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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dump dog in one of my husbands offices he works from

207 replies

Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 21:07

I will preface this with he is a lovely dog, well trained and behaved.
but I never wanted a dog, and said it, but got overruled.

Fast forward 8 years.

Husband has left me, children have left home , and I am tied to him.

I love him, but want the freedom that the rest of family have

Haven’t been on holiday for 3 years - husband was away just for example for 79 days last year.

OP posts:
andweallsingalong · 01/07/2025 22:46

Are you particular about where you go OP?

I agree wanker ex should have him, but if he won't step up could you and DD go to a dog friendly resort or holiday cottage?

zanahoria · 01/07/2025 22:49

Confront your husband, tell him to step up but do not dump the dog anywhere.

Christmasbear1 · 01/07/2025 22:51

send him to doggy daycare. A lot of doggy daycare will take on boarding for regular clients.

or find a boarding place that isn't kennels. You could try the Rover app.

i am tied to my dog but we found an excellent boarding place. I'd go insane without a break but my dog is a problem dog. I once sent him to kennels and I was in desperate need of a break. Never again!

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 01/07/2025 22:52

He wouldn’t, but he also doesn’t step up - but if I left him in an office(safe environment and everyone loves him), then husband would have to take him home as he couldn’t look like the uncaring arsehole he is

Yes I'd take the dog to the office and tell the other people there that your arsehole ex wanted the dog and so it's his turn to look after it. Let them see just what a twat he really is.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/07/2025 22:52

Find someone to take him for a week on borrow my doggy or a house and dog sitter if he is scared of kennels I

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/07/2025 22:54

Seems perfectly reasonable. It’s his dog and he’s being an utterly lazy arse. Lock up the house, drop dog, poo bags, basket food etc and a note to say you are going away. Dog can be returned on x date.

Does he still have keys to your house though? I’d change those locks first.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 01/07/2025 22:54

Knew there was a reason I don’t post regularly on here.
I have been here since the very beginning of Mumsnet.

OP, 83% of people think you're not being unreasonable despite the comments.

Olivesforteatonighty · 01/07/2025 22:57

There are other ways of having a holiday without the dog, including kennels, people who have your dog in their home, or even people who will pet sit in your home.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/07/2025 23:02

Theres a group called trustedhousesitters where people will stay in your home and look after your pets in exchange for free accommodation. I'd look at that.

Dumping the dog on your ex will only work once and you need a more permanent solution.

How does he 'see' the dog once a week but doesn't walk him? If its at your home I'd put a stop to that. he needs to take the dog out to see him. I'd also ask for a financial contribution to his keep - if you have a family chat "accidentally" put a message on that suggesting that its about time he starts doing that.

Salome61 · 01/07/2025 23:05

I highly recommend having a Trusted Housesitter living in your house while you go away. You can relax then.

I miss my beloved dog terribly, the rats moved into my garden about a month after he died aged 14. I've had dogs for 40 years and had never seen a rat before.

ButteredRadish · 01/07/2025 23:09

Poor dog so bloody cruel YABVVVVVU

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/07/2025 23:13

Instead of dumping. Visit your DH offices and tell him that he needs to start paying maintenance for the dog.
Make a list of the dogs needs and expenses ince he left the dog with you.
Vets etc..
Include two kennel breaks/dog sitters a year and cost it up.

Tell him he has imposed this financial burden on you and you can no longer afford to keep paying it.
He sounds minted and publicity conscious.

But do what's in the Dogs best interests which is probably staying with you, yet you having the chance of a break.

Original poster
Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 23:17

ButteredRadish · 01/07/2025 23:09

Poor dog so bloody cruel YABVVVVVU

He is very happy with me, loves the office attention , they look after him give him belly rubs and treats and get water .So no not bloody cruel

husband doesn’t pull his weight when I ask, but won’t let his colleagues think he is an arse so will take him to not tarnish his fantastic reputation 😂

it’s actually a husband problem not a dog one!

I can assure you my dog want for nothing, and is very happy here. When husband comes round he sits t back door looking out for him to come back so misses him too.

OP posts:
BippidyBoppety · 01/07/2025 23:18

I was in the same position, OP, so you have my sympathies.

As the OP, I said no to getting a dog in 2009 as we were both working full time and our DS was off to Uni. No, said Ex, I've got it sorted ... well, daily dog walking service at £50+ per week. Anxious, unsociable dog, months of dog training didn't help. I've had dogs all my life, never one like this. When Ex went to Afghanistan with the Army in 2010 it was just me and the dog - and my full time job. When Ex left in 2012 caught chasing after other women it was just me and the dog and my full time job. He couldn't take her as he was renting a room (and too lazy to sort divorce - and I wasn't doing it for him!

I made it clear to Ex, if I go away he has the dog, even if it meant he stayed at the ex-family home. And the deal-breaker, if he moved in with his girlfriend he took the dog. So he moved in with his girlfriend while I was away at Christmas in 2019, I didn't know that was the last time I'd be seeing the dog I'd cared for daily for 10 years ...

Covid. Divorce. House sale. Four days after the offer on the family home was accepted he took the dog to a rescue and left her there. Over 12 years old, in chronic pain. Didn't tell me. I asked DS one day how the dog was and he told me. Ex wouldn't tell me where he'd dumped her. Took me three months of evenings on Facebook and calling around until I found her. She'd been rehomed, they'd spent hundreds on meds for her. Breaks my heart still.

No answers for you OP, just that I know your pain.

Terrribletwos · 01/07/2025 23:24

I think you should have said in your original post that your husband is quite involved with your dog.

NoelFaraday · 01/07/2025 23:26

The kindest thing to the dog would be for your husband to pay the costs of a dog sitter whilst you go away so that the dog is cared for in its own home,

FatherFrosty · 01/07/2025 23:26

Go away with the dog? Take him to the seaside, pub lunches and lazy walks.

Original poster
Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 23:30

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/07/2025 23:13

Instead of dumping. Visit your DH offices and tell him that he needs to start paying maintenance for the dog.
Make a list of the dogs needs and expenses ince he left the dog with you.
Vets etc..
Include two kennel breaks/dog sitters a year and cost it up.

Tell him he has imposed this financial burden on you and you can no longer afford to keep paying it.
He sounds minted and publicity conscious.

But do what's in the Dogs best interests which is probably staying with you, yet you having the chance of a break.

To be fair money isn’t an issue just he doesn’t take him anywhere for walks, and I didn’t want a dog, But I also don’t want rid of him.

For all the dog lovers thinking I am cruel - he is upstairs on my bed with his head on my pillow. He will turn onto his back when I go up for belly rubs, then move over to other side a of bed and snore softly beside me.

And to dog haters - well you wouldn’t understand 😂.

OP posts:
Pluvia · 01/07/2025 23:31

I've recently looked after friends' dog for more than a month while they had a long holiday. I have another dog coming for a fortnight in August. I used to own dogs but didn't like being tied, so now I look after other peoples' nice dogs and have the pleasure of doggy companionship for a few weeks without feeling totally tied down. Ask around your friends, neighbours, colleagues, fellow dog walkers, FB local pages: someone, somewhere, may be willing to have him for a while. I charge very little because I enjoy having a dog around so much — as long as I know I can give it back.

ErrolTheDragon · 01/07/2025 23:35

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/07/2025 23:13

Instead of dumping. Visit your DH offices and tell him that he needs to start paying maintenance for the dog.
Make a list of the dogs needs and expenses ince he left the dog with you.
Vets etc..
Include two kennel breaks/dog sitters a year and cost it up.

Tell him he has imposed this financial burden on you and you can no longer afford to keep paying it.
He sounds minted and publicity conscious.

But do what's in the Dogs best interests which is probably staying with you, yet you having the chance of a break.

Yes…
tell him you’re going on holiday, he can either have the dog or else pay for something like Holidays4Dogs to look after the dog properly (not kennels again).

Original poster
Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 23:36

BippidyBoppety · 01/07/2025 23:18

I was in the same position, OP, so you have my sympathies.

As the OP, I said no to getting a dog in 2009 as we were both working full time and our DS was off to Uni. No, said Ex, I've got it sorted ... well, daily dog walking service at £50+ per week. Anxious, unsociable dog, months of dog training didn't help. I've had dogs all my life, never one like this. When Ex went to Afghanistan with the Army in 2010 it was just me and the dog - and my full time job. When Ex left in 2012 caught chasing after other women it was just me and the dog and my full time job. He couldn't take her as he was renting a room (and too lazy to sort divorce - and I wasn't doing it for him!

I made it clear to Ex, if I go away he has the dog, even if it meant he stayed at the ex-family home. And the deal-breaker, if he moved in with his girlfriend he took the dog. So he moved in with his girlfriend while I was away at Christmas in 2019, I didn't know that was the last time I'd be seeing the dog I'd cared for daily for 10 years ...

Covid. Divorce. House sale. Four days after the offer on the family home was accepted he took the dog to a rescue and left her there. Over 12 years old, in chronic pain. Didn't tell me. I asked DS one day how the dog was and he told me. Ex wouldn't tell me where he'd dumped her. Took me three months of evenings on Facebook and calling around until I found her. She'd been rehomed, they'd spent hundreds on meds for her. Breaks my heart still.

No answers for you OP, just that I know your pain.

That is awful I am so sorry.

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 01/07/2025 23:37

EmBear91 · 01/07/2025 21:14

It’s not the dogs fault. Don’t “dump” him anywhere. If you don’t want to look after him anymore, go through the process of rehoming. There will be plenty of people who are in a position to look after a dog/want to.

This. It isn't the dogs fault.

Okiedokie123 · 01/07/2025 23:37

@Fatfoot Ive nothing useful to say re the dog situation but...... I wanted to say I totally know how you feel re "and this is why I dont often post on MN". Amen to that!

You've clearly stated the issue and yet...... People endlessly get everything muddled/upside down etc. And then you start to think...... oh dear maybe I should have just figured out that problem in my head! xxx

Original poster
Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 23:38

Terrribletwos · 01/07/2025 23:24

I think you should have said in your original post that your husband is quite involved with your dog.

He isn’t though

OP posts:
Original poster
Fatfoot · 01/07/2025 23:42

Okiedokie123 · 01/07/2025 23:37

@Fatfoot Ive nothing useful to say re the dog situation but...... I wanted to say I totally know how you feel re "and this is why I dont often post on MN". Amen to that!

You've clearly stated the issue and yet...... People endlessly get everything muddled/upside down etc. And then you start to think...... oh dear maybe I should have just figured out that problem in my head! xxx

😂😂

I was literally here t from the beginning when it felt like a neighbourhood community, and you basically knew all the people on here.

OP posts: