and posting on mumsnet?

Ultimately the dog not getting the best care/ being passed from pillar to post and "dumped".

Not good for anyone.

NojitoandLime · 03/07/2025 07:36

BippidyBoppety · 02/07/2025 16:14

I think if the OP can weigh up a chance to travel versus dealing with crap Ex, it can be done. My previous post about my Ex dumping the dog after moving in with his new girlfriend ... both he and I wanted the best for the dog (before the girlfriend came on the scene, obviously). 2012 to 2019 we both really worked hard to ensure the dogs needs were met. But it only works if the Ex - and the kids! - step up.

Show quote history

The best thing for the dog is to have one home and one owner who is fully committed to the responsibility.

Also, you and your ex were clearly able to cooperate - OP and her ex aren't, for whatever reason. Her ex is obviously not particularly invested.